Undergraduate / My mom is my greatest influence; person who had an influence [2]

You're mom is a pretty cool person. I think you mostly got only half of the prompt down.

You've described the person who has an influence on you, but you didn't get into specifics on what about her urged you do participate in stuff.

"She is the reason I am able to write this admissions letter, she pushed me to work hard in school, and in my extracurriculars so that I would have to opportunity to apply to college. She has given me all that she can and I can only hope that I will make her proud"

Maybe you can explain what extracurriculars she got you into. And talk more how you've changed because of her.

Also, give examples of how she's pushed you to work hard in school. Did she remind you to do your homework, ect, and how you've responded to that.

Remember that this essay is mostly about showing the admission peeps about you as a person (who has been influenced by x person).

I hope this helps, I don't know much about college admissions (workin' on my essay as well), so you don't have to take my advice too much. :P