Posts by Superjaniter

Superjaniter

Dec 15, 2013

Undergraduate / Freshman with broken English - Failure, and how it affected me and lessons I learned [5]

Until I started high school, in high school, everybody seemed to know each other. and there I was as a freshman with a broken English ,which made feel like I wasn't going to fit in with the rest of the students

I'm not sure if you're trying to be clever by showing them the broken up English or its genuinely bad grammar.

Great story, you can even exaggerate the feelings of failure you felt.

Superjaniter

Dec 15, 2013

Undergraduate / Travel Writing summer program in Australia; Irish Fiddling - Why BU? [2]

You need to talk about how you can contribute in the community. BU is a good school, they know what they can do for you. They want to know what you can do for their community. You can possibility write about how you can contribute to the on-campus publications.

Superjaniter

Dec 15, 2013

Undergraduate / Biology defines life ; Cornell Essay ; MAJOR [3]

Working on a science project for two years allowed me to further my knowledge and research a solution to a reoccurring problem not only in my community but around the world. My success and achievements awakened a zeal for the environmental science field as a potential future caree

You probably need to be more specific here. Elaborate on what your project is about. You do talk about your experiment in your third paragraph, but to me, it feels like you just left the audience hanging.

You could even discuss in your essay about how you could continue your research at Cornell, using their research facilities.

Superjaniter

Dec 15, 2013

Undergraduate / Simplicity. Columbia Supp, Past experiences that attract you to a field of study [4]

For applicants to Columbia College, please tell us what from your current and past experiences (either academic or personal) attracts you specifically to the field or fields of study that you noted in the Member Questions section. If you are currently undecided, please write about any field or fields in which you may have an interest at this time. (300 words)

"Good afternoon ma'am, would you like to buy a chocolate?"

"Sure, where will the money go?"

"It goes to children around the world who are in need. Many of them have conditions or diseases and need medical care. You will be providing children with clean water and food."

I wiped the sweat from my brow, as I waited anxiously for her response.

"I'm so sorry, I don't have any change."

I knew that she was lying for I had seen this exact reaction many times before. How could she tell me that she had no money, when seconds ago, she was so inclined to purchase one? Had I not given her enough reason that her money would be well spent?

Frustrated at another failed attempt, I desired no part in asking anybody else whether they would like to purchase a chocolate for charity. However it was what I had signed up for, so I reluctantly asked another. I delivered the shortest of pitches, putting in no effort.

"Would you like to buy a chocolate to support children in need?"

Much to my dismay, he actually bought one. It wasn't the sale that annoyed me, but rather the fact that I made a sale when I tried the least.

In hindsight, I suppose simplicity was the key to all of this. In the midst of people's loud and busy lives, simplicity was a strong and compelling counterforce. Great things are built on simple foundations and on that day, what amazed me was not the words I had used, instead it was the words I hadn't.

This experience has shown me the true power of language, and has been a catalyst for my pursuit in studying creative writing at Columbia. I want to share my message with others, nothing more, nothing less.

Please criticize harshly, I really appreciate it.
I'll be sure to look at your essays in return.