nathan1818 2 / 3 Aug 9, 2013 #1Essay topic: If there has been some obstacle or "bump in the road," in your academic or personal life, please explain the circumstances.Essay itself: When looking back at my life, as of right now, I noticed that not everything has been handed to me; in fact I have had to strive to achieve the best possible goals in most situations. "The greater the obstacle, the more glory in overcoming it" was once said by a man named Molière. This saying holds true to my heart because I know what exactly he is trying to say. When I was in elementary school my teachers never really cared about me, they wanted to send me to a school for kids that were mentally disabled. At the time my parents just split up, my dad living in New York and my mom living in Florida. That is when I moved down to Florida to live with my mom. The change was difficult, but it was the least of my worries. I was still in school and still having trouble with my grades. I even remember my brother saying to me one day in the car "you aren't going to go anywhere in life". This is when I knew I had to prove everyone wrong. My mom enrolled me into Sylvan learning center which helped me learn how to pace my work and taught me new ways of learning. I had to work extremely hard to get to where I am now, and achieve as much as I have so far. This obstacle has formulated the person I am today because I would most likely not even be applying to the University of Central Florida right now.Questions: What can I fix to make the essay better? Could anyone fix any grammar mistakes that you see?
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592 Aug 9, 2013 #2they wanted to send me to a school for kids that were mentally disabled....their view was that I should been attended a school for the mentally retarded children.That is when I moved down to Florida to live with my momThat was the time I moved to Florida to live with my mom.This is when I knew I had to prove everyone wrong.This conveyed a strong message to me; Yes, I need to prove them all wrong!
OP nathan1818 2 / 3 Aug 9, 2013 #3Thank you, but what do you mean by this "that I should been attended"? The "been" is kind of confusing me.
Didgeridoo - / 306 191 Aug 9, 2013 #4This is a good starting response, but you need to narrow your focus to one obstacle or "bump in the road." I would focus on your academic obstacle and take away the bits about your parents splitting up, since those two situations seem to be unrelated. Moreover, you were able to fix the academic situation while you couldn't have fixed the situation with your parents.
