Undergraduate / "Hey man, you should check out Baylor" - supplement essay [4]

Baylor Uni.
Why do you want to attend Baylor U. and how do you see yourself contributing to the community at Baylor?

As I sat with my laptop, I was suddenly joined by my friends who thought it best to discuss future college plans amongst friends. I agreed and began showing them my research on colleges with a reputation for a top-notch pre-medical program and as I showed them, I heard one of them enthusiastically shout "Hey man, you should check out Baylor, it's one of the best colleges for what you're looking for!". "Sure David, I'll check it out later", I responded however apathetically. Throughout our discussion, David relentlessly suggested I check out Baylor now. Adamant in his tone I eventually agreed. Upon my findings, I could finally see what David was arduously droning on and on about. One of the first things I noticed was the diversity. For as far as I can recall, I've lived in relatively towns and communities with limited exposure to diverse cultures. I'm very intrigued by the idea of experiencing these cultures in all their entirety as much as I can. I went back to David to get a better understanding as to why he felt so strongly about Baylor. He told me he had a couple cousins who attended Baylor and they told him of the experiences they had there and it seems like their time at Baylor was certainly life-changing to say the least. Hearing all this prompted me to apply. Also, contributing to the community at Baylor is something I could only hope for. I get along with people really well and I like knowing that a group of people can help make a better community. I take pride in doing a good job and I like participating in organizations that are going to help make a difference.

Undergraduate / "Life moves pretty fast..." - review my Villanova University Supplement Essay [2]

Villanova University
Emblazoned on our University Seal is a flaming heart which symbolizes St. Augustine's passionate search to know God and love others. What sets your heart on fire?

As aptly stated in one of my favorite movies of all time, Ferris Bueller's Day Off, "Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it." This brilliant quote, appropriately declared by the protagonist, Ferris Bueller, made me think that there are numerous moments in life that are completely overlooked, because we aren't paying attention, and the fact that this kind of thing happens on a daily basis sets my heart ablaze.

I once visited New York City on a family day trip. During the journey, I was told about how great the city known as The Big Apple is and as a result, my expectations were raised. I remember walking through the Financial District when I noticed something; people were either walking or talking, never did I see someone who truly appreciated things that were constantly happening around them, prompting me to wonder "Can we, as individuals, ever reach our destination without ever fully experiencing how we got there?"

Since a young age I've been vigilant towards my surroundings. I noticed streetlights, graffiti on the walls of abandoned buildings, smell of the passing boats and of course people. Now, these little tidbits may seem unimportant to most people, but to me, they are as important as your morning coffee. Witnessing these familial signals, I get overcome with a rush of happiness, similar to winning a game. Habitually associating these cues with my daily routine, it would've thrown me off my game if they were to suddenly become absent.

From the odoriferous pile of fish on a boat to the obscene expletives painted on walls, these "sparks" that might seem trite are of great importance to my life. They set my heart on fire. These minute events have an extreme impact on my life, much like how without tiny separate puzzle pieces, you couldn't create a beautiful mosaic. After all, all it takes is a tiny spark to kindle a roaring flame.

Undergraduate / "My father was a great man, I looked up to him" - Common App Essay 2015 [3]

Kindly, if possible, make corrections, so I could exactly where I went wrong, and how you would improve it. I know it's over the word limit, so if you could also help reduce where necessary, it would be greatly appreciated.

Some students have a background or story that is so central to their identity that they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.

My father was a great man, I looked up to him. He was determined, patient, and extremely charming, everything you'd want in a role model. He was also, most notably, a go-getter, trying new things that were out of his comfort zone. He's a doctor, and the first time he rented an apartment he thought to himself, "If I had bought this apartment, fixed it up and flipped it, I would've made a great deal of profit". That single thought, that simple line laid the foundation for his real estate agency he formed later that year. He was passionate in all his tasks, took things head on, never feared the outcome. A truly great man.

That was then. Nowadays, I don't even know where he is. He abandoned my mother and me a couple years back for another family, sending my mother into a deep manic depression. I had to take responsibility for my mother. She attempted suicide multiple times and as a result this put a hold on my education for almost a school term. She was able to compartmentalize her emotions at work, but broke down when she came home. She took the whole situation very badly, and in her episodes, she took her rage and sadness out on me, mostly in the form of verbal abuse, constantly comparing my mannerisms and behavior to his. It was emotionally devastating to hear my mother highlight my flaws, constantly comparing me to the one man she hated most in the world. This constant comparison gave me a burning desire to be nothing like him, to change my ways, from being like someone I looked up to, to be nothing like him.

I can't say it's been an easy road, cause it hasn't, because all the comparison and emotional turmoil, I'd be lying if I said I'm not my father's son. There are certain mannerisms I possess, that strike a familiarity between my father and me. The best example, is the situation where we are asked to send on a cup or bottle of water. I cannot do this without first taking a drink, albeit a sip of the water. In the accumulated time I've spent with my father, I can openly say, it's never been sufficient time to learn his habits. You can possibly say it's genes or maybe I unconsciously picked it up, but my father and I do share similar qualities. I'm grateful for some of them, however, I'm grateful for his dedication, his open-mindedness and his ability to view a situation unbiased, no matter the condition. However there's one trait of his that stands out beyond all the rest, I wish never to learn to his extent, his charm. He had a way with words, he could convince you that coffee is tea and vice versa, and being such a great orator, you'd believe him.

But just like most things in life, there's always a limit. He crossed the line from being charming to being manipulative, long roads back, however at the time, it was more of a conscious cross, rather than an impulse. The best illustration of this, is the fact that, my father has never paid for anything, with his own money,, he's always used my mother's credit card, leaving her to foot the bill, no matter the scenario, whether it be a simple lunch, or a night out. My mother was left to take care of his expenses. And when she tried to convince him to cut back or to stop altogether, he'd use his words lavishly and carefully that my mother would end up apologizing to him. The level of pain and stress my mother endured because of this man, is something I wouldn't even wish on my worst enemy. Witnessing this, I had a choice, I could either live in the past, clinging on to an ideal where my father is present, or I could grow up and make my own future with just my mother and I, and make something of myself, be someone independent of my father, to a point where he could never say he had a part in making me. Sometimes, to make a new, better you, you got to break the old you down completely.

That same year I entered my last year of high school, initially struggling to keep my grades up as well as take care of my mother. Over time, my mother recovered, slowly but surely, pushing me to better myself even more. I obtained the 2nd highest score in my school. Even though that was supposed to be the greatest moment of my life, I cannot deny that my actual greatest moment was when I saw my mother's expression as I told her the great news, and I saw something in her eyes, that I hadn't seen in a long time. I saw hope. That was the moment I knew, she had moved on from my father and saw a bright future for both of us. The whole ordeal taught me that I cannot allow one experience to neither hinder nor define my life. It made me grow into a better person with more depth and knowledge. Overcoming this experience proves the mantra "today is the first day of the rest of your life". While I wouldn't wish this experience on anyone else, I do hope that my experience can allow me to be a lifeline for others in need, not only in college, but for throughout my life. I look forward to beginning my journey in college.

Undergraduate / Community service at the Morant Bay Infirmary; Extracurricular activity [4]

The prompt for the Short Answer on the Common Application states, "Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (1,000 character maximum)."

Assisting others and working in a medical environment is a passion of mine. Over the years in High School, I performed community service at the Morant Bay Infirmary. When performing community service, I contemplated the future challenges ahead. My anxiety rose during the orientation, when we were told not to get impatient with the patients and treat them with the respect they deserve and show appropriate behavior. Gradually, after difficult training, I began to adore working at the infirmary and the many people there. Initially, I didn't think the patients would have such a great impact on me. However, many of the older patients reminded me of my grandparents. I was born in the United States, and raised in Jamaica, which meant not fully knowing my grandparents, who were in India. Sadly, because of several communication problems, and other barriers, we were only able to talk a few times a year. However, working around the patients helped make up for the lost time with my grandparents. I really enjoyed my experience working there over the years because I believe I was able to make a difference in their lives as much as they did mine. There is no doubt that working in this Infirmary has indeed furthered my intense interest to focus my career in the medical field.

They need 1000 characters and mine goes over, could someone help me out and in any way shorten specific aspects. Thanks in advance much appreciated.