Unanswered [10] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by esmayli
Name: Esmayli Behnam
Joined: Oct 13, 2013
Last Post: Mar 6, 2016
Threads: 2
Posts: 5  

From: USA
School: Esmayli English

Displayed posts: 7
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esmayli   
Mar 6, 2016
Writing Feedback / Cyber bullying has always been an issue in my life [3]

These two instances of using the word "consequently" are incorrect. Nothing is a consequence of another in these sentences. Switch to other linking adverbials, e.g. Furthermore, moreover, Even more surprising is...

1. ...Consequently , 27% of these active users are ...
2. ...text message threats. Consequently , the ability to create multiple accounts

Also I felt that the word "vice" has been overly used in the first paragraph.
esmayli   
May 23, 2014
Writing Feedback / TOEFL integrated task, altruism in humans and animals [3]

It is a well-written essay, I liked it :)
Here are some comments:
Your intro par clearly introduces the topic, BUT it is not understood from this par "what exactly the passage had asserted." I guessed before reading the rest of the essay that it must have been: "Animals show altruistic behaviors." Am I write?

"As a result, we can assume that human beings are not altruistic as they may seem." Here it seems that YOU kind of agree with the lecture. So add: So, according to the lecturer, human beings are not altruistic as they may seem.

push forth?! Have u looked it up?
in actual fact; use: actually=indeed
Or to put extra emphasis: In fact, it is the members looking for food that are in a greater danger.
class confirms... confirm is not the right word choice. argues is better

without gaining something ---> without looking forward to gaining sth. / without expectation of gaining sth
esmayli   
May 23, 2014
Writing Feedback / iBT Essay: Finance sports at universities? [4]

Please stop copy-pasting pre-prepared comments on my essays, dear Dumi!
My essay clearly shows that I know the basics of argumentative essays. But this is not mathematics! The approach you're suggesting is only a suggestion, and not all essays need to fit into that.

The ingenuity of the ideas is far more noticeable here than the form or the structure.
esmayli   
May 22, 2014
Writing Feedback / iBT Essay: Finance sports at universities? [4]

I don't agree that we should give the same amount of financial support to social activities and sports at universities as we give to classes and libraries.

Nowadays sports and athleticism is highly professional activities, as are journalism, writing, business, etc. So, succeeding in them needs effort and perseverance. Not many university sports teams or individual student athletes have made their way to a considerable national achievement in sports. This is not surprising considering the high level of professionalism and expertise needed for any outstanding performance in any sports. I can cite an example from my own past. While in college, I was in our university's chess team. I followed the news of chess at the time, and read a few books on chess. I realized that for being a successful chess player, even in on a local scale, one needs to dedicate as much time on studying and practicing chess as a researcher puts into his/her science paper. Most professional chess players spend as much as 12 hours a day examining different chess games and preparing for matches (biographies of Kramnik and Kasparov). To cut a long story short, what I am saying is that one cannot expect too much from a campus student who can afford to spend only a few hours a week on his/her sports. Hence, investment on in such activities does not promise much for the universities. So, I believe that campus sports should not really receive as much financial support as a library for instance.

Also sports and social activities are individual preferences and we need not allocate too much financial support to them. Some people have a passion for journalism, some for pottery making, etc. We cannot accommodate all different activities in universities. And why should we? Universities are for pursuit of science and knowledge. If someone has chosen an academic life, this means that their main objective is other than sportsmanship* sports or craftsman. And if they do have an inclination/compulsion for to/towards them, there are other social bodies to foster that. Universities' job is not to accommodate all personal compulsions.

To sum up, although they are part of any community, I believe that it is not wise to cut the budget for libraries, classes, and other academic pursuits to finance social activities and sports in serious ways.
esmayli   
May 22, 2014
Writing Feedback / Introduction to Argumentative Essay on Homework [2]

I am an English teacher, and I bet homework IS important. It often happens that I explain a grammar and everyone seems to have understood it. We do a few follow-up examples and they do well. However, in the final exam I see awful and unexpected errors in their papers. Errors that they did not make even once in the class. I guess that unless they do an exercise on their own (eg. a piece of homework), they do not really get involved in the subject, and we cannot be sure if they've really learned it.

Homework is also sometimes the teaching itself, not supplementary, or secondary to it. For example, how is one going to teach a class writing if they are not asked to write something? :)

However, I do agree that the term "homework" has developed notorious connotations for students. But we can improve things a bit. For example, by publishing the students' works in a newsletter, or introducing them to competitive and cooperative group activities. I have benefited from these strategies a lot in my classes. You must try them as a teacher and see the passion and enthusiasm in your students' face when they see their essays typed and printed! Mundane as it is to us, it is a big big present for them! :))

Good luck
esmayli   
Mar 24, 2014
Writing Feedback / Politicians are the most important people on earth! -- They have the final say [4]

Before you move on to the next sentence, please, first think of an important person on earth, dead or alive. There is a good chance that you have thought of a scientist (Albert Einstein, Edison, etc.), a musician (Jackson, Lady Gaga, Lopez, etc.), a soccer player (Maradona, Zidane, etc.) or a cinema personality (Hitchcock, Tom Cruise, etc.) These are all, no doubt, good candidates, however, I think that the people who have the real power and are capable of controlling the world are politicians.

Science is of course very important, behind all the technology and our understanding of the world. But again, I would maintain that science people are not as influential as politicians. Imagine a scientist has invented something new. Will it come to the public if some politicians disagree with the new product or idea? It was Einstein who discovered the nuclear power, but it was the politicians in the White House who decided to bomb Hiroshima. Even nowadays, in universities around the world, those projects receive the highest budgets that are backed by politics - the nuclear research in Iran in the past few years; space exploration with its astronomical expenses during the cold war; to mention only few.

Decisions about public health, insurance, a country's energy policies, its trade with other nations, wars, all and all are filtered through politics, and need the politicians' approval to see the light of day.

In sum, politicians can change the world by making important decisions about people's lives and the future of the globe. No matter how much scientists warn about global warming, a real and effective action is taken only if they succeed in persuading the politicians. They have the final say on that in a G8 or so summit: "we are going to cut down carbon emission by 16% by 2020...or not!"
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