Undergraduate / 'creativity and alacrity in me' - INTRODUCTORY LINE OF A PERFECT SOP [4]

Hi dumi,

Thanks for getting back.
Actually I am applying for an MSIS / MSIT (Master of science in Information Technology / Information Science & Management) course. I've learnt from a lot of websites that the introduction of an SOP must be interesting to grasp the attention of the reader(In my case, the admissions officer). An orthodox or traditional way of introduction would be very commonplace and boring and might make my Application end up in the pile of rejects.

Hence, I've decided to start my SOP with an eye catching fact about the university , or by stating something about myself which stands out from other applications(like creativity). Please help me decide what all could be done to write a winning introductory paragraph. Any ideas and feedback will be appreciated.

Regards,
Nikky

Writing Feedback / GRE Practice Essay - Governments should limit the amount of restriction, if any, on scient [2]

Hi Chloespaha,

I've written GRE recently and scored a 4 in AWA. I know its not a great score but I have a few points worth mentioning.

Firstly, the writing style and the content of your essay is pretty good. I can guarantee it will fetch you a minimum of 4 in AWA.

Quick Tips:
->Never write the body in one paragraph. Dedicate a separate para for each example of your body.You can make as many as 4-5 para's in your body.That will make your body look layered and easy to read.

->Your last para in the body must compulsorily talk "for" the topic. I.e if you wrote the essay against the topic ,then the last para must bolster the prompt. This will make your essay not sound monotonous.

->The length of the conclusion must be a little longer and must clearly express the gist of what you have written.

Finally, there are a few glitches which are minor grammatical errors like:
1) its not "prove efficacy"...prove its efficacy.
2)Because of the nature of projects like cloning, new, untested medicines, and biological weapons development, governments should not limit the amount of restrictions placed on scientific research

The above line can be rephrased better as: Because of the nature....and development of biological weapons, governments tend to impose higher levels of restrictions on them which should be abrogated.

3)The current government restrictions on cloning...current government's restrictions
4)Many diseases that we cannot yet cure...Many diseases that do not yet have a cure

Regards,
Nikky