Writing Feedback / The higher goal the bigger efforts for it. (SAT Essay) [5]

Do people have to be highly competitive in order to succeed?
People should be very competitive if they want to succeed. The higher goal the bigger efforts for it. Several examples from literature, sport and personal life clearly demonstrate that people should never give up in competitions the life runs them into.

Jules Verne's "Around the World in 80 days" shows that the only way for Phileas Fogg to succeed is to win the competition. Some gentlemen from London made a bet for a lot of money that Mr Fogg couldn't round the world in 80 days. Despite all the problems that he and his valet Passepartout met on his way they succeeded for the reason they never gave up.

A lot of examples from sport can prove that in order to succeed people should be highly competitive. The most famous automobile sport is F1. In 2009 the association decided that the key thing in F1 will be not the points, won on different races, but the number of the wins. That proves that the only thing that does really matter is the win.

In my life I have met a lot of competitions in which only the win matters. I have been participating in mathematical competitions for 7 years. When I was 10 years old I did awful in a local competition and that made me want only the first prize. That's the reason I became really competitive since then and only few months later I was on a national competition. In 2007 I went on an International Olympiad and got 2nd prize. That shows that people have to be highly competitive if they want to succeed.

The win only matters. That's why people should never give up in trying to achieve their big goals. They should never come to terms with the lose. In order to succeed nothing on the way should be a pitfall. Otherwise the only thing that can be got is the second place in the pursuit.

Would you please check my essay. This is my second essay based on SAT requirements and since the previous one was awful I think that this is better. I've written it for 25 minutes so there are maybe some mistakes which I'll be grateful if you correct. The maximum score on SAT essay is 12 out of 12. Thanks a lot.