Book Reports / How to write a great critique! [3]

Hi, tommorrow ( i know i spelled that wrong) I will be writing my first critique that gets marked. I would like to know how to do it properly and well. ( my english makrs are on the low, and I really need to bring it up). So I looked at this peiece of document that the teacher gave us and though if you guys could add on to it? like certain detail or wat to do. By the way we are allowed to use our notes.

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Critique template given by teacher :
Introduction. Write a brief summary of the central topic or issues addressed in the article or essay that you have been asked to critique. State the writer's topic and thesis, and briefly describe the process by which s/he examines or explains the thesis. Be sure to mention what form of writing is used (description, narration, persuasion, argumentation or information). Decide whether the text persuades or not and why it does or does not do so. Check for obvious biases, flawed logic, false arguments and so on. Write a position statement-your thesis-that you can use to centre your response. Examine the diction, syntax, literary devices and tone of the essay.

Diction. Examine the writer's choice of words. Choose samples of his/her word choice and explain how these words are used. Obviously, you should look for samples that have some emotion attached to them. Explain how the connotation of such words might affect the audience. For example, if a writer were writing about "teenage gangs" and called the members of such gangs "social excrement," what is the writer's bias in using such terms? What would the writer's target audience be?

Syntax. Examine the writer's overall style. Is the essay composed of mostly short, abrupt sentences? Long, tedious sentences? A mixture of long and short? Are the paragraphs easy to follow? Does one paragraph flow into the next? Does the writer stay on topic? Is the writing style logical? Sample areas of the essay that show:

(a) how the overall writing style is effective
(b) how the overall writing style is weak
(c) areas of strength and/or weakness

Remember this paragraph examines writing style and not the writer's content.
Rhetorical Devices. Explain the effectiveness of any rhetorical devices that the writer uses. Such devices include such things as imagery, analogy, allusions, anecdote, examples, paradox, irony, sarcasm, satire. Each rhetorical device must be explained in a separate paragraph. But choose no more than three.

Rhetorical Devices same as above

Rhetorical Devices same as above

Tone. Explain your view of the writer's attitudes towards the subject of the essay, towards the people (audience) reading the essay, or towards him/herself. Often, you will need to account for what appeals the writer might be using in the essay - appeals to character? to celebrity? to logic? to emotion?

Conclusion. Write your concluding paragraph to include a reference to the essay you critique, a consolidation of the points you have raised, and the result of the reasoning you have applied: your conclusion, that is, your position statement in different words. Offer your reader a suggestion as to the worthiness of reading the essay that you have just critiqued.

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Your help has so far been very appreciated ( that is spelled right?)

Writing Feedback / "King of the Jungle - story feedback [5]

I created a short story revolving around the theme of Humans only do things with the benefit of themselves. I would like a feedback on whether my short is good on a scale of 1 to 10.

Also if you spot any grammar or spelling mistakes can you please point them out. all help is appreciated:
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A group of tourists lowered their heads as they were driving into the jungle hoping to find something to take a photo of. Then the ride came to a sudden halt. The tourists poked their heads out to see that the tour guide was on the phone. "Sorry guys but the bus overheated and the time belt broke" said the tour guide. "However, headquarters will send someone over, but until then I am instructed to take your names." So the tour guide took some paper and a pen and started jotting the people's names. After that was done the tour guide spoke again "Okay guys. I will show you some of the plants around here- don't worry about the missing the person from headquarters because we will be within visual range of the bus." One by one, the tourists walked out to see the flowers nearby. But then a tiger within the dark jumped out and sank its teeth into one of the tourist's neck. The beast was first dragging its meal into the darkness, but then started dashing back. Everyone in complete chock made a dash back to the bus. After everybody became calm, the tour guide started for checking names and gave a puzzled look. "Wait, I am missing two people". Everyone looked at one another. "The two men I believed were brothers, they told me they were junior hunters" said one of the tourists. Everyone now in silence slowly realized that the beast started running because the brother came after it with a weapon. BOOM. "Hey, I am from headquarters- IS ANYONE IN HERE?" The tour guide opened the door and a man wearing a leather jacket came in. Everyone looked at the man; he had short black hair, light brown skin, glasses and two shiny guns on his back. To the tourists he looked like a poacher who probably can hide well in the dark because of his hair and the guns would blend in as well. The poacher started speaking "Hey, you people must be the tourists, I am sorry to say we cannot send in a mechanic at the time, so I was sent to guide you back to headquarters safely and unharmed. Alright now we know what is going on at HQ let's see who is here". Everyone was silent. So the tour guide spoke for everyone and said "Here is the list of tourists but we were just lost two to a tiger, we were walking," SLAP." YOU IDIOT YOU PUT THE TOURISTS F****N LIVES ON THE LINE" yelled the Poacher. The poacher then pulled a pistol out from his pocket. "Out, everyone out". The tourists quickly filed out in a group. The poacher came out and looked at all of them in the eye and said" All right people call me the hunter, my boss calls me a life saver- why? Because I protect the prey from the predator" said the hunter. "Now those two that have gone into the wilderness is good as dead. If you want to live you must listen to my specific instructions" said the hunter. Then the hunter started walking down the trail the bus had made." By the way, we always have to be on the move, its windy and once the beast sniff our scent they will go crazy and crave for us". Immediately the tourists went close to the hunter as he went walking down the trail.

After a little while darkness crept in and night took place. One of the tourists then broke the long silence" Hey shouldn't we start to camp for the night. The hunter then stopped and turned back "Alright, we are going to need to make a fire, and find an appropriate place to sleep" replied the hunter. "Hey what if the tiger comes?" said one of the tourists. "I think we should keep walking just in case the tiger catches our scent" said another tourist. "WAIT how about we start a fire and everyone sleeps around it so we are safe for the night" said another tourist. BANG." EVERYBODY ON THE FLOOR" said the hunter. Everyone went down on the ground laying in fear. They were watching as the hunter was spinning around and loading his gun. The he stopped and all the tourists looked ahead, and saw something they had just regret looking at. Immediately the girls and the tour guide got up and ran, while the hunter immediately shot the tiger. The tiger avoided the bullet and dashed forward. The hunter threw another round just grazing the tiger's hind legs. The tiger landed on one of the tourists, and started to make a bite on its prey's neck. BANG BANG BANG. The tiger then rolled over with blood trickling down. Immediately, the terrified tourist ran behind a tree, and saw the hunter picking up his weapon and went to check the tiger. Then he looked up with a black eye." Okay its dead- we are going to camp somewhere else". "Wait we should treat your black eye, I have a med kit on me" said the tour guide. The hunter then started walking away knowing that they will follow him. One of the girls came up and asked "how did you get that black eye, the tiger came nowhere near you?" "That's what happens when I shoot a tranquilizer through a scope"the hunter replied. "After that they started walking much faster than before.

Sooner and later they found a used camp site and lit a fire and started sleeping. Before everyone went to sleep the hunter spoke up. "Those who ran at the first sight of the tiger - good job. I am glad the tiger didn't get you. However by protecting yourself, you put everyone else at risk. The one person that listened to my instruction was killed because of your self defence. You guys actually think the tiger would come and attack ME? Obviously not, he would go for the weakest- and that was our friend back there. If you tourists stayed on the floor then the tiger would actually think for a second on who to pounce- thus giving me enough time to switch my weapon and protect everyone. You tourists are all the same, think nothing but how to enjoy yourselves. Remember I can fight the predator, you can't that is why I am here. You think I like saving your sorry a**e*? I do this for a living. "With that everyone turned silent and reflected on themselves.

After a while one of the tourists spoke out "I don't get it, the travel agency said it would be safe and here I am at the possibility of being attacked anytime." All the other tourists murmured in agreement. "Don't you get it, it costs more to write on the brochure that tigers are present- we are talking of clever businessmen and they want to make profit and feel really happy with the profit they make. They don't give a damn about our safety said the tour guide angrily. That was the last thing anybody said that night.

Everyone tried to rest with all activities that have taken place. Next morning they made it to the headquarters. Immediately the tourists started crying of joy and were taken in the hotel to be groomed and fed. The hunter however went the opposite direction. The hunter was walking towards an office but went around it to the back where he met the tour guide. From there they went to an outhouse in the jungle.

"So you found the tiger?" asked the hunter. "Yup" replied the tour guide. They went into the outhouse where they saw a tiger. The tiger jumped but got shot in mid air. This time it was the tour guide with the gun. The hunter went up to the beast and skinned it. "All right I will call headquarters to report" said the hunter as he pulled out his cell phone. "Hello, yes the tourists have arrived with 4 of them missing. No we still haven't found the white tiger. Don't worry about my promotion-I quit. Forget my retirement money and give me a ride to the airport. Thank you. Three of the casualties were tourists and the last one was the tour guide. Yes that is all." The hunter closed his cell phone.

"So how much are we selling the white tiger skin for? Asked the tour guide. "Enough to make a profit" replied the hunter. "You know you are a big hypocrite" said the tour guide." Wait, remember that the tour guide is dead, and my" younger brother" and I are going back home" replied the hunter. "So, I can finally use my name Salman?" said the tour guide." Yes Amir, please remember you are the younger one "said Salman as he packed the exotic tiger skin in his bag. "Alright I will see you at the airport, later Amir" said Salman. "You know Salman we are not doing the right thing" said the tour guide. " Neither is anyone else" and the hunter left.

Book Reports / Lord of the Flies essay: characters, concerns and language of the novel [5]

How effective is it introducing the characters, concerns and language of the novel?
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Lord of the Flies by William Golding introduces characters, concerns and language of the novel in the beginning chapter. The reader is introduced to two boys, Ralph and Piggy who are survivors of a plane crash. Later on the boys find other survivors with the help of a conch. After they gather, Ralph who is now the leader takes Jack and Simon to explore the island. In his literary work, Lord of the Flies, by William Golding uses characters, concerns and language to underscore his central theme civilization versus savagery.

In terms of characters, Golding introduces Ralph, Piggy and Jack in the first chapter individually. Characters are used to underscore Golding's central theme civilization versus savagery. Accordingly the reader is introduce to Ralph, the main protagonist. Ralph gives the reader the impression of being a tall boy with fair hair. On the other hand, the second character to be introduced Piggy, is "shorter than the fair boy and very fat". On the contrary these opposites are introduce to the reader very early in order to show the differences within society. Lastly, the last main character to be introduced Jack is describe as "tall, thin and bony ... his face was crumpled and freckled, and ugly without silliness." By comparison Jack is the only character in the opening chapter who is close to the physical description of Ralph, and from the beginning is regarded as a leader.

With regard to Ralph, he seems to have taken control of the situation on the island by gathering survivors and also taking leadership among them. For example this is apparent in the text"Seems to me we ought to have a chief to decide things" (Golding, 18). This quotation shows the reader that Ralph has taken control of the situation on this island and this underscore the central theme because Ralph represents civilization. At the same time, Ralph is introduce to the reader powerful with the conch. For instance the survivors had a vote on who would be leader, and Ralph was chosen "while the most obvious leader was Jack". This example highlights that even though Ralph is not a leader, as long he holds on to the conch he is more powerful then Jack, as a result represents civilization and call attention to the central theme.

As for Piggy, who is unlike Ralph, he seems to be taking orders only from Ralph and is shown to the reader as Ralph's main man. Accordingly he follows and advices Ralph. For example, " we can use this to call the others. Have a meeting. They'll come when they hear us-"(Golding, 12).This quotation highlights Piggy giving advice to Ralph. It also shows that Piggy represent intelligence which is an important aspect of civilization. In a similar manner Piggy is part of civilization because he listens to his leader: Ralph, even if it is humiliating. This is apparent in the text when Ralph gives Piggy orders " ...and anyway , I'am sorry if you feel like that. Now go back , Piggy, and take names. That's your job. So long" (Golding, 22). This example shows that even though Piggy had been humiliated in front of everyone, he still takes orders and is a part of civilization because civilization or to be civilized means doing what the leader says.

With regard to Jack, he is introducing to the reader as a strong will instinct of violence, and desire for power. In the first place, his desire of power is shown when he try to vote himself as leader. This is apparent in the text "" I ought to be chief," said Jack with simple arrogance..." (Golding, 18)This example shows Jack's arrogance and desire for power, and this represents the savagery of humans because it involves the survival of the fittest. Similarly when Jack decides the name for what he will be the leader off, the reader is introduced to Jack's desire for power: "'Jack's in charge of the choir. They can be-what do you want them to be?' 'Hunters.'"(Golding, 19) This quotation highlights jacks desire for power and its relation to the central theme because hunters are recognized as savages. Likewise another way to be savage is to be the most powerful person if planning to survive which Jack is doing by being the leader of the hunters. In addition he can be also referred savage because he is the only boy carrying a knife.

In terms of elements Golding used is concern. Similarly there are some signs that all is not well on the island and foreshadows that there will be problems. For example, the reader is introduced with the scar (crash site) and Ralph walking out of the scar and confronts an odd bird. The bird in return "emits a witch like cry". This suggests savagery will take place. In addition to that Piggy even tells Ralph that they are not in a civilized place. This was apparent in the text" We were attacked" (Golding, 2). This quotation highlights that there is a bigger predator among them, and that survival is not guaranteed for those surviving the crash. This undergoes Golding's central theme because it relates that civilization won't help you survive, and you will need to be savage in order to live.

In a similar manner to concerns, Golding uses language to underscore civilization versus savagery theme. Accordingly in the opening chapter we find Ralph, Jack and Simon exploring their new environment. They feel rather excited with their new surrounding and comments on a particular bush which Ralph Simon, and Jack makes connections. This example is shown in the text

Simon spoke first 'like candles. Candle bushes. Candle buds.'..."Jack slashed at one with his knife and the scent spilled over them.'Candle buds.' 'You couldn't light them,' said Ralph. 'They just look like candles.''Green candles,' said Jack contemptuously, 'we can't eat them.Come on' (Golding, 28)

This quotation shows that Jack once again is thinking for survival as he says you "can't eat them" which shows he resembles savagery. On the other hand Ralph and Simon makes connection to their previous civilization in which candles were used, and Ralph foreshadows that he is looking for something to "light". This tells us that Ralph does resemble civilization because he wants to return back to their civilization.

At the same time they encountered the candle bush, they came upon a pig in which they tried to kill for meat. The aftermath is apparent in the text "They knew very well why he hadn't: because of the enormity of the knife descending and cutting into living flesh; because of the unbearable blood" (Golding, 29) this example highlights the boys connection to civilization, and how they failed their desire to be savage and kill the pig. This underscores Golding main theme of civilization versus savagery.

As a result, the opening chapter is effective to the reader on introducing the novel. Moreover, Lord of the Flies, by William Golding uses characters, concerns and language to underscore his central theme civilization versus savagery. Here again showing this beginning chapter was effective within the fact that it brings us some thoughts on what is going to happen, where are the adults, and how long will these boys stay civilized.

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Questions:
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