Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK2:Popularity of mobile phones to young people [7]

The idea is great , but need to put it in the following structure , then it will be clear and easy to follow with.

First you have to arrange the essay in three paragraphs:
1- Introduction that explain the main idea and the two side of the topic if they weren`t clear.
2-Body part with contains two paragraphs , first the positive side ( should be the side that you don`t agree with) as you should explain that in the next paragraph .

3- the conclusion part , which should be one part with your conclusion and it`s connected to the first main part.