Graduate / South Korea- a country where tradition and modernity are in harmony - my SOP [3]

Hi Kuroko,
I have read your essay. The grammar and structures are OK. However, after I read it I cannot remember a thing. It seem like any other common essays. Can you remember of a special occasion that made your mind to study in Korea. May your childhood memory...

Also...
In addition to course works, I love to learn more about South Korea martial art especially taekwondo /why/, do volunteer activities /you can do it in other countries, why SK/, help South Korean learn English if they are at a lower level than me, and many other things. /I think better eliminate this one./

You should consider that this is only my opinion. So you to decide whether to change it or not.
And I wish you a good luck.