Undergraduate / Komunitas Jendela - Explanation of Gap Year (COMMONAPP) [3]

What do you think about this edited version?

End of high school. I was stuck, losing understanding of myself. I met an ironed border which questioned me: then what? After all stories of success and accolades, then what? After diploma and B.A. or B.S., then what? After the works, the late-night thoughts, the caffeinated cups, the messy papers, and the awards and promotions, then what? The thoughts were blur; I was exhausted. I had decided: I would take a gap year.

Following the night of "Congratulations to the Class of 2014," I paid my first monthly rent for the room I would live in for the next one year using the first earning I received from teaching chemistry Olympiad class in a local high school. For the next year I would stay with two roommates who started their courses in mechanical engineering in Augustus; I loved helping them with organic chemistry and mechanics, and they enjoyed introducing me to computer sciences. As win-win as it sounded, I also asked Adnan and Krisna to join me volunteering to teach in Komunitas Jendela.

Beside teaching, I also learned. Thirst of knowledge had infected my whole body, spreading wider and stronger than cancer. At the same time, I also caught the fever of a miscellany of interest, shifting between pscyhology and sciences, then going beyond, to the circle of literature, philosophy, foreign languages, world history, and anthropology. (Ah, I cannot forget to mention beatboxing, squash, and waltz, too). The good element about gap year was that I was free to take any course, anywhere, and anywhen. I solved more organic chemistry reactions and secured a job involving mosquitoes and papaya leaves in biology laboratory. I registered for six completely different courses in MOOC. I watched John Green's rants about the Mongols in world history crash courses. I signed up duolingo to get along with German, and took an advanced German courses in Bandung. I, too, joined the English conversation club.

Every morning, I put on my running shoes and enjoyed my cardio around the neighborhood: longer and faster every day. I met new faces in the routine-running-mates. Then, I practiced downward-facing dog on my yoga mat and proceeded some gym-like exercises, resulting in losing twenty kilograms which was later translated to goodbye to obessity. On weekends, I explored the city, accompanied by a camera and adequate photography skill taught by my sister; longer holidays would be filled by new trips around my exquisite country. When the courses and the trips ended, I would take my journal and wrote for pleasure. (One of my journal entry won a national travel blog contest). Good lessons were transformed into my column "Study of Humans" in Global Youth Journal, like "can we predict love?" and "the wrong thing about men's body today." In the mean time, I succeeded to publish my first novel-a romance!

Without gap year, I would not smell the aroma of first salary at sixteen, I would get lost in college, unsatisfied of what world has to offer me, I would never recognize Pailey's Analogy and Kepler Mission, I would still be trapped in a high risk of obessity, I would never have any idea of coding, and I would never answer the ironed border's questions. Through the year on (no, it's never off!) I interacted with people and environment of different perspectives, by which I learned to define my value, not only as a scientist or film director, but as a human being. I also caught up with my breath: those stamina which began shrinking after prominent joyful, yet exhausting thirteen years. I meditated. I reflected, looking through my inner mirror. For all of these accolades and successes and hard works and caffeine, I am starting to envision the future of Alief Moulana. Then what? Hold on, I am approcahing the zenith of understanding myself. Next pit stop: college.

Writing Feedback / Nowadays' communication [3]

Emails and telephones have become part of our daily communication. However, it is no way near the real face-to-face communication. Since, it isthey are not reliable and we cannot fully understand the opposite person's feeling. Therefore, I reinforce the community which agrees that emails and telephones make our conversation less meaningful.

Face-to-face interaction is considered to be unir replaceable. Since, that is the only way we can truly analyze and express the feeling of whom we talk to. Emails and telephones cannot show us their facial expression, their eyes, their body language. Consequently, we cannot identify the opposite person's true motives and intentions. Obviously, they can tell lies or truth, because you will not have any clue about it. To clarify it, imagine if you will be discussing (discussing what?) with your best friend through emails. They might be under pressure and stresses. However, once you pose them some questions, then they will nicely answer you. Clearly, it is almost impossible to determine whether she is in good mood or not. Therefore, there will be a gap between you and your best friend. Even though, it is possible for you to identify if she is suffering or satisfying. For the reason that, you and her have been conversing for a long time. Hence, you will understand her really well. However, after all, it is still better to communicate with person face-to-face.

Moreover, in these days, there are numerous hackers or some villains who want to scam you. Thus, utilizing emails or telephones are the best solutions for them . By way of illustration, envision yourself, how many programs can change your voice into the voice of someone else. Let is assume, you are always supporting your elder brother by lending him money. All of a sudden, there is a call from unknown person . However, the voice was exactly like your brother, And he was asking for money by sending some money through Webmoney. As analyzed above, it is really dangerous communicatingto communicate with people through emails or phones.

It is because of the aforementioned reasons that I firmly believe that emails and others devices make our interactions less personal. Since, it is cannot substituted face-to-face interaction because it provides us with less compassion (?) and feeling. Furthermore, it is quite hazardous due to scammers. (The last sentence seems like missing something)

Undergraduate / My Mothers Accident- A Common Application [2]

... to tell my brother and Ime that my mother ...

In my sister' s efforts to calm me down ...
... I had fought that had lea d ties back to my parents divorce.

... topic of how my father doesn'tdidn't help my siblings and me financially.

Her car was totaled and was set into the hospital over night.

... had that fight she would of have never gotten better for herself.

My mother' s accident was ...
For three unbearable years, I'ved let this situation regarding ...

... herself, and I wouldn't ofhave realized my transition of maturity.

Undergraduate / relationships, brotherhood, environment - Three main advantages for living in a small community [4]

In my opinion, there were three main advantages. Firstly, people lived in a small community knew everyone around them, which meant they had a lot of friends and relationships. As a result, they had to talk with the others more and since then cared about each other more. That led to the second benefit: living in a small village meant people had a very strong brotherhood. They would be willing to help anyone who fell into trouble or had difficult problems. For example, when someone was away from home, his neighbours would take care of his house, his family,... (?)T he third advantage was that people had a healthier lives when living in a small community. There were no noise, no traffic jams, no factories, but fresh air, many trees, and peaceful atmosphere. Those conditions help (grammar?) their emotions always stay (grammar?) calm and it was beneficial for their health.

However, I think there were, too , three disadvantages of living in a small community. First of all, since everyone knew everyone else too well, there was no privacy among them. If someone tried to hide something on his own, people would doubt him and started to say bad things about him. The second disadvantage was that people didn't know much about the outside world . They insisted on their traditional customs, al though some of them were very old. Finally, in small villages there were less education, less jobs and poorer health care than ones in large cities. Finally, people's lives would be inconvenient due to the lack of modern facilities such as electricity, television,... (?)

In general, I think living in a small community was better than in a big city. In spite of some disadvantages, people lived in small villages were friendlier, more generous and have healthier life. They cared about others, and therefore they formed a very strong society.

"I am not sure about the grammar you used in the essay; it seemed present tense to be perfect to answer the prompt instead of past tense."

Undergraduate / Campus Construction - Renovation of the UET Peshawar building [2]

To guarantee qualitative improvement of UET Peshawar building, all departments' buildings will be renovated within 3 years, s o that the external physique of campus will look fascinating and attractive. Renovation does not take much time; it can be accomplished before holidays.

It's not possible to attain UET's own ground but we will have Peshawar University's playground on rent with 5 five years contract.

A small medical dispensary will be available at University to provide first aid to every student.

Undergraduate / Letter to the Ministry of Education; Dartmouth:Extracurricular activities/Work experience [4]

Thank you for your advice, admission2012.
What about this one? I just wanted to tell that my writing was about including the environmental program in freshman matriculation.

"So what are you going to do with your writings? You want to make your readers cry? Is that all?"
"No, writing is not..."
"What is that? Tell me! Some writers move people, but today's writers tell nothing, but despair and tear."
I was bowed. The night was cold for me after losing a late-night dormitory's debate to a friend. I had also failed to defend my hobby and profession: writing.

Months passed. In the same room, words turned into fear, as the newspaper announced a new college violence case. College freshman's death happened for one more time, following so many cases that had occurred. It was cliché, but too crucial. Indonesian colleges had long history with college matriculation violence. Freshmen were beaten, humiliated and treated inhumanely by their seniors.

Not planning to be in Indonesia for my undergraduate study does not mean that I am not frightened; all students who sat in the room were. The students imagined what was going to happen to them in the first year of college, and then in a short minute, the images of their dream colleges were shattered. They were just silent, because they all knew that nothing was worth fighting for. Every letter to Ministry of Education will be hardly to read and every protest to university means a future rejection; all they got was nothing but fear.

I sat in laundry room with my laptop, writing 'those letters'. I got no fear about the rejection letters, no restlessness for the Ministry of Education, and even too many guts to write op-ed for newspapers, so why would not I?

It was 1 a.m. In turbulent spirit, I started to throw all things on the letters. My letters were not professional in the side of journalism. There were too many truths I said, which was uncommon thing to do in Indonesian's writing. My emotional paragraphs about how I had seen Indonesian educational system dropped to its lowest level served as an opening. They were followed by the paragraphs telling all possible solutions to prevent the violence in matriculation program: altering the military into more useful environmental program, changing the way seniors treating the freshmen in freshmen's camp, and persuading campus to take position in this urgent problem. Looking out the window, I finished all letters by revealing my worry to the nation.

Ended by clicking the 'send' button, my emails would be read by Ministry of Education, over a hundred PRs of universities to which I sent the letters, and newspaper editors. In addition, I also wrote to Indian institutions, where the same things happened. Within days, replies surprisingly came, and the best news was that they brought my email to national forum. It meant that the emails were not thrown into the bins.

Finally, now, I have found the answer to my friend's question.
"The thing I did with my writing was something they cannot talk using the microphones, and I am sure that it will save some lives next September."