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Posts by asomegirl
Name: Kyung Eun. Kim
Joined: Nov 27, 2013
Last Post: Jan 31, 2014
Threads: 3
Posts: 7  
From: Korea, Republic of
School: Seoul Global High School

Displayed posts: 10
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asomegirl   
Jan 31, 2014
Undergraduate / Gettysburg College Supplemental Essay, Describe a situation 'Make a Difference' [3]

Thanks for everyone who reads my essay!!!
Any comments will be appreciated!!! Good luck!!!

1. Gettysburg College students are engaged learners and "make a difference" both on and off campus through their academic and extracurricular activities. Describe a situation in which you have made a difference in your school or community and what you learned from that experience.

For most time of my lifetime, I thought delivering appealing speech for help in front of the audience under high-sounding slogan is the right way to support people in need.

In my freshman year of high school, I started to teach the Korean language to a Vietnamese woman named Leu Ti-en who was raising a 4-year old girl. Her family and she were living in poor surroundings; one should walk an unpaved road for twenty minutes from the station and there were only two small rooms in her house. On the day of our first meeting, I asked her the reason why she needs a Korean language certification. Her answer was concise but thought-provoking. "I am a cleaning woman. No one knows when I will be fired. The scope of job opportunities that I have now is very limited. I believe that certification will make my life less insecure." She could legitimately have full-time job in this country but her origin and lack of linguistic ability were confining her to an unstable life. I was eager to help her with learning Korean.

However, teaching someone like her was not easy. During the lesson, we occasionally stopped what we were doing and I waited her until she finished her work. She took her daughter, Hyun from the kindergarten, gave the child a snack and did the housework. Whenever the kindergarten took the day off, the lesson was over. Hyun constantly whined and fussed around, interrupting Leu as she tried to write something. Although Leu had outstanding passion and aspiration for her language achievement, she could not seem to make any progress because of her circumstances. There was nothing I could do about the problem. I felt like our venture might end with nothing achieved.

One day, only Hyun and I were left in the house while Leu went to the supermarket. Hyun seemed bored so I played a word game with her. I pointed to some words and told her to speak but it was as though a cat had got her tongue. I tried several times, but she kept saying nothing, shaking her head from side to side. When Leu came back home, I asked her why Hyun choose not to speak. She said Hyun is behind her peers in speaking Korean because Hyun hears her mother speaking Korean all the time. Her father, who is native Korean speaker, was so swamped with work that he could not help his child with learning the language. Since she was born and living in Korea, I naturally expected Hyun could speak Korean well like other 4-year old kids. What more upset me was that she could not even form close friendships because of her lack of language. I realized how serious and urgent the situation was and considered how to resolve the problem.

I made a curriculum for Hyun and collected used story books from my classmates. I also looked out for a volunteer who could teach Hyun Korean with me. I called a senior in my school, Seul Ki who was interested in child education and told her the matter. Fortunately, she was willing to help Leu and Hyun. While I was having lessons with Leu, Seul Ki taught basic Korean words to Hyun. Without her daughter's disturbance, Leu could proceed with her learning smoothly and Hyun improved with her pronunciation and reading. At the end of the year, Leu passed the exam and found her new job at support center for multicultural families with the help of our acquaintanceship.

A year with Leu's family taught me a lesson that I would never have learned if I kept myself as a bystander. I realized that buzzing loudly to seek the help does not actually change a critical situation that the minorities are struggling with. Making a difference of others' lives in a better way, whether it is big or small, requires sincere dedication and involvement. Now, when I watch TV or read newspapers, I try to focus more on people who are far from the spotlight, who see, listen and empathize with difficulties of disadvantaged people at first hand, and who I want to be in the future.
asomegirl   
Jan 31, 2014
Undergraduate / My only task was to get good grades; UW Madison [6]

More than half of your essay focuses on your regretful high school life, which I think would not give the best impression to admission officers.

Read the prompt again -> Tell us why you decided to apply to the University of Wisconsin-Madison. In addition, share with us the
academic, extracurricular, or research opportunities you would take advantages of as student.
You should mention your interest in UW and academic/extracurricular opportunities it offers. My suggestion is go to the website, search what kinds of programs the college provides and think how you can perform in the college :) Good luck!
asomegirl   
Jan 30, 2014
Undergraduate / Cornell College (Mount Vernon, IA) Supplemental essays (why apply & passion) [6]

1. What influenced you to apply to Cornell College, and why do you believe it might be a good college choice for you? (100 max)
I have always followed this old Korean saying, 'You can see only as much as you know.' Under a traditional Asian mindset for 18 years, I had a desire to be exposed to a distinctive educational background. Then I found Cornell College's uniqueness in its block plan. During a three-and-a-half week term, I can taste and enjoy one subject in diverse ways including off-campus study. After spending four years at Cornell, I would discover myself as a person who has a great potential to success in her UN career and appreciate the society in a big picture.

2. Cornell's distinctive One Course At A Time (OCAAT) calendar enables students to pursue their passions in extraordinary ways, in the classroom, on campus, and around the world. Briefly describe your passion (s) for learning, exploration, or involvement. (250 max)

Every breakfast, I randomly stare at a world map that has been hanging on the wall next to the dining table since I was ten. From the map, I learned where the Galapagos Islands is located and wondered why the borderlines of Africa are so straight. The map stimulated my curiosity as well as my imagination of the world outside my country. My passion for learning International Relations naturally began.

After the experience of teaching Korean to immigrated Vietnamese woman, I narrowed down my interest to poverty and human development of developing countries. During the volunteering work, I realized that immigrants' human rights are infringed upon world widely in their adopted land. I was inspired to dedicate myself to solving fundamental problems that people in developing countries are facing in and out of their homelands such as unemployment, lack of education and care of their children.

The initial step to my goal would start in Cornell's international off campus program. Through 'Botswana: Development in South Africa' program offered by ACM, I would implement research project and work at Action for Economic Empowerment Trust (AEET). A semester in one of only a handful of countries that makes success with its abundant mineral resources and has a leading role in South Africa will certainly broaden my perspectives on economic, political and social development of the Third World. Next Spring, I will be having the most passionate and adventurous five months of my life, crisscrossing Botswana and Mount Vernon.

* The deadline is Feb. 1st. So I'd be appreciated if you can look over this essay before then :) Good luck to everyone!!!
asomegirl   
Jan 30, 2014
Undergraduate / Reasons/ Interest in Eng/ Brave New World; Waterloo Aif [2]

Overall, your essays look organized and clear.
Your first two essays were impressive and showed who you are very well.
However, personally I think you misunderstood the basic idea that Huxely wanted to say.
Rather than promoting restriction of individuality, the author wanted to criticize the loss of distinctive features of people in modern world.
And if you do not mind, maybe you can cut summary of the book off. I think you need to add your analysis more so you can show your profound understandings regarding the book. Please remind that I say this only by way of suggestion! Good luck :)
asomegirl   
Jan 30, 2014
Writing Feedback / TOEFL: a study with regular exercises generates dual thinking [3]

1. I have heard it many times that 'Health is Wealth'.
2. So I would preferit is my opinion that physical exercise should be a required part of every school day.
3. Physical exercise will take their mind awayrelieve students' stress from studies for a moment.
4. Besides exercising regularly will make students healthy.
5. Students who both study and exercise regularly will be able to do dual thinking.
6. After considering these many advantages that physical exercise has, I think physical exercise should be a required part of every school day.

As a student who took TOEFL several times, I think it will much clearer if you put 'First..., Second...,' after each main argument.
I say this only by way of suggestion so please remind my comments are not perfect way to write!
Good luck :)
asomegirl   
Nov 27, 2013
Undergraduate / Me and my father; His hardened bark was slowly peeling off. [3]

Prompt: Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your culture, community, or family

He flew into a rage, yelling at me. I sobbed, covering my mouth with a pillow to keep the sound from escaping. All this was sparked by not finding a cell phone battery charger.

Ever since I can remember, there was a massive block between my father and me. I always thought he was difficult and stubborn, and we used to fight over the most trivial things. After every fight, I felt I was the only one who was hurt. I would compare him to my friends' fathers who were friendly and warm to their children.

When I was thirteen, my grandfather had a stroke. Although I could sense my father's hidden sorrow, I tried not to let it affect me. One day, after returning from school, I saw him sitting motionless on the couch in the living room, like the wall clock in my grandfather's warehouse that long ago had stopped its chimes. He was hospitalized for depression. Wearing a pallid, blue patient gown and with his hair disheveled, he kept saying "sorry" without looking me in the eye. Rather than feeling compassion, I blamed him for not being a normal father like everyone else seemed to have.

After he left, I initially felt nothing; on the contrary, everything seemed easier. I could arrange the dishes however I wanted and did not have to quarrel over what TV programs to watch. On the way home from visiting my father, my mom told me his parents always wanted him to be an eminent professor. They were ashamed of him when he passed the civil service exam instead. For fifty years, he was coating himself with a rigid bark to prevent anyone from coming into his heart and to protect against being wounded again. In him, I could see a reflection of my ten-year-old self whose heart had been bruised. For the first time in my life, I felt a bond of sympathy was forming between him and me.

Everyone has their own history of hardships. No matter how mature people are difficult times leave an indelible mark inside. Thus, people cover themselves to hide and protect their own wounds. At first, one's manner might be harsh and abrasive, but now I know people's behaviors do not convey their real selves. People's behaviors are created in order to conceal fault and trauma that were formed over the course of a lifetime. I listen carefully to hear inside the shells people have become encased in, where the most sincere words can be found. Those words enable me to see people more clearly and to embrace them warmly. On the way toward reaching maturity, the insight I gained through the relationship with my father has helped me to become a considerate and observant person in the larger society.

After finishing his treatment, my father came home to rest. From that day onward, I started to talk to him, looking into his eyes, about my day. He just listened, giving a slight nod. The night before he returned to work, I hugged him with all my heart. "Everything will be alright," I told him. Although he did not say a word, I could hear his heart saying "thank you." His hardened bark was slowly peeling off.
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