Writing Feedback / TOEFL ;Reasons for attending college- Increasing knowledge &preparing for career [5]

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I am a fresher and I really need your help. I am preparing for the TOEFL test so I really need someone correct my writing. I am trying to accomplish 183 essay examples. Please help me! Thanks in advance! :)

Topic 1: People attend college or university for many different reasons. Why do you think people attend college or university? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Nowadays, with the development of the world, more and more people attend colleges or universities instead of seeking for a job after complete their high school. There are a lot of reasons for which people desire to get higher education. But the most popular reasons are reflected in two aspects: increasing knowledge and taking the advantages of career opportunitiy.

First of all, people who attend colleges or universities all want to increase their knowledge. When people study in high school, what they are learnt only provide them a fundamental education background. Some people do not satisfy with this experience because it does not serve their demand of getting knowledge. For example, you can not become a doctor if you only finish their high school diploma. When you are in high school, you are just taught about some main parts of a body and visceras, but you are not learnt how to fix them if something wrong happens. You must enter a medical university to get a medical degree. So, attending colleges or universities will help people fulfil their objectives.

In addition, attending colleges or universities not only helps people advance their education background. It also brings them better chances to attain a good job or to be promoted in their career. Today, along with the global modernization, only people who have university degree are considered for an important job or a high position in a company. Those who just graduate high school are not highly evaluated by their bosses. They often work in the factories or plants under poor conditions. There is no way to help them enhance their living conditions except continue learning to accumulate knowledge. Once their capacities reach to a certain level, they will be appointed to a higer position. Therefore, career opportunity is a good motivation to encourage people attend colleges or universities.

In conclusion, people attend colleges or universities for many different reasons, but the above points are the most common explainations. To me, I prefer enter university because of its benefits.