Posts by KamilG

KamilG

Jul 14, 2013

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Money for: successful sports professionals vs other important professions [3]

This can ~~then~~ lead to a rather controversial issue surrounding inequality.

Although this seems to be problematic, there are more beneficial effects.

- I would rather write " Although it may seem unfair, the current phenomenon is likely to have more beneficial than adverse effects."

Sports professionals are also taken into that part.They are not only a positive incentive for their followers to do physical activities, but also entertaining their fans in game competitions.

- Sport professionals also take part in that. They are not only a positive incentive for their followers to do physical activities, but also an entertainment for their fans in game competitions.

The last sentence of conclution is not very clear, especially how it is related to the whole essay.
Besides, as shadman19922 said, you should replace the word "afford".

I hope I was useful.

KamilG

Apr 29, 2013

Writing Feedback / IELTS essay, Increasing weight of people - causes and solutions [5]

Thank you all very much! I'll consider all your remarks and try to avoid these mistakes in my future essays :)

KamilG

Apr 26, 2013

Writing Feedback / IELTS essay, Increasing weight of people - causes and solutions [5]

In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing.
What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?

Nowadays overweight is one of the major problems of many countries, especially developed ones. The main reason for that is unhealthy lifestyle, which includes bad food habits and the lack of movement. In my essay I will analyze this problem and provide some possible solutions.

As I have already mentioned one of the principal causes of overweight is wrong nutrition. People tend to consume more products with high content of fats and carbohydrates, such as butter, cookies, roasted meat and fast food in particular, whereas the consumption of fruits and vegetables decreases. In order to help people to form healthy diet government and mass media should promote healthy diet and fast food restaurants should begin to offer a wider range of salads and vegetable soups.

Another reason of overweight is the lack of movement in people's life. More and more people spend their working day sitting at the table in office. Moreover they use their cars to travel to work instead of walking or riding a bicycle. I think that one should encourage people to visit gyms and fitness centres, go in for sports, use bicycles or walk if they need to travel for sahort distances. In order to implement these measures government should try to lower the prices for exercising in fitness centres, build sport facilities and increase the salaries of trainers, provide separate bicycle paths on city roads.

In conclusion I would like to say that overweight, being one of the main problems of nowadays society, has two major reasons - bad food preferences and the lack of movement. One can try to solve this problem by promoting healthy lifestyle, although I think that it is a choice of each person whether to watch over his weight and, therefore, health or not.

(293 words)
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Hello everybody! I will appreciate any feedback for my essay from your side.