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Posts by aaron_cann
Name: Aaron Cann
Joined: Oct 10, 2013
Last Post: Oct 14, 2013
Threads: 2
Posts: 2  
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From: United States of America
School: Del Campo

Displayed posts: 4
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aaron_cann   
Oct 14, 2013
Writing Feedback / Adam Smithwas was one of the key figures of the Scottish Enlightenment -KEY IDEAS [3]

Consider revising "Adam Smith was one of the key figures of the Scottish Enlightenment. He is best known for economic theories laid out in the seminal treatise The Wealth of Nations (1776)." to "Adam Smith, best known for economic theories laid out in the seminal treatise The Wealth of Nations (1776), was one of the key figures of the Scottish Enlightenment." This will vary the structure of your sentences through the addition of an appositive. Also Wealth of Nations should be underlined. Consider changing "he" or "his" to "Smith" or "Smith's" in some instances. Good luck!
aaron_cann   
Oct 14, 2013
Undergraduate / I stood at attention in front of a panel of five emotionles men-Eagle Scout,Transformation [NEW]

Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your culture, community, or family. (650 word limit)

The room was quiet, the only sound was the clock in the corner ticking second by second. I stood at attention in front of a panel of five emotionless men who arrived at a unanimous decision that would change my life forever. In one instant my identity changed from being an average high school student to being an honorably recognized member of the National Eagle Scout Association.

Throughout my life I have been involved with a multitude of extracurricular activities, including competitive sports, school clubs, and church groups. The activity that has transformed me the most and that I have become the most passionate about is my involvement with the Boy Scouts of America. I began Scouting in the first grade, and 11 years later, on December 27, 2012, I was awarded with the rank of Eagle Scout, marking the pinnacle of my Scouting career and the most prestigious achievement in my life thus-far.

When the District Advisor of the Eagle Scout Board of Review told me that they had decided that I had accomplished all requirements of the Eagle Scout rank with "flying colors," I felt a strange feeling. I wasn't relieved, surprised, or excited. It was then that I realized that the rank and title of Eagle Scout meant far less to me than the path that I took to get there.

That night I went home and as I lay in bed I remembered learning how to smooth a block of wood with sandpaper during my first attempt to make a soapbox car for the Pinewood Derby. I remembered undercooking the hamburgers that I was in charge of making for my meal group on my new scout camping trip. I reminded myself about how my patrol leader lead the entire troop through a grove of poison oak as we were learning how to identify plants and animals. I heard what the other kids at school would say, and how they would laugh when they found out that I was in Boy Scouts. These are the moments that matter to me. This is what helped me gain knowledge, patience, and maturity.

I remembered the stress of directing younger scouts during my Eagle Scout Project. I relived the restless night before pouring a cubic yard of cement, second guessing my measurements, concerned that one yard wouldn't be sufficient. I recalled instructing young scouts, just beginning their own path to Eagle, how to correctly hold a hammer so that they wouldn't bend any nails or hurt themselves. I remembered presenting the finished tool shed to the Fair Oaks Community Garden, and how they were relieved to know that they finally had a safe place to store their supplies so that they wouldn't get stolen during the night. It was this project, and times like it, which evoked every ounce of my patience, experience, and leadership capabilities, that transformed me into an Eagle Scout.

I realize now that my identity had been developed long before I stood in that quiet room in front of the panel of advisors. December 27 is the only tangible date that is able to mark the transformation I have experienced through the Boy Scouts of America. It is the date that changed my identity in the eyes of others forever. However, far more important than that one date are the experiences leading up to it. The years, the months, the days, the hours, and the minutes that I have spent Scouting are what have transformed me into the young-adult I am today. Although each individual experience on its own only offers a single lesson that I have learned, the culmination of those experiences and lessons are what define who I am today. (618 words)

If you have any advice or see any grammatical errors please comment. Your help is greatly appreciated and I will try to return the favor.
aaron_cann   
Oct 14, 2013
Undergraduate / UVA supplement: Anatomy is challenging and surprising! [8]

Consider revising "Back in fourth grade, even the fact that we have 206 bones in our body was hard to believe." to "Even back in fourth grade, the fact that we have 206 bones in our body was hard to believe." This puts more emphasis on how you were interested in Anatomy as a child and makes the sentence sound more natural.
aaron_cann   
Oct 14, 2013
Undergraduate / 'top ranked' Georgia Tech Suppl. Essay- Why are you interested in attening Georgia Tech [2]

Why are you interested in attending Georgia Tech and what do you hope to contribute to our community? (150 word limit)

Georgia Tech, ranked in the top ten public universities with its emphasis on research, technology, and innovation, will prepare me for a successful lifelong career. I would like to attend Georgia Tech because I am confident that its top ranked College of Engineering will provide me with the knowledge, experience, and skill to excel in a professional work environment.

On my path to the rank of Eagle Scout I have learned to give back through volunteer opportunities and community service. I look forward to donating my time to the Atlanta Area Council with the goal of inspiring young Scouts to push themselves inside of the classroom and out. I also look forward participating in ORGT activities and becoming involved with the Division of Student Affairs and the Georgia Tech Student Chapter of the American Society of Engineering Education. (138 words)

This is what I have so far and I have 12 words to spare. If you have any suggestions or see any grammatical errors your help would be greatly appreciated! Thank you very very much!