Posts by LeeHyoRi89

LeeHyoRi89

Jun 10, 2013

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Is it fair that sportmen earn far more money than doctors and teachers? [5]

Nowadays, while some people think that successful professional athletes are deserved to earn more money than people ~~working in other careers~~(having other careers or working in other fields) like doctors or teachers, others think that it is unjustified. This essay will discuss both ~~of these~~ views.

People think that a higher earning for successful ~~sportmen~~ sportsmen is fair for some reasons. First of all, they must devote themselves both physically and mentally in order to achieve an excellent result. Training is undoubtedly physical demanding and injuries are also likely to occur, some of which can be fatal. In addition, athletes may feel stressed as they are the representatives of their nations. Another reason for this view is that their high earnings will not last long. As time passes, they cannot stay permanently at the peak of their career, which means that their income will decrease gradually. Moreover, as they spend lots of time ~~practising~~ practicing and coaching, they may fall behind their classmates in terms of academic subjects, which, in turn, results in difficulties in finding another job after they retire.

However, ~~otherpeople~~ it is argued that it is not fair for people working in other important occupations. Firstly, these jobs provide basic needs for people and help ~~to improve~~ improve the living standard, meaning that they are more essential than sport. In fact, hardly can people have a better life without education or healthcare but they can still live normally without watching sport as it is just a way of entertaining. Furthermore, people working in these fields also need to have intellectur al abilities. They have to spend almost as much time as sports men, for examples, reading books in the library, doing the assignments and carrying out resear ch. Besides, they must focus physically and psychologically to get a flying colours degree and become Masters or PhDs.

In conclusion, I think that sports men and people like doctors or teachers should have ~~the~~ equal earnings.

LeeHyoRi89

Jun 6, 2013

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Too much emphasis on examinations [5]

I don't know how to use track change here. My comment for your essay is in the image below.

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LeeHyoRi89

Jun 5, 2013

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1: Heart Attacks by Age & Gender ; Chart information [2]

Topic 1:
The chart below shows information about Heart Attacks by Age and Gender in USA.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
You should write at least 150 words.
You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.

A glance at the bar graph provided reveals the information about frequency of heart attacks of US male and female in three different age groups (between 29 and 44, between 45 and 65 and over 65)

Not surprisingly, the number of American men, who suffer heart attacks is significantly higher than that of their counterparts.

As for age group 29-44, 123,000 cases of heart attacks occur in men over a year, while then number for women is negligible at only 3,000 cases. With regard to the next age group (45-64), the proportion of people with heart attacks increases staggeringly to over 420,000 cases in men annually. That number is three times as high as that of women. However, the number of women over 65 years old having heart attacks approximately triple the number of women in the other age groups combined, meanwhile, that number of male sufferers just increase slightly from 424,000 to 440,000 - they comprise nearly 60 % of all victims.

In summary, it seems that heart attacks occur more frequent when people get older.

Topic 2:
The graph below compares the number of visits to two new music sites on the web.

Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below.
You should write at least 150 words.

Given is the line graph comparing the number of people who access to two new music places on the Internet namely Music Choice and Pop parade in fifteen-day period.

In general, there was an upward trend with a slight increase for the two categories surveyed over the period.

With regards to Pop parade, after remaining stable in the first three day at 120,000 visits per day, the figure dropped significantly in the next four day to reach a trough at just over 20,000 visits. From day 7 to day 10, the number suddenly recovered its starting high, soaring to a peak at around 145,000 the day after. The number then fell again to nearly 80,000 visits in day 12 and 13 before rocketing to a higher peak and end the period at more than 165,000 visits.

Regarding Music Choice, the frequency of visits was generally lower than Pop parade. Starting the period at 40,000 visits per day which was three times lower than that of its counterpart, the figure fluctuated around 20,000 and 60,000 times until the 11th day. Only in day 12 and 13 did Music Choice win its opponent in popularity with figure rising significantly and suddenly to around 120,000 visit times. In day 14, the number of people went on this site remained the same, however, Music Choice lost its number one position with 120,000 visits compared to 165,000 visits of Pop parade. In the last day of the period, Music Choice lost 50,000 visitors, ending the period at approximately 70,000 visitors, nearly half of its competitor.

Topic 1
Topic 2