Posts by Rumpumpum

Rumpumpum

Nov 17, 2013

Undergraduate / I feel that my modesty makes me approachable to everybody [9]

~~I often get from people around..~~Don't lie

I'm just going to be upfront about this, don't lie on your essays. It's glaringly obvious you didn't get a 2400, your grammar is not very good. You sound like someone whose english is good enough to hold a decent conservation but not the fluency to ace SAT writing and critical reading sections.

Rumpumpum

Nov 17, 2013

Undergraduate / I feel that my modesty makes me approachable to everybody [9]

Yes, I do see that happening though unintentionally, now that im at exact 250 words and the essay demands tangible examples. So what would you suggest?

get rid of the sat story and use the word count for why your modesty led your team to success

The modesty also helps me maintain a harmonious coexistence with my less achieving peers and teammates.. DELETE DELETE DELETE, this doesn't look good on you, especially when you say you aren't arrogant later on. You just dissed your team mates by saying you're better than them and it comes off as really arrogant, cocky, and disrespecting.
When I led my school team to victory in the regional and national science exhibitions two years back, my pride as a team but modesty as an individual made us looked upon with appreciation and not envy.Another section to delete and not ever mention. This is just pure gloating. Focus on how your modesty help bring success to the team and why the team was successful

Rumpumpum

Oct 21, 2013

Undergraduate / Music - WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY? - Tufts Supplement [4]

Don't turn the whole thing into past tense. Only turn the statements that you've done once and won't do again past tense. Dont change the tense if you know you'll do it more like this:

On those days when I'm getting ready to travel, even if it is only a few hours to New York City, Ed Sheeran and Taylor Swift's songs get me excited, and remind me that the simple joys of driving with the windows down need to be cherished

Also organize the examples by the tenses, so start with the past tense statements and when you're done go to the tense you do have.

Mentioning headphones doesn't add anything to your essay and it also sounds a little awkward as well
Changing a to one adds more emphasis to statement.
For formal english, only use conjunctions (and/or/but/yet/etc) to attach two sentences/clauses together.