Essay Topic: In the space provided, please write a concise narrative in which you describe a meaningful event, experience or accomplishment in your life and how it will affect your college experience or your contribution to the UF campus community. You may want to reflect on your ideas about student responsibility, academic integrity, campus citizenship or a call to service.
If you have any ideas on what to add/ change. Also the grammar. Thank you!
Essay:
When I was in elementary school, the administration wanted to send me to a school for kids that were mentally disabled. Their reasoning behind such a decision was because they didn't want to invest their time in helping me understand the material that was being taught at the time. I was ashamed of myself because now I had to once again relearn the material, but all my friends got to proceed onto the next grade without me. I would try to obtain the material, but the information that was being taught would go through "one ear and out the other". I even remember my older brother saying to me one day in the car, "You are not going to go anywhere in life." This is when I knew I had to prove everyone wrong. I could not sit around any longer and have everyone that surrounded me tell me I was not good enough or I was not going to be what I truly wanted to be when I grow up, which was a "roller coaster designer". This is when I decided to get enrolled into Sylvan Learning Center because I knew that in order for me to succeed in the future; I needed to take the initiative and work tediously to strive for my goals. In fact I had to force myself to pay attention in class more often and even at home when dealing with the homework or studying for a test. I would sit on the kitchen counter some nights, for hours, just spelling out words and saying them out loud so I would remember them for the test. Without me taking this initiative and wanting change for the better I would not be where I am today, which is in the International Baccalaureate Program being ranked in the top three percent in my school. This experience has helped me gain the confidence and studious characteristics that have made me into the person I am today. With these attributions I plan on making my years at the University of Florida, if accepted, worth every second by participating in most, if not all, of the academic activities, and club that the University of Florida has to offer. No matter how hard or tiresome my classes get, I know that I will always be persistent and determined to get the best possible grade and achieve great goals when attending because I know what it will take to succeed.
Their reasoning behind such a decision was because they didn't want to invest their time in helping me understand the material that was being taught at the time.
Their reasoning behind such decision was based on their reluctance to invest any extra time to help a slow student like me.I was ashamed of myself because now I had to once again relearn the material, but all my friends got to proceed onto the next grade without me. I would try to obtain the material, but the information that was being taught would go through "one ear and out the other".
.... I wish you rephrased this part....not so clear :(
Yes... your writing sounds somewhat formal as in one of the earlier comments. Try to bring in more feelings to your writing.
