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Posts by chondamma4
Name: Chaitanya Thammaya
Joined: Oct 14, 2013
Last Post: Nov 12, 2013
Threads: 2
Posts: 6  
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From: India

Displayed posts: 8
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chondamma4   
Oct 16, 2013
Undergraduate / American culture; Describe a setting in which you have collaborated/interacted with people [5]

I will be honest to write an essay about my experience. Since I was little, there was always a fear within me trying to keep myself from going against my constant truth. Especially whenever someone decides to talk about religion. It's the topic that I wished to skirt altogether.

I will be honest and write an essay based on my experience. Since I was little, I had an innate fear which kept me from going against my constant truth. Especially whenever someone decides to talk about religion. It's a topic that I wished to skirt altogether.

I was ten years old by the time when my uncle decides to take me to a Christianity church every single week. Despite I am a Buddhist worshiper, he insists on forcing me to go as if he tried to convert my religion and assimilate myself into the new cultures. Our family just came to the United States and without prior experience in this country, we end up depend on my uncle as a guideline and a helper whenever needed. This gave me a sense of detachment from similar cultures which I can not find.

I was ten years old when my uncle took me to a Church for the first time. Despite the fact that we were Buddhists, he forced me to accompany him, as if he were trying to convert my religion and assimilate me into a new culture.

Every Sunday, we drove to church. It was just me and my uncle in the car.

Every Sunday my uncle would drive me to church.

Evidently, he would described the principles in the Bible to me with a style of pausing and, eye contact and with a tone of voice never boring but drawing you with a wanting more draw along with hand gestures to claim his points. However, his persuasion approach can not distracts my thoughts from preventing to convert into a new religion.

He would explain the Bible to me with dramatic flair, using hand gestures to drive his point home. However, his persuasive approach did not succeed in converting me to a new religion.

As we arrived at the church, the front building was absolutely beautiful and marvelous for such a sacred place and yet I entered the building with an anxiety in an environment full of religious people with whom I do not share their belief. During the service, everybody sat quietly listen to the Bible. While I am astonished on the meaning of the Bible. Their principles have appeal to me in a way that I think it is pertain to live life meaningful, how it perceived people to live happily with simple words.

When we arrived at the church, though I was impressed by the beauty I was still anxious to enter an environment full of religious people whose beliefs were different from mine. During the service, everyone listened to the Preacher reading from the Bible.

The next two sentences are confusing, I cannot understand what you want to convey here. You might want to rephrase this, and keep the sentences simpler.

As I grow up, my thoughts become more mature to understand about the American cultures. I turned my fears into a valuable lesson which it taught me to respect and appreciate other's backgrounds despite our cultural and religious differences. Religion taught people how to live with morals base on their principles. From this standpoint, my experience becomes more profound and gave me a chance to understand better about others and perhaps the most important factor in personal development to acquired the knowledge to how accept culture and traditions of foreign societies.

As I grew up,my thoughts become more mature to understand about American culture. I turned my fears into a valuable lesson which taught me to respect and appreciate other's backgrounds despite our cultural and religious differences. Religion taught people how to live with morals based on principles. From this standpoint, my experience becomes more profound and gave me a chance to understand better about others. And perhaps was the most important factor in personal development to acquire the knowledge to accept the culture and traditions of foreign societies.

I feel you just need to correct the grammar in the first essay. It explains your essay a lot better.
Hope this helps. Do let me know if you need anything else.
chondamma4   
Oct 15, 2013
Undergraduate / My ambitions were high: COMMON APP / Recount an incident or time when you experienced [2]

With the scores I had, I could not get into the universities or colleges I wanted to get into at first.

With the scores I had, I could not get into the universities or colleges I wanted to get into at first .

Instead of going about things the usual way, finishing it quickly and tying it with a bow tie

(You wear bow ties on your neck)
Instead of going about things the usual way, finishing it quickly and tying it with a bow tie up with a bow.

I looked at each problem, I started with the basics of each problem, I worked towards the top

I looked at each problem, started with the basics of each problem and worked towards the top

I saw that if you fail at something or make a mistake does not mean you are inherently bad at it,

I saw that if you fail at something or make a mistake it does not mean you are inherently bad at it,

But otherwise a very good essay. Hope this helps.
chondamma4   
Oct 15, 2013
Undergraduate / What motivated you to apply to TFI and why is it important to you that you are accepted [3]

Ever since I was a child, it has been drilled into me that duty to your nation comes first. I have been told, and have understood that there is a vast difference between wanting to do something and actually doing it. When I first heard about 'Teach for India', I was an idealistic 21 year old who was bent on making a place for me in this world. This included getting a job first, making money, earning a good reputation and then later on in life, do something that that others could benefit from. Yes, like all among our age group, I too wanted to make a change but didn't know where to start. So like all others, I got a job and told myself I could the change the world later. I decided I could always make time for 'Teach for India' later. And for two years I gave my job everything that I could give.

In 2011, I quit my job as a senior process associate; because I felt I just wasn't doing anything that another person could learn from. I felt like a robot going through the motions, every day I sit in front of a computer and type up reports for somebody from another country who didn't want to do that particular job and passed it on to a cheap service provider. It went from being something that I loved to a monotonous and meaningless job which gave me no satisfaction. I was no longer enamored with the lure of making money and thoroughly disillusioned with the corporate world. I realized I couldn't deal with the 'rat race' and took a break to rediscover myself. A year later I found inspiration in an advertisement for 'Teach for India' which said "Every child deserves an excellent education". I read about the fellowship and the story of a fellow and knew that, here is a chance to give back to the nation which has given me so much. I was lucky to receive a good education, both at school and at home. Our country has so many children that may not be as lucky and privy to the same kind of education. This strengthened my resolve to join 'Teach for India' and help little children mould themselves to become good members of society. I would like to inspire and motivate them to bring out the best in each child. Yes, the road to end educational inequity is long, but I would like to be a part of something that struggles to eradicate educational inequity. After all, today's youth are tomorrow's leaders.

Thanks for reading.

Please help me with grammar, punctuation and any correction if necessary. It's urgent! It has be 400 words.
chondamma4   
Oct 15, 2013
Undergraduate / Eric Thomas. Circumstance, obstacle or conflict in your life, skills and resources. [3]

The feeling of disappointment and upset cannot describe how frustrated I was after seeing all my core-classes grades plummeted during the first semester of my junior year because my parents proposed and wanted to divorce. My rank dropped out of top ten percent.

I cannot describe how disappointed and frustrated I was as my core-classes grades plummeted in the first semester of my junior year because my parents proposed and wanted to wanted a divorce.

However, my thoughts were changed after I listened to Eric Thomas since the day I walked into AVID class to watch a video about motivation.

The abbreviation AVID should be expanded. My thoughts changed the day I walked into an AVID class and watched a video about motivation by Eric Thomas.

His energy and passion channeled my mind to think positively and to revitalize a new life. I was serious! At that moment, I felt that there was still potential in myself and wasted away by not working hard to overcome hardships not only in school but also in daily life. His speech helps me grow internally and definitely a key to my success. it was a pleasure to hear his wisdom and somehow his words struck my mind succinctly. It gives me some hope and for that reason, I was able to stand up with dignity and advance forward for a better life.

His energy and passion channeled my mind to think positively and to revitalize my life. I was serious! At that moment, I felt that there was still potential in me and I had wasted away by not working hard to overcome hardships, not only in school but also in daily life. His speech helps me grow internally and is definitely a key to my success. it was a pleasure to hear his wisdom and somehow his words struck my mind succinctly. It gives me some hope and for that reason, I was able to stand up with dignity and advance towards a better life.

For the rest of my junior year, I strived to work diligently without any excuses and by the end of the year my grades were improved by several points with some A's and fewer B's. I was also passing AP Physics and Chemistry exams.

For the rest of my junior year, I strived to work diligently without any excuses. And by the end of the year my grades improved by several points, with some A's and fewer B's. I also passed AP Physics and Chemistry exams.

I attribute for my success to his words and how his positive impact on my life as well as on others. He has made me keep pushing forward during tough times even when my mind would tell me to surrender. I gained more courage to face struggles. For the most part, Eric Thomas taught me to appreciate how life can be challenging at times, how life can knock you down, but also to remember that failure is the mother of success to keep me encouraged and to strengthen my will to be able to face difficulties.

I attribute my success to his words and the positive impact it had on my life as well as on others. His words made me push forward during tough times even when my mind would tell me to surrender. I gained more courage to face struggles. For the most part, Eric Thomas taught me to appreciate how life can be challenging at times and can knock you down, but also to remember that failure is the mother of success. This encourages me to strengthen my will to face difficulties and overcome them.

I hope this helps.
chondamma4   
Oct 15, 2013
Graduate / Perfection is a state in life; SOP/ MSC subsea engineering. [5]

1) To seek a career as a subsea engineer in Nigeria, with proven oil and gas reserves estimated at 37 billion barrels and 185 trillion cubic feet respectively .but with very few indigenous qualified Subsea engineers, resulting in the over dependence on expatriates.

1) To seek a career as a subsea engineer in Nigeria, with proven oil and gas reserves estimated at 37 billion barrels and 185 trillion cubic feet respectively,

but with very few indigenous qualified Subsea engineers, resulting in over dependence on expatriates.

I also have internship experience as a technical support engineer at Oando plc a Nigerian oil and gas firm listed in both the Canadian and South-African stock exchange

I also have interned as a technical support engineer at Oando plc, a Nigerian oil and gas firm listed in both the Canadian and South-African stock exchange.
chondamma4   
Oct 14, 2013
Scholarship / Help with Essay on a substantial commitment made, challenges faced and the outcome. [4]

Hi,
Please find below the essay I have written for a scholarship. Please proof read it for me and let me know if I have to make any corrections based on grammar, language and punctuation. The essay has to be at least 450 words. This is urgent. Please help.

During the time that I worked as a Senior Process Associate in Indirect Procurement between 2010 -11, I met several people who had great knowledge when it came to the subject matter that we were working on, but couldn't communicate well because their grasp on the English language was not good. Since they always worked under time constraints, the recruiters always looked for knowledge rather than great communication skills. The client we worked for demanded that all the employees be very fluent in written and verbal skills. Hence there were a lot of escalations against these people for their work. To reduce the amount of escalations, the team manager decided to employ a communications expert to help the team members.

The responsibilities of the communications expert were to help the employees improve their written and verbal skills as well as grade the employees based on their level of communication level. After appraising their language skills, the employees were divided into groups based on their performance and grades. Since the Communications expert had to concentrate all her efforts on the worst performers, the rest of the employees with better language skills had to lead a group of 10-12 members of low performers and help them in improving their skills.

Since I had a good score, I volunteered to lead one group. Our group consisted of a few of my seniors and my peers. The challenging part of leading your seniors, who have a lot more experience, not just in years but also are experts on the subject, is in correcting them in a way so as not to offend them. The group's contracts and e-mails had to be proof read and any conversation with the clients had to be monitored. Since most of our work included contractual work, extra care had to be taken so as not to distort the meaning which would mean an invalid contract and another escalation. Most of them had a problem with the language because of 'Mother Tongue Influence' (MTI as we called it). To get rid of MTI is not an easy task, but the members of our group were an enthusiastic bunch. Every day we held mock negotiation calls to help improve their fluency and confidence. They wrote essays and practiced reading from an English newspaper to help with their writing skills and pronunciation. Our spare time was all spent in helping them better themselves and the rest of the time when we worked on our contracts. The communications expert and I would have regular meetings on their progress. Tests and debates were conducted regularly, so that we could assess the progress the group members were making.

The group who were so cautious around each other initially did so well that all of them cleared the appraisal. A few of them still sent me e-mails and contracts to proof read and had me monitor their phone calls so that I could give them pointers to correct themselves. A few colleagues even sent me e-mails to proof read after I quit working. And in all this it just wasn't them who bettered themselves, I learnt a lot about contractual procedure and legalities from the group, which helped me provide better service to the clients I was responsible for.
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