kido
Sep 6, 2013
Undergraduate / I loved science, so I did not concentrate on learning English; UT App- Personal Essay [14]
I revise my essay and also finish the other. Could everybody continue to comment about the idea and grammar of the essays? I will appreciate your help. I haven't decided my titles yet, so please tell me your idea about the title of my essays if you have. Thank you.
First essay: Statement of Purpose
The statement of purpose will provide an opportunity to explain any extenuating circumstances that you feel could add value to your application. You may also want to explain unique aspects of your academic background or valued experiences you may have had that relate to your academic discipline. The statement of purpose is not meant to be a listing of accomplishments in high school or a record of your participation in school-related activities. Rather, this is your opportunity to address the admission committee directly and to let us know more about you as an individual, in a manner that your transcripts and the other application information cannot convey.
My essay:
Becoming a computer scientist has been my dream since I was twelve years old. At that time, computers were very expensive. Only few families having a son or daughter who was admitted into a famous university tried to buy computers. They bought computers when they did not have another choice because their sons and daughters could not continue studying computer science without a computer. My family also bought a computer for my brother after he had this trouble. It was very expensive. I know that because before and after purchasing this computer, my parents had to work harder than they did. Four years later, when my brother graduated and brought the computer home, was the first time I saw a real computer. I touched it with the most happiness I ever experienced. I sat close to it while my brother was working with it. I learned how to use it by watching my brother. It was very amazing time of my life. I knew that this was the tool I would work with in my future and the field I would put my creativity and innovativeness in order to develop it. I loved science, so my dream at this time was practicable. I earned a high grade on the science exam required for university entrance after I graduated from high school. I studied at the most famous university in the South of my country, Ho Chi Minh City University of Technology. I had been studying there for almost two years before I came to the U.S.
The dream in childhood was not the only reason I choose my major. I did great deal of researches about it. I asked my brothers who have worked many years in this field. I read a lot of books, joined technology forums, and went to some meetings to learn more about what my major could do. I am really interesting in the idea of artificial intelligence. Computer scientists can create it to serve people especially in medical works. Besides, computer science associates with mechanical engineering create many fantastic products which take the place of humans in dangerous missions. For instance, an amazing product like a probotic bom-detecting can take the critical risk for soldiers in the war. Furthermore, I enjoy computer science because it provides opportunities for creativity and innovativeness. In this field, I can think freely about what I can create because there are still many applied products waiting for me to develop and perfect in order to serve people more effectively. The future opportunities in computer science are without boundaries. It makes the ideas in science fiction become real. Lastly, computing compliments occur through for both collaborative and individual effort. Computer scientists can work together to create extensive and complex software, or they can work individually to create apps for tablet, phone, and computer to serve personal requirements.
My mother realized that America is a place of opportunities. She knew I could have a better chance of learning and exploring new world with my ability, so she decided to bring me to America. However, she did not know that I had to face with harder challenge when I came to the U.S.: Finding the way to fit in with a new culture. I have to use a new language as well as be familiar with a new study environment. I do not have a role model who can give me some advice before I make any big decisions. Nevertheless, I do not think it is a difficulty but an opportunity that U.S. has granted to help me become more independent.
The U.S. is a big country with a modern technology. It gives me a chance to experience different advance technology products that I have never seen in Vietnam. It has been an eye-opening opportunity for me to know more about those amazing products. I also have an opportunity to study up to date information about my major. With me, the more I know about computer science, the more excited I am to study about it. In general, it always has been my dream to become a scientist and I know that persuading a degree in this area at University of Texas Austin is my next step to fulfill my dream.
Second essay: Personal Essay
Choose an issue of importance to you - the issue could be personal, school related, local, political, or international in scope - and write an essay in which you explain the significance of that issue to yourself, your family, your community, or your generation.
My essay:
It has been almost three years ago when I came to the U.S. I still remember the early days after my flight arrived at George Bush Intercontinental Airport. Before coming to the US, I was a student at a science university in Vietnam. My focus was entirely on science at the time, so I did not concentrate on learning English. That did not prepare me well for the new life in the US. Therefore, the first month living in the U.S. was the most embarrassing time period I have ever experienced. For instance, the immigration officer at the airport dismissed me because I could not understand his instructions. He had to take me to his office to finish my application, and I felt humiliated to be singled out in that manner. I remember what he said to other officers: "How can he [me] not speak English at his [my] age?" I will never forget this incident, not because I feel resentment for the officer, but because this incident taught me the importance of language. This incident has been a strong motivation for me to learn English. I realized not being able to speak English in the U.S. can make me a victim of misjudgments, a situation I wish not to find myself in. Therefore, soon after coming to the U.S., I registered at Houston Community College and started taking classes the next spring, even though my family wished for me to take time to familiarize myself with the life in the U.S.
The life in the U.S. is very different from the one in Vietnam. For instance, learning to drive was ...
I really enjoy studying in the U.S. The only problem is I have to learn the information in English. I have to explain my thoughts and ideas in English to my professors and my friends during class discussions. Most of my professors have been patient and helpful when they listen to me. Every time I run into trouble with vocabulary or struggle with explaining an answer, they help me with it. However, everything is not as easy when I work in a team with other students. My teammates have to be very patient to understand what I say. They usually help me to correct my words. We work together on assignments as needed, but beyond that, the language barrier really limits the socializing between us. I wish I could enjoy our leisure conversations more, to be a part of the team, and I understand that my language struggle is only a temporary step along the way of leaning English, so I am not discouraged by it. I tried to learn English harder, even when I am at home. I learn more vocabulary and made as many conversations as I can with my siblings. I have them create many different scenarios for me to apply the vocabulary and truly understand the meaning, so I could get used to it. After a year doing this strategy, I get better at catching up with class. I am able to explain my ideas and have longer conversation with my group mates.
I continued to finish the courses I need to take without any problems. Sometimes, I noticed that I read the books slower than my friends had to take a little time before saying anything. However, I constantly remind myself that it takes time to master a new language and that English is extremely important in my future. Even though Computer Science is generally not known as a career which requires extensive communication skills, having a strong command of English is still a key to success in the US and beyond. Computer scientists work with highly technical information and often on team projects, and having colleagues understand one another clearly is essential for efficient collaboration. My life experience in the US so far has taught me that language is the vehicle to achievements and to make learning English as my first priority. It will pave the way for my education and career as a scientist ahead.
I revise my essay and also finish the other. Could everybody continue to comment about the idea and grammar of the essays? I will appreciate your help. I haven't decided my titles yet, so please tell me your idea about the title of my essays if you have. Thank you.
First essay: Statement of Purpose
The statement of purpose will provide an opportunity to explain any extenuating circumstances that you feel could add value to your application. You may also want to explain unique aspects of your academic background or valued experiences you may have had that relate to your academic discipline. The statement of purpose is not meant to be a listing of accomplishments in high school or a record of your participation in school-related activities. Rather, this is your opportunity to address the admission committee directly and to let us know more about you as an individual, in a manner that your transcripts and the other application information cannot convey.
My essay:
Becoming a computer scientist has been my dream since I was twelve years old. At that time, computers were very expensive. Only few families having a son or daughter who was admitted into a famous university tried to buy computers. They bought computers when they did not have another choice because their sons and daughters could not continue studying computer science without a computer. My family also bought a computer for my brother after he had this trouble. It was very expensive. I know that because before and after purchasing this computer, my parents had to work harder than they did. Four years later, when my brother graduated and brought the computer home, was the first time I saw a real computer. I touched it with the most happiness I ever experienced. I sat close to it while my brother was working with it. I learned how to use it by watching my brother. It was very amazing time of my life. I knew that this was the tool I would work with in my future and the field I would put my creativity and innovativeness in order to develop it. I loved science, so my dream at this time was practicable. I earned a high grade on the science exam required for university entrance after I graduated from high school. I studied at the most famous university in the South of my country, Ho Chi Minh City University of Technology. I had been studying there for almost two years before I came to the U.S.
The dream in childhood was not the only reason I choose my major. I did great deal of researches about it. I asked my brothers who have worked many years in this field. I read a lot of books, joined technology forums, and went to some meetings to learn more about what my major could do. I am really interesting in the idea of artificial intelligence. Computer scientists can create it to serve people especially in medical works. Besides, computer science associates with mechanical engineering create many fantastic products which take the place of humans in dangerous missions. For instance, an amazing product like a probotic bom-detecting can take the critical risk for soldiers in the war. Furthermore, I enjoy computer science because it provides opportunities for creativity and innovativeness. In this field, I can think freely about what I can create because there are still many applied products waiting for me to develop and perfect in order to serve people more effectively. The future opportunities in computer science are without boundaries. It makes the ideas in science fiction become real. Lastly, computing compliments occur through for both collaborative and individual effort. Computer scientists can work together to create extensive and complex software, or they can work individually to create apps for tablet, phone, and computer to serve personal requirements.
My mother realized that America is a place of opportunities. She knew I could have a better chance of learning and exploring new world with my ability, so she decided to bring me to America. However, she did not know that I had to face with harder challenge when I came to the U.S.: Finding the way to fit in with a new culture. I have to use a new language as well as be familiar with a new study environment. I do not have a role model who can give me some advice before I make any big decisions. Nevertheless, I do not think it is a difficulty but an opportunity that U.S. has granted to help me become more independent.
The U.S. is a big country with a modern technology. It gives me a chance to experience different advance technology products that I have never seen in Vietnam. It has been an eye-opening opportunity for me to know more about those amazing products. I also have an opportunity to study up to date information about my major. With me, the more I know about computer science, the more excited I am to study about it. In general, it always has been my dream to become a scientist and I know that persuading a degree in this area at University of Texas Austin is my next step to fulfill my dream.
Second essay: Personal Essay
Choose an issue of importance to you - the issue could be personal, school related, local, political, or international in scope - and write an essay in which you explain the significance of that issue to yourself, your family, your community, or your generation.
My essay:
It has been almost three years ago when I came to the U.S. I still remember the early days after my flight arrived at George Bush Intercontinental Airport. Before coming to the US, I was a student at a science university in Vietnam. My focus was entirely on science at the time, so I did not concentrate on learning English. That did not prepare me well for the new life in the US. Therefore, the first month living in the U.S. was the most embarrassing time period I have ever experienced. For instance, the immigration officer at the airport dismissed me because I could not understand his instructions. He had to take me to his office to finish my application, and I felt humiliated to be singled out in that manner. I remember what he said to other officers: "How can he [me] not speak English at his [my] age?" I will never forget this incident, not because I feel resentment for the officer, but because this incident taught me the importance of language. This incident has been a strong motivation for me to learn English. I realized not being able to speak English in the U.S. can make me a victim of misjudgments, a situation I wish not to find myself in. Therefore, soon after coming to the U.S., I registered at Houston Community College and started taking classes the next spring, even though my family wished for me to take time to familiarize myself with the life in the U.S.
The life in the U.S. is very different from the one in Vietnam. For instance, learning to drive was ...
I really enjoy studying in the U.S. The only problem is I have to learn the information in English. I have to explain my thoughts and ideas in English to my professors and my friends during class discussions. Most of my professors have been patient and helpful when they listen to me. Every time I run into trouble with vocabulary or struggle with explaining an answer, they help me with it. However, everything is not as easy when I work in a team with other students. My teammates have to be very patient to understand what I say. They usually help me to correct my words. We work together on assignments as needed, but beyond that, the language barrier really limits the socializing between us. I wish I could enjoy our leisure conversations more, to be a part of the team, and I understand that my language struggle is only a temporary step along the way of leaning English, so I am not discouraged by it. I tried to learn English harder, even when I am at home. I learn more vocabulary and made as many conversations as I can with my siblings. I have them create many different scenarios for me to apply the vocabulary and truly understand the meaning, so I could get used to it. After a year doing this strategy, I get better at catching up with class. I am able to explain my ideas and have longer conversation with my group mates.
I continued to finish the courses I need to take without any problems. Sometimes, I noticed that I read the books slower than my friends had to take a little time before saying anything. However, I constantly remind myself that it takes time to master a new language and that English is extremely important in my future. Even though Computer Science is generally not known as a career which requires extensive communication skills, having a strong command of English is still a key to success in the US and beyond. Computer scientists work with highly technical information and often on team projects, and having colleagues understand one another clearly is essential for efficient collaboration. My life experience in the US so far has taught me that language is the vehicle to achievements and to make learning English as my first priority. It will pave the way for my education and career as a scientist ahead.
