Posts by kylelanning

kylelanning

May 30, 2009

Essays / Creationism vs. Evolution Debate [25]

Though there are many points to be made on both ends of the spectrum, it is my assumption that either of you guys will never, ever fold to the "other side". All I am reading is practically an internet landfill of stuborness and redundancy.

I will add, though, that it is quite amusing- so by all means carry on.

kylelanning

May 28, 2009

Writing Feedback / Persuasive essay (Lithium based batteries>Nickel based batteries) [33]

Thanks for the support guys, i really appreciate it.

kylelanning

May 27, 2009

Writing Feedback / Persuasive essay (Lithium based batteries>Nickel based batteries) [33]

Hello guys!

Just another update for you all.

I received my paper back again today, and i was reimbursed 32 points for the sources i provided! My grade went from a 140.6, to a 172.6 of 200! Haha, i think this is the first time i've ever been excited for a "B"!

I have to say that i can't thank you guys enough... I know that i would for sure still be struggleing with my essay. There are only two days of school left, and i am happy that i get a break from english for a summer, however, i will be writing a couple essays this summer for AP english lang/comp next year, so expect me back soon! ;P

Later (for now)

-Kyle Lanning

kylelanning

May 20, 2009

Writing Feedback / Persuasive essay (Lithium based batteries>Nickel based batteries) [33]

Well, when i mentioned Friday, i meant last Friday. I received my grade for it yesterday and got a 70% even on it... Again, extraordinarily disappointing, considering that 30 points (of the 200) where counted off because she (my english teacher) ceases to believe that my un-documented information is that of my own. Very frustrating indeed, so all of today has been spent printing, labeling, and highlighting all of my references used, and i am going to see if she can't submit it towards a plagiarism detecting search-engine.

On another note, i really enjoy math. I also enjoy that with math, generally, either you are correct, or incorrect. Very little interpretation is required for "grading". It feels as if my teacher set a blind eye towards the content of my essay and deduced what ever she "felt" was neccesary. Maybe its just me (and it probably is... The criminal rarely claims responsibility for the crime i guess.), but i see very little difference between my paper, and another kids 199/200 score "anti-walmart" paper. You are absolutely correct in the sense that i wanted to write about something that i knew alot about. I figured this would be easier than to be infiltrated with the feat of composing a decent essay on a topic that i know very little about. I hope to re-gain the points back (which will set me at a 85%) for the proof that my essay was in fact my own words.

Also, math comes easier to me then any sort of writing does. I assume that i like it, simply because i am good at it. there is much less of a learning curve when i must learn a concept within a math or science course... English class, not so much. I'm not saying that i'll give up because it is hard, no, its just that its harder to get motivated to fully grasp a topic.

Also, i personally have no idea how i would go about writing a persuasive paper on something that isn't just based on measurement. When you are dealing with "if:then" statements that only show probable consequences provided with certain measures that can be taken, how is one to be persuaded by anything but opinion and propaganda?

kylelanning

May 13, 2009

Writing Feedback / Persuasive essay (Lithium based batteries>Nickel based batteries) [33]

Hey guys, just an update. I turned the paper in on the first, and received a 72 percent on it. I was dissapointed to say in the least, and the full paper is due Friday. My teacher wrote very little notes saying on what i should improve, so i am fairly lost. I will be going to go into her tommarrow to see if she can't offer any advice to aid my grade on assignments, but untill then i was wondering if you guys had any links or any information that i could use to perhaps strengthen my essay. I feel bad for just asking and asking, as i'd rather go about research to learn instead of getting the information handed to me.

On another note, She did not note at all at the technicality of the paragraphs, which makes me wonder what she wants from me. Usually, if she has an issue with what i'd write, she'd say it, which confuses me even more.

So if anybody has any good resources that they can point me to that could aid me in the process that would be fantastic and i would greatly appreciate it.

Thanks guys

-Kyle

kylelanning

May 2, 2009

Writing Feedback / Persuasive essay (Lithium based batteries>Nickel based batteries) [33]

lol

Yeah, i'm from Colorado and i am a sophomore at berthoud high school (~700 students and staff combined). I just saw in your profile that you went to "grandview" and i know that there is a grandview high school in the denver area, hence i asked the question. ;)

kylelanning

May 2, 2009

Research Papers / Essay on No drinking on the beach in San Diego [11]

You may be able to expand on the economic downfall of the companies within the area. If alcoholic drinks are a primary source of income for businesses by the beach, you may be able to elaborate how the ban would not only affect local businesses, but the amount of income that is inevitably led away from the beach. I hope that makes sense.

Saying "Most of the people who have an alcohol beverage are responsible adults who have families." holds very little water on the subject. While it may be true, there is no evidense, so how would the veiwers of this essay know that this is the truth?

honestly, in my oppinion that is an extraordinarily difficult stand to take, considering that i can think of many more reasons why alcohol should be banned instead of not.

I would also show more detail within the reasoning that the ban of alcohol will decrease the amount of tourism, because it may contridict people's veiws that the ban may actually incrase tourism to the area.

Listing subtle comprimises to the issue at hand may also aid your arguement, and by saying "There are several ways to reduce the drinking problem other than by having the ban." without actually noting any of the other ways may prompt the reader to thinking that you are only saying that for the sake of arguement, implying that there is no value of mentioning it for the good of your cause.

Perhaps references and arguements used during prohibition in the 1920's could aid your cause, of course, depending how wide-spread the actual ban is. It should be noted that for every arguement there are variables that need to be noted. If you are trying to persuade somebody in favor of the ban, odds are they have done their homework and have a variety of "if, thens" that could be used to support the issue at hand. You must be able to counter act this with valid information, statistics, facts, whatever. Not just an oppinionated essay that says "you should do this because i think that ___"

I hope this helps and/or makes sense. ;)

-Kyle Lanning

kylelanning

May 1, 2009

Writing Feedback / Persuasive essay (Lithium based batteries>Nickel based batteries) [33]

Sean, Eric, you guys are awesome.

I reveiwed with my teacher and she advised me that all the parenthetical citations must be in MLA format, and she also verified that "ibid" was acceptable within reference to the previous source, just as Sean posted.

I understand what you mean Sean about the first arguement, thank you for bringing it to my attention. I will continue to build on it on the basis of what she thinks about the first part of the paper, but i am thinking (in fact, i know) that she would much rather prefer the way you stated it.

I still can't express how much this site exceeded my expectations. I was honestly expecting a dormant, slow moving forum constructed by members that are illigitimate and unconstructive (nothing personal, of course, it just seemed too good to be true). Hopefully one of these days i'll be able to answer questions instead of asking them, but for now, i can't thank you guys enough!

There is definately more to come from this essay as it is the last grade we will have for the semester, so i MUST do good on it.

(also, can you send a private message to other members as you may be able to on other forums? )

Eric, do you go to Grandview in Colorado?

All the best and TGIF
-Kyle Lanning

kylelanning

May 1, 2009

Writing Feedback / Persuasive essay (Lithium based batteries>Nickel based batteries) [33]

Thank you a lot Eric. I wrote another draft based on what advice you have given me. A note about the paper is that I still have many more points to go over, and am far from thinking about a conclusion. About the citations, i honestly do not know what format they should be in, but my teacher just explained that "ibid" should be used after a certain source has been allready shown. I will get back to her on that.

Another note on getting in touch with the teacher, basically, all of this was due today (we had to have had the introduction and first arguement completed) and it will be handed back as a first draft. She will still grade them, but not as rigorously as say a completed essay and it will be handed back with reccomendations on how to improve. Usually, when this happens, i receive back a paper with so much red ink on it that it looks like a bandage from the civil war (lol), and its usually hard to improve. I still have more points to go over, and of course, a conclusion to add.

Thanks alot for the advice, the information that i have obtained from you guys is infinately valuable.

-Kyle Lanning

kylelanning

Apr 30, 2009

Writing Feedback / Persuasive essay (Lithium based batteries>Nickel based batteries) [33]

More work has been done on this paper. I'm sorry if it is an overwhelming amount.

Any advice? I feel like a leech, lol. Any help and i will be extraordinarily thankfull.

Thanks

-Kyle Lanning

kylelanning

Apr 30, 2009

Writing Feedback / Persuasive essay (Lithium based batteries>Nickel based batteries) [33]

Allright, so basically what i am trying to persuade is to advance lithium-based battery technology to be a mainstream battery chemistry compared to that of nickel based cell.

Each of which have their own advantages and disadvantages, but Lithium based cells can benefit industry and consumer electronics much more so than that of nickel based cells.

Essentially, the "target audiance" is my english teacher, who knows very little about my topic.

I do understand that it is a dry topic, and as far as i can tell, there isn't much room for creativity and imaginative writing for the topic.

Everything must be parenthetically documented, etc. I just chose the topic because it is something that interests me more than say... stem cell research, cannabis legality, abortion, and all those other lame over-done (lame) debateable topics. And as far as i know, it may not be changed at this point in time.

I also understand that most of the persuasion is based on hard data, but i don't know of anything to base it off of. There are no ethical standereds to take a stand on though, which i think is a plus, being that there must be parenthetical documentation. It's like persuading somebody to purchase an infinity G35 over a lexus IS F, both vehicles have there own strong and weak points, yet one has to have technical information that says "this is better, therefor it shall persuade you to purchase it" comparitively to the other. So how would one go about persuading one over the other? Perhaps that is the speedbump that i am at now.

English definately isn't my strong point, hence why i came here. Personally, i'd much rather be doing integral calculus or designing something on solidworks. lol.

If anybody has any suggestions on how to improve this and my situation? i am really quite lost. I'm sorry if i am asking too much, and i feel guilty for coming to a forum just to be like- "hey, edit my paper."

Thanks a million.

kylelanning

Apr 28, 2009

Writing Feedback / Persuasive essay (Lithium based batteries>Nickel based batteries) [33]

Wow, thanks guys (i can honestly say that i would've never expected such prompt and constructive answers). I have little time to work on it tonight, but when i get to it (most likely tommarow) i will attempt to utilize the advice given to my best ability.

I can't tell you guys how much this helps!

This site is officially in my favorites. :)

Thanks!

kylelanning

Apr 27, 2009

Writing Feedback / Persuasive essay (Lithium based batteries>Nickel based batteries) [33]

Hello, I need some help on an introductory paragraph for a persuasive essay i am constructing for a 10th grade english course. Every time i feel as if i have something right or perfect, i always seem to obtain low grades on essays that i write. I am a very mathematically-minded person and when i am not able to activly veiw a grading rubric, i am usually unable to formulate somthing that can acheive a high grade.

here is my introductory statement paragraph

Batteries are essential to utilizing many modern electrical devices, and the chemistry within a cell is often taken for granted, therefore lithium-based batteries must be embraced as a newer, better battery chemistry. The focus of research and technical advancement of lithium-based cells should be priority compared to nickel-based cells due to the evident advantages that the lithium-based cells hold. Though both nickel based batteries and lithium based batteries supply a sufficient amount of electrical power for a variety of electrical devices, the advantages of lithium-based technology greatly outweigh that of nickel-based cells in terms of capacity, energy density, cycle amount, internal resistance and effective discharge rates. Because of the multiple advantages lithium technology offers, it is simply illogical to continue with the production and advancement of nickel-based cells. Although the major advantages lithium batteries hold, the technology is not mainstream as nickel-based cells are. The objective of this paper will be to encourage the widespread development and utilization of a new technology. With the advancement and proactive research toward said batteries, mobile electronics will be able to evolve and benefit mankind indefinitely. By interpreting hard data and in-depth information on a variety of battery chemistries, one will most likely be able to determine the immense advantage lithium based batteries have over nickel based batteries.

The possibilities of portable electronics is infinite, but only with strenuous advancements toward newer power technologies. Imagine smaller, lighter, longer lasting laptops, cell phones that may last weeks or even months per charge. Imagine clean, environmentally conscious vehicles that can meet the demands that only internal combustion engines where capable of. Imagine having cordless tools that are not only lightweight but powerful and seemingly everlasting. Imagine not having to worry about charge or discharge rates. Where lithium cells exceed, nickel-based cells are struggling to perform to minimum standards.

Within layman's terms, "energy density" is simply the amount of work (in the form of electrical energy) per an allotted time per weight of a voltaic cell (Buchmann 1 BU5A). The amount of work is measured in watts, which is the standard scientific unit for measuring the effective amount of said work that is produced (Merriam-Webster 1). The standard equation for energy density is simply: energy density equals watt-hours divided by kilograms. Statistics show that lithium polymer batteries obtain an energy density between the average ranges of approximately one-hundred and ten to one-hundred and seventy watt/hours per kilogram (Buchmann 1 BU5A, see index fig. 1). Nickel based cells, on the other hand, produce approximately only seventy to ninety watt/hours per kilogram (Ibid). Why is energy density important? It shows the amount of energy per weight that a voltaic cell (a battery) can produce. Why is that important? Well, a larger amount of watt/hours per kilogram means that more energy can be obtained from a battery at a steady rate for a longer period of time within a certain mass (Battery Energy - What battery provides more? 1). An increased output within a lower mass allows lithium batteries to provide the same amount of energy, as say a nickel-based cell, with a substantial decrease in mass. Again, why is this important? Well, batteries are generally used when AC current (i.e., an outlet) is either uneconomical or inaccessible. This generally means that a battery operated device must be transported, so a light battery that can achieve sufficient power has the ability to be utilized. Electric cars, for example, can benefit from lighter cell technology in order to directly increase efficiency by means of decreased inertia.

If you guys have any suggestions to improve my writing, i will take any advice that is offered and i will strive to grow.

Thanks a million guys

-Kyle

(The assignment is to provide a 5 page persuasive/research essay on a certain topic that states hard evidense to support the certain cause, not anecdotal evidense)

Edit: my last 5 minutes or so has gone into some more

Batteries are essential to utilizing many modern electrical devices, and the chemistry within a cell is often taken for granted. The focus of research and technical advancement of lithium based cells should be priority compared to nickel based cells due to the evident advantages that the lithium based cells hold.

Yay? nay?