Posts by haisergeant

haisergeant

Jan 26, 2014

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2 : Advertisements are benefial to people or not ? [7]

advertisements which is also --> are
different opinion among different group of people. --> opinions, groups
while, others think --> while others think
advertisements merely causing them --> cause or force

people don't have time --> do not have time (should not use contraction)
budget airlines especially Tiger Airways --> budget airlines, especially Tiger Airways,...
use to release many good offers like "Pay for One-Way and return for free" in flight fares --> usually introduce (more appropriate here) ... on flight fares

promote such new features among people --> you should explain what are new features?
For example , nowadays --> For instance, you already used "For example" in second paragraph.
producer and consumer --> producers and consumers
smartphones gains tremendous popularity --> gain

catalyzing the business --> I think "growing" is more suitable.

I am also an IELTS test taker like you, so I cannot give you your exact band score. However, I think your band score is about 6.5 or 7, due to these mistakes.

haisergeant

Oct 2, 2013

Writing Feedback / Solving the gap between rich and poor nations requires much effort from governments - IELTS [5]

Thanks dumi and Pahan when correct my essay very much.

About the sentence:
Providing that people have enough food to eat, they will contribute to the national development.

I think I should rephrease it to:
Only when people have peace and food to eat, they will contribute their strength, skills and competency to the national development.

This sentence will connect with previous idea (war, conflict). Is that sound ok?

Thanks again everyone.

haisergeant

Oct 1, 2013

Writing Feedback / Solving the gap between rich and poor nations requires much effort from governments - IELTS [5]

Topic:
The inequality between rich and poor nations is now wider than it has ever been before. What do you think are the main causes of this difference and what do you think can be done to reduce the gap?

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It is undeniable that the distance between wealthy and unwealthy countries is wider in recent years and it does not seem to be stopped. Not only war, famine, plague but also the way of development of the countries are the reasons of this matter. In this essay, I will take a closer look at the causes and propose some solutions to shorten this gap.

There are many reasons preventing the national development. Firstly, wars, internal conflicts cause high injury and destroy farms providing food for the nation. Not having enough food to eat, people are starving and plague will occur. Somalia and Nigeria are the typical examples. Having war in many decades, those countries do not have enough fund and labour force to develop their countries from scratch. Secondly, wrong policies of nation development are also the reason putting a country back from wealthy ones. For instance, many countries invest too much fund on farming and upgrading weapons instead of education and technology which are the most important factors helping nation to catch up with others.

It is very difficult to lower the gap between wealthy and unwealthy countries, but it is not impossible. First of all, nations should end their conflicts quickly so people can put their guns down and focus on production. Providing that people have enough food to eat, they will contribute to the national development. After that, authorities should pay attention to the personal development, such as education and technology, which are the keys to boost them in the future.

In conclusion, solving the gap between rich and poor nations requires much effort from governments. Developing countries can base on the help from rich countries; however, they should be careful because most of the helps are not free.

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I hope everyone could improve my essays on IELTS test, grammar, cohesion, idea, more formal,... My first target is band 7, my second target is band 8.

Thank you very much.