Undergraduate / Why my favorite word is Triumph. - UVA essay [2]

I was working on my essay and wanted someone to critique/edit it for me. Let me know what it lacks and what you like

What is your favorite word and why?

Success is ordinary, it can be achieved without any true conflict or effort, implying the absence of failure. Triumph on the other hand is a much more complex concept, a victory over adversity following many failures, measured only by oneself. Moments of triumph vary in difficulty and magnitude; finally grabbing a toy on the claw machine after spending unfathomable amounts of quarters, reaching the final castle in Super Mario Bros., graduating college, starting a family, deciding to stop procrastinating on this essay.

The sheer mention of the word triumph results in jubilation, a celebration of victory in the face of adversity. It incites a feeling of pride in oneself for succeeding after so many failures. Triumph is the result of perseverance and determination, to continue to strive for success failure after failure deserves satisfaction and joy. One can never become desensitized to the joy and reward of overcoming a challenge.

Although I am too young to have experienced any truly significant moments of triumph, those which I have were the most memorable moments of my life. The main one being the success of my screen printing business after several unsuccessful months of advertising. The joy that came with receiving my first paycheck was a truly triumphant moment as a young entrepreneur. The harder a conflict is, the more gratifying and memorable the triumph. Because of its uniqueness, broad range, and personal significance, triumph is my favorite word.

Undergraduate / Pakistan - My Struggles as an Immigrant: Common App [3]

I wanted some final revisions before i submit my common app essay

Some students have a background or story that is so central to their identity that they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story. (250-650 Words).

The earliest memories I have are of me at my grandparents' school in Pakistan. My grandparents were educators, both born in poor country villages, who moved to the city after marriage and set up an educational establishment. I was the youngest of their grandchildren. I started attending school at the age of 4, the same as most kids in Pakistan. Going to meet my grandmother in her office every day during recess and lunch, where we would eat, talk, and play games on her computer. Those are perhaps my fondest memories of that school.

The following summer, my parents had planned to move to America. There I was, a young boy no more than four or five, who had just left all he knew; the luxury of my grandparents school, the dusty polluted atmosphere, the dilapidated and littered streets, my friends and family.

I moved to America at the age of 5, knowing only very Basic English. The summer before I enrolled in my first American school, I learned English primarily by watching television and playing games. By the end of the summer, I was able to speak, read, and write fluently.

My life in America was the very embodiment of the quest for the American Dream. We started off with nothing. We lived in a small apartment, my parents, younger sister, and I. We struggled to get by quite often. My mother could not find work and my father worked odd jobs. Our first sofa was one we found next to the apartment complex's main dumpster. My parents brought it home and disinfected it. We lived in that two bedroom apartment, sharing two beds until my dad had saved enough money to move somewhere with greater opportunities; Virginia.

In Virginia we moved to another apartment, where my dad continued to work odd jobs until he finally found one at a car dealership. I was never able to form long-term friendships as a child, because we would move to a new house every year, until I entered the fourth grade. Whenever I made friends, I would move during the summer never to see them again. However, it gave me the opportunity to meet kids that were also in my situation, immigrants who were also struggling to find their identities. Kids of all ethnicities and backgrounds, each brought their own cultures and beliefs, they melded them with their newfound American ones; struggling to become settled and successful.

I am known as the "1.5 generation", those that immigrated to a country at a young age. I brought the culture of Pakistan to that of America. It is said that often times, 1.5 generation children are unable to identify themselves with a group, because we are, essentially, stuck between two different cultures and era. The responsibilities I adopted, ones that pushed me to preserve my Pakistani culture, without rejecting my American one and to succeed and learn using the opportunities presented to me. This coupled with my family's seemingly endless financial struggles were motivation enough for me to succeed.

The constant ups and downs that affected my life, both social and economic have motivated me from the very start to try my best, and that I must amount to something. Although I don't necessarily deserve it, having grown up in America, but my parents do. I owe it to them to be successful so that they know their years of sacrifice and struggle led to something great, that they triumphed.