Undergraduate / People grow through experience if they meet life honestly and courageously; UF essay [3]

can anyone please help me look at this essay for UF, really\y appropriated!!!!!!!!

Topic:In the space provided, please write a concise narrative in which you describe a meaningful event, experience or accomplishment in your life and how it will affect your college experience or your contribution to the UF campus community. You may want to reflect on your ideas about student responsibility, academic integrity, campus citizenship or a call to service. Remember to keep within the 500-word maximum length.

"People grow through experience if they meet life honestly and courageously. This is how character is built"-Eleanor Roosevelt, this quote is always come to my mind when I encounter new experiences and challenges, and never fail help me go through it. I have been experience countless things in my life so far, some are not even worth mentioning, but some can literally change my life, which is happened two and a half years ago when my parents decided to moved to America from China, the transition is tremendous, from the other side of the earth and non-English speaking country come here start a new life. Even thought I have to literally learn everything new from the very beginning, English is my biggest obstacle to experience the new life at that time, unlike other foreign students need pass English test like TOEFL, and come here with the ability of at least basically communication, but all I knew about English at that time is ABC from China middle school, which at least helped me found the class room locations. The struggles of learn new languages and use that language learn new knowledge at the same time is indescribable. Even though that, my dream of pursuing career at medical field always keeps me working hard. Only I know how much time and energy I spent on extra work and learning English, and at the same time, I still keep good grades, take advanced classes, play at varsity soccer team, actively involved in school events and clubs. This experiences maybe torture and difficult, but it did not make me flinch, but on the opposite, it boosted my confident and leaderships. I believe practice make perfect, so I push my self to read in front of class when half of word I don't understand on the article and talk with people when I don't know what they saying, so now I can make speech without any hesitation and people won't notice unless I tell them I from China, I still remember how happy and pleased I am when I passed FCAT reading with 4 out of 5, hard work paid off. Maybe I am still experiencing this huge transition, but the result I gained from the experience would be a big help in my college life, where the place you need hard work and confident to show how good you really are.

Undergraduate / Learning appeals most to me; FSU/ leadership, learning, service, and global awareness [2]

Topic: Florida State University is more than just a world-class academic institution preparing you for a future career. We are a caring community of well-rounded individuals who embrace leadership, learning, service, and global awareness. With this in mind, which of these characteristics appeals most to you, and why?

Here is my essay: Leadership, learning, service and global awareness are the common factors that to be a well-rounded and successful person, but in my opinion, learning appeals most me. I don't have a stunning appearance on the outside, however, my inner aspect is quite unique. I came from china, a mysterious country on the other side of the earth. I have to say, fall in love with this beautiful country are destined in my life. Times flies, two years after the first time step on the lovely ground of the United States of America, now recall all the things happened in past two years, I am very satisfied what I have done. Two years may be just a couple seasons of some popular TV shows, the transition between sequel and famous previous movies, but for me, this two years had changed my life because of learning, I learned what really learning is. As a full-time high school student, my main duty is school, but is that all learning about? Definitely not, if learning from school give you knowledges, then learning in life is about experience, activities, challenges and pretty much everything you can think of. When I just came to USA, everything has changed: new school, new language, new home, new culture, it's basically just a completely new world. As a new immigrant and student, language obvious is the number thing that obstacle on my way of education, you can imagine how hard is trying to finish a reading assignment without understand the most words in the article. So the only option for me at that time is to learn, in order to carry out my goal. I am not Einstein, I just like anyone else on this planet, so in this situation, I need spend double or even treble time to finish same works of anyone else, and not even that, I challenge myself with some harder course like honors and AP, the result of my effort is obvious, pass the FCAT with 4 out of 5 is I can never Imagined. What I learned and efforts, are no one can take away, learning can't be measured, but the result is obvious, learning let me explore the deepest of human potential; learning made me grow faster, get ready for the future challenges. I will never stop learning in my life, hope Florida State University will be the path of my future education .

Can i have get any opinion or help from you guys? thanks very much