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Posts by alicat25
Name: alyssa wisnieski
Joined: Jan 15, 2014
Last Post: Jan 17, 2014
Threads: 1
Posts: 3  
From: United States of America
School: orange high school

Displayed posts: 4
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alicat25   
Jan 17, 2014
Undergraduate / Who am I? supplement to the College of William and Mary! [4]

Thanks guys! Those were super helpful corrections... Sometimes the grammar/mechanics stuff is much better picked up on by other people! I revised it yesterday and sent it in so I'm going to close the thread! Thanks again!!!!!

:)
alicat25   
Jan 17, 2014
Undergraduate / "The Road Not Taken"; Why Macalester? [6]

This is great!! I give you a lot of credit applying to a college an ocean away from where you live -- Best of luck to you!
alicat25   
Jan 15, 2014
Undergraduate / "The Road Not Taken"; Why Macalester? [6]

Hi! I'm new here, and don't mean to step on any toes with what I'm going to say, but there WERE some minor errors I found.

1. "cross road" should be "cross roads."
2."retrospection" doesn't fit here (in my opinion)...I would change it to "investigation," or even better, "careful consideration."

3. "breath" should be "breadth"
4. "to research opportunities RIGHT FROM the first semester" = repetitive in the scheme of the sentence...I would change it to "to the availability of research opportunities during the first semester"

5. When you introduce the yoga club, i would say "In addition," before "I am confident"...right now the sentence seems awkwardly placed because you don't have an introduction to it.

6. Then, I would take out the "on the other hand" (it doesn't make sense anyways; you are still talking about physical activity and you make it seem like you will do EITHER the yoga club or the triathlon club -- don't limit yourself right off the bat!), and I would make that sentence a complex one with the previous sentence...i.e.: "In addition, I am confident that I would be able to contribute positively to the Macalester Yoga Club and the Macalester Martial Arts Club, owing to my extensive experience with yoga and karate, at the same time as utilizing the Triathlon Club to help me remain fit and bond with fellow athletes."

7. Last paragraph: You say "confident even." and then launch right into "I am confident that..." REPETITIVE, BIG TIME...change "confident" the second time, to "sure" or "positive"

overall, though, your essay is great! They're sure to love it!!
alicat25   
Jan 15, 2014
Undergraduate / Who am I? supplement to the College of William and Mary! [4]

The essence of the prompt is that this essay is an optional opportunity for show and tell by proxy and with an attitude. Please let me know what you think!

Who am I? On the most basic level, I am the random pairing of 23 different chromosomes crossed between two physician parents. I am sixty four inches of unique DNA constantly being transcribed and translated. I'm made up of trillions of microscopic cells all working together towards a bigger purpose. Dark hair cascades to my waist -- did I mention all the proteins I consist of? -- and two piercing eyes sit disproportionately low on my forehead.

In the fall, I am a collection of 12 different pairs of soccer cleats, all of them differently colored and broken in by the heat of the game. During the winter, I am the worn out leotards covered in chalk and the new skills acquired at early morning workouts. On the weekends in the summer, I am the pitches I paint across the plate, the bases I steal on unsuspecting catchers, and the laughter among my teammates. I feel that the name on the front of the jersey is more important than the name on the back, and for this reason I am an invested team member.

I am a high school transcript filled with good grades and difficult classes, but moreover, I am the countless hours spent grueling over schoolwork to achieve that outcome. When school lets out on Fridays, I am not a red solo cup at a party, but rather, I am the spinning melodies, articulations, and arpeggios I play up and down my flute during lesson. In my spare time -- what spare time?? -- I am the words that I dance across the pages in my notebook as I weave prose.

I am a believer in fairytales. I dream often and purposefully. At times, I am Wendy still waiting for Peter Pan to return to take me to Neverland, and at other times, I am more like Alice in Wonderland, just a little too far down the hole. In my world, unicorns can exist, and nothing is ever too far out of reach. My best thinking comes when I'm in the shower, that is, of course, in between the time when I'm belting out lyrics from the Mowtown era and when I'm washing my hair.

All in all, I am just another high school student struggling to find my way and project my own voice in this world. I recognize the importance of my successes in this process, but can also take ownership of my failures along the way. My mind is sharp and quick, and my spirit is strong and eager, so I am confident that when I arrive as an incoming freshman at the College of William and Mary, I'll be ready to hit the ground running. I am someone who has experienced everything from utter defeat, to triumphant victory; and am balanced enough to understand that no matter what the outcome is, it is the process that is what builds mastery
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