Posts by starkeko

starkeko

Dec 11, 2013

Undergraduate / My running experience -Common App #2 "Learning from failure" [5]

I'm kind of unclear on what your failure was and what you gained from it. I like the ending, about how running is not a competition against others but against yourself, but I think you should spend more of the essay talking about that one 42K race and less about your history with running. I think you can say all of that very briefly and then talk about the race and the failure.

starkeko

Dec 11, 2013

Undergraduate / Etymology Proves That I Am Not Mundane; Syracuse Sup CENTRAL TO IDENTITY [4]

In your supplement, I think you should focus a little more on yourself and a little less on your mother and her background

starkeko

Dec 11, 2013

Undergraduate / I am no stranger to getting punched in the face; Martial Arts -Childhood to Adulthood [4]

I really like it, although I think you should introduce how it represents the transition earlier in the essay, then tie it back at the end. Reading through it, it seems like it would be better suited for the "story central to your identity" prompt, but then the last couple of sentences tie it back to the transition prompt. Maybe think about how you can talk about the transition earlier.

Also, I think you should rephrase "With no immediately attainable goal before me, I gradually became less interested in Karate", because I'm not sure how admissions officers are going to interpret it. I don't think it really contributes to the message of the essay.

starkeko

Dec 11, 2013

Undergraduate / Williams supplement- looking through a window at the Swiss Alps [3]

Hi! I'd appreciate some feedback on whether my essay answers the prompt well, or whether I'm putting to much description in and not enough reflection (I tend to do that). Also, I'm having trouble coming up with a title, so help with that would be nice. Thanks!

Imagine looking through a window at any environment that is particularly significant to you. Reflect on the scene, paying close attention to the relation between what you are seeing and why it is meaningful to you. Please limit your statement to 300 words.

Most people think mountains in the winter are just a bleak grey. But from the window of the cabin in the Swiss Alps where I stay with my family, I can see a rainbow on the mountains. Pink and red when the sun rises, blue when the snow is fresh and the sun glints off of it, white when it's cloudy, purple when the sun is setting, deep navy when the moon and stars peek out from behind the clouds.

To the left, I see the yellow gondolas, twenty feet above the snow and hanging from a thick wire, whisk eager skiers up the mountain to the chair lifts and the endless slopes. For a week every year, my dad and I make the heart stopping journey up the side of the mountain every day, ears popping, breath catching at the view.

To the right is the pond, long frozen over, begging me to lace up my skates and feel the crisp wind blow through my hair as I spin.

And somewhere out there, miles away, is the house that my dad grew up in, where I spent countless vacations playing in the huge garden and the shallow pool. Somewhere is the tram line that snakes its way slowly into Basel, with its huge museum and friends' houses and pools with 9 foot diving platforms.

I see myself, 13 years old, flying down the slopes with numb ears and a pink nose, laughing as I overtake my dad. I see myself, 14 years old, landing a jump for the first time on the pond, amazed at how easy it was. Underneath all the snow are memories. Millions and millions of memories. It's become a part of who I am, where I'm from.

words: 295