Undergraduate /
UC Personal Statement: Struggles as a first generation learner [5]
Tremblings shoulders and unclear thoughts passing my head. Walking straight up the stairs facing down and onto the stage. Not hearing clearly to the introduction and appreciations for parents coming to the fifth grade spelling bee. Unlucky as I was my name was called and I stood up not being able to swallow my saliva, I felt my face and hands get hot and sweaty. Slowly walking to the microphone. I tooked a deep breathe and cleared my mind, stood up straight. The word was "Mississippi" "oh that word" I said out loud without even thinking, that was the word my mother had made fun of because somehow it reminded her of a snake that she had confronted in Mexico. Rushing through my mind , I heard my mother words telling me "tranquila" to relax. The line of students shortening, the finals were close and all I can think about what how excited I had gotten to spell, feeling the sounds of ever letter sliding through my tongue and through my teeth like a snake. . Although I did not win the first golden trophy that would have been placed on the empty space above the television. I am the first American born child in my Hispanic family to finish middle school, speaking fluent English.
I edited your first paragraph for any grammar errors and made the sentences clearer. Check the some of the notes in parenthesis. The highlighted sentences/words in red were things that I did not understand. I briefly read your last paragraph and you should expand on what you've learned and how you've matured as a first generation student to emphasize the struggles that you have overcome.
My shoulders trembled and unclear thoughts passed my head. I walked straight up onto the stage with my face facing down. (???) Unlucky as I was, my name was called and I stood up, not being able to swallow my saliva. I felt my face and hands getting hot and sweaty. Slowly walking to the microphone, I took a deep breath and cleared my mind. The word was "Mississippi." "Oh that word," I said out loud without even thinking. This was the word that my mother had made fun of because somehow it reminded her of a snake that she encountered in Mexico. In my mind, I heard my mother shouting "tranquila." (I don't understand the last part of the paragraph.)
