nathan1818
Sep 22, 2013
Speeches / 'School for mentally disabled kids' - College Application Essay [4]
Like how? Aren't college essays suppose to be formal?
Like how? Aren't college essays suppose to be formal?
nathan1818
Sep 21, 2013
Speeches / 'School for mentally disabled kids' - College Application Essay [4]
Essay Topic: In the space provided, please write a concise narrative in which you describe a meaningful event, experience or accomplishment in your life and how it will affect your college experience or your contribution to the UF campus community. You may want to reflect on your ideas about student responsibility, academic integrity, campus citizenship or a call to service.
If you have any ideas on what to add/ change. Also the grammar. Thank you!
Essay:
When I was in elementary school, the administration wanted to send me to a school for kids that were mentally disabled. Their reasoning behind such a decision was because they didn't want to invest their time in helping me understand the material that was being taught at the time. I was ashamed of myself because now I had to once again relearn the material, but all my friends got to proceed onto the next grade without me. I would try to obtain the material, but the information that was being taught would go through "one ear and out the other". I even remember my older brother saying to me one day in the car, "You are not going to go anywhere in life." This is when I knew I had to prove everyone wrong. I could not sit around any longer and have everyone that surrounded me tell me I was not good enough or I was not going to be what I truly wanted to be when I grow up, which was a "roller coaster designer". This is when I decided to get enrolled into Sylvan Learning Center because I knew that in order for me to succeed in the future; I needed to take the initiative and work tediously to strive for my goals. In fact I had to force myself to pay attention in class more often and even at home when dealing with the homework or studying for a test. I would sit on the kitchen counter some nights, for hours, just spelling out words and saying them out loud so I would remember them for the test. Without me taking this initiative and wanting change for the better I would not be where I am today, which is in the International Baccalaureate Program being ranked in the top three percent in my school. This experience has helped me gain the confidence and studious characteristics that have made me into the person I am today. With these attributions I plan on making my years at the University of Florida, if accepted, worth every second by participating in most, if not all, of the academic activities, and club that the University of Florida has to offer. No matter how hard or tiresome my classes get, I know that I will always be persistent and determined to get the best possible grade and achieve great goals when attending because I know what it will take to succeed.
Essay Topic: In the space provided, please write a concise narrative in which you describe a meaningful event, experience or accomplishment in your life and how it will affect your college experience or your contribution to the UF campus community. You may want to reflect on your ideas about student responsibility, academic integrity, campus citizenship or a call to service.
If you have any ideas on what to add/ change. Also the grammar. Thank you!
Essay:
When I was in elementary school, the administration wanted to send me to a school for kids that were mentally disabled. Their reasoning behind such a decision was because they didn't want to invest their time in helping me understand the material that was being taught at the time. I was ashamed of myself because now I had to once again relearn the material, but all my friends got to proceed onto the next grade without me. I would try to obtain the material, but the information that was being taught would go through "one ear and out the other". I even remember my older brother saying to me one day in the car, "You are not going to go anywhere in life." This is when I knew I had to prove everyone wrong. I could not sit around any longer and have everyone that surrounded me tell me I was not good enough or I was not going to be what I truly wanted to be when I grow up, which was a "roller coaster designer". This is when I decided to get enrolled into Sylvan Learning Center because I knew that in order for me to succeed in the future; I needed to take the initiative and work tediously to strive for my goals. In fact I had to force myself to pay attention in class more often and even at home when dealing with the homework or studying for a test. I would sit on the kitchen counter some nights, for hours, just spelling out words and saying them out loud so I would remember them for the test. Without me taking this initiative and wanting change for the better I would not be where I am today, which is in the International Baccalaureate Program being ranked in the top three percent in my school. This experience has helped me gain the confidence and studious characteristics that have made me into the person I am today. With these attributions I plan on making my years at the University of Florida, if accepted, worth every second by participating in most, if not all, of the academic activities, and club that the University of Florida has to offer. No matter how hard or tiresome my classes get, I know that I will always be persistent and determined to get the best possible grade and achieve great goals when attending because I know what it will take to succeed.
nathan1818
Sep 21, 2013
Speeches / Don't Quit School - Statistics speech [2]
There are 74.1 million students in school in the United States. (Re-word this to "In the United States, there are approximately 74.1 million students attending school")14.8 million in high school, and 35 million attending elementary schools.( "Of these 74.1 million students, 14.8 are in high school and 35 million are in elementary schools" ) Unfortunately for these children , a third of high school students who drop out from school, leave in their first year of high school. Aand a quarter of high school students are either held back, or don'tthis is formal you do not use contractions you have to spell them out " do not" graduate at all.
There are 74.1 million students in school in the United States. (Re-word this to "In the United States, there are approximately 74.1 million students attending school")
nathan1818
Aug 9, 2013
Undergraduate / my teachers never really cared about me; UCF College App [4]
Thank you, but what do you mean by this "that I should been attended"? The "been" is kind of confusing me.
Thank you, but what do you mean by this "that I should been attended"? The "been" is kind of confusing me.
nathan1818
Aug 9, 2013
Undergraduate / my teachers never really cared about me; UCF College App [4]
Essay topic: If there has been some obstacle or "bump in the road," in your academic or personal life, please explain the circumstances.
Essay itself: When looking back at my life, as of right now, I noticed that not everything has been handed to me; in fact I have had to strive to achieve the best possible goals in most situations. "The greater the obstacle, the more glory in overcoming it" was once said by a man named Molière. This saying holds true to my heart because I know what exactly he is trying to say. When I was in elementary school my teachers never really cared about me, they wanted to send me to a school for kids that were mentally disabled. At the time my parents just split up, my dad living in New York and my mom living in Florida. That is when I moved down to Florida to live with my mom. The change was difficult, but it was the least of my worries. I was still in school and still having trouble with my grades. I even remember my brother saying to me one day in the car "you aren't going to go anywhere in life". This is when I knew I had to prove everyone wrong. My mom enrolled me into Sylvan learning center which helped me learn how to pace my work and taught me new ways of learning. I had to work extremely hard to get to where I am now, and achieve as much as I have so far. This obstacle has formulated the person I am today because I would most likely not even be applying to the University of Central Florida right now.
Questions: What can I fix to make the essay better? Could anyone fix any grammar mistakes that you see?
Essay topic: If there has been some obstacle or "bump in the road," in your academic or personal life, please explain the circumstances.
Essay itself: When looking back at my life, as of right now, I noticed that not everything has been handed to me; in fact I have had to strive to achieve the best possible goals in most situations. "The greater the obstacle, the more glory in overcoming it" was once said by a man named Molière. This saying holds true to my heart because I know what exactly he is trying to say. When I was in elementary school my teachers never really cared about me, they wanted to send me to a school for kids that were mentally disabled. At the time my parents just split up, my dad living in New York and my mom living in Florida. That is when I moved down to Florida to live with my mom. The change was difficult, but it was the least of my worries. I was still in school and still having trouble with my grades. I even remember my brother saying to me one day in the car "you aren't going to go anywhere in life". This is when I knew I had to prove everyone wrong. My mom enrolled me into Sylvan learning center which helped me learn how to pace my work and taught me new ways of learning. I had to work extremely hard to get to where I am now, and achieve as much as I have so far. This obstacle has formulated the person I am today because I would most likely not even be applying to the University of Central Florida right now.
Questions: What can I fix to make the essay better? Could anyone fix any grammar mistakes that you see?
