Undergraduate / D&D (Dungeons and Dragons) / PSAT test - MIT essays [8]

1. The use of "grown" is pretty weird. You should probably just say "lived" or "resided". And since you have room, consider demonstrating or expanding on how religion has played a big role in your life.

2. I'm not sure how I feel about this one. You do a good job describing D&D but it's quite impersonal. Perhaps an anecdote about playing it would be more effective.

3. Holy crap, I made pet pages for my Neopets too back in the day!!! Okay, that said, I feel like your essay is a little imbalanced - you could cut the bit about Hello, World! and write more about what you want to study. Right now the part that answers the prompt seems like an afterthought.

4. Subject matter is a little dull, especially because every student applying to MIT has probably worked diligently towards improving his/her score. I'd pick one anecdote and roll with it. It's also better to start in the moment and try and "hook" the reader, instead of opening with a flatter general statement.

Hope this helped!