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My Mom/ Origami/My dad's stroke; Questbridge College Prep Scholarship


iluvchocalate13 4 / 7 1  
Mar 24, 2013   #1
List and describe three unique factors that have most shaped who you are (any obstacles you have faced or passions you have developed are especially relevant).

Factor 1: My Mom

My mom has played a huge role in shaping who I am. She works for minimum wage, so she is always telling me to do well in school so I can have a brighter future. Whenever I feel down about school, I think about how I will be successful in the future if I do well there, and then I feel motivated to excel in academics. My mom is also very kind and compassionate, always looking for the best in others like my father, which inspires me to be like her. My mom is my role model.

Factor 2: Origami

Origami is my passion. I am fascinated by how just a single square of paper can be transformed into a beautiful work of art. Folding origami can take several hours, involving a vast number of steps. I remember that when I started out folding, I would be frustrated because the process seemed so lengthy, but later on, I came to love figuring out how to fold complex origami models. And, the result of my efforts was always worth it. I learned to become more patient and learned to appreciate art more since I knew how much work it involved.

Factor 3: My dad's stroke

When my dad had a stroke, it truly felt like my family was never going to be happy again. My dad couldn't walk and he was so angry and bitter. I had never felt so utterly helpless. But ,after months of physical therapy, my dad could walk again, though he couldn't use his left hand. Gradually, our family became happy again, after much effort. For example, my mom would drive my dad to anywhere he wanted and I would spend more time with him. I learned that even after such a horrendous ordeal, we could be happy again.

If you could change one thing about your community, what would you change and why?
I would change the way students behave at school. Education is extremely significant to me because by educating myself, I am battling ignorance and paving the path to a better future for myself. And yet, I see many of my fellow peers just throwing their education away. They don't pay attention in class and do poorly on tests because they never study. I want to change my fellow peers' attitudes toward school. I feel like if we can get more students to care about their education, then we won't have this education crisis in America.

Tell me what you think? How can I improve them?
kassiag 2 / 3  
Mar 25, 2013   #2
I think it's good, haven't saw something to change... good work!
omid_sarox 1 / 6 1  
Mar 25, 2013   #3
I'm agree with kassiag. Your anserts are perfect. Just don't use contractions they don't like it because it's less formal.
dumi 1 / 6,927 1592  
Mar 25, 2013   #4
She works for minimum wage, so she is always telling me to do well in school so I can have a brighter future.

.... is she a blue collar? If so use that term because it gives a better idea about what type of work she does.

, so she is always telling me to do well in school so I can have a brighter future

so she always keeps telling me to strive hard with studies for a brighter future.

Whenever I feel down about school, I think about how I will be successful in the future if I do well there, and then I feel motivated to excel in academics.

Have your mom here too.... Keep her in the centre;
It is her encouragement that drove me forward to pursue my academic goals. She provided me with courage to make a come back when I felt down and motivated me to excel in academics.
OP iluvchocalate13 4 / 7 1  
Mar 26, 2013   #5
Thank you dumi! (: That was really helpful...Thanks to everyone else who commented as well! ^^


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