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Posts by QuynhAnh
Name: Tran Quynh Anh
Joined: Feb 18, 2014
Last Post: Jul 8, 2014
Threads: 1
Posts: 3  
Likes: 1
From: Vietnam
School: QuynhAnh

Displayed posts: 4
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QuynhAnh   
Jul 8, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS: Music makes our lifes magical and meaningful [7]

I think you have great ideas but still somehow don't clear it well. Remember what your paragraph is pointing out and put the topic sentence at the beginning of the paragraph ( usually so )

Your essay is rather short ( I just guess because I haven't counted yet ) but if you make it more concise and straightforward then it's still ok.

But try to reach the minimum length as least.

Hope you will be better in the next essay!
QuynhAnh   
Jul 7, 2014
Writing Feedback / Children should learn to compete rather than be cooperative. What's your opinion [4]

Child-rearing has always been a topical issues over a long period of time, which is the result of parent's concern for their children. Each couple of parents, however, has a different way of teaching their offspring, especially in social contexts. Some argue that teaching them how to cooperate with others is proficient rather than instructing them to compete. Several points of both sides are worth taking into considerations.

On one side, children, having been taught to compete, can have a stronger motivation than others who are not. In many cases, motives have always been a focal point in success. Studying, for example, can be an ideal environment for children to practice competing with other friends. Working out a math problem in the race with others can encourage our children's creativity and thus, lifting up their intelligence. As a side effect of competing, a child can also enjoy a more conspicuous sense of personal achievement himself rather than having to share with others. In short, being taught to compete can motivate their own ability, which is considered more beneficial to themselves compared to having a tendency to depend on others in many circumstances.

On other side of the scale, however, is the benefits that children can earn from taking part in cooperation. Our society often regards the power of unity as a key to success. That is also the reason why we should teach our children to cooperate with each other. Putting heads together can enable them a variety of ways to solve a single problem, or even more complicated ones. In discussing with each other, children can also learn from each other and compare with their own answers in order to improve themselves, let alone the fact that they can come up with many more ideas for the same matter. Another worth - mentioning advantage of working together is that children can develop a sense of responsibility and team-work. We are now preparing for them to encounter with many problems in the future, including their employment. Having said that, many companies and organizations also require their workers to have the above-mentioned qualities in order to get the best yield. It is, therefore, vital for children to build up those qualities as habits. They can as a result get into less troubles during their work expectancy, having been prepared with sufficient skills.

In conclusion, both approach of teaching do children good. However, the latter, in my opinion, can be a wiser choice due to all of its benefits in the long-term despite the possibility of impeding outstanding student's personal development.

This is my first time posting my essay on this forum so I really appreciate any comment from you guys. Thanks in advance!
QuynhAnh   
Feb 18, 2014
Student Talk / Hi everyone! Welcome at EssayForum thread. [413]

hi guys I'm from Vietnam and I've just found out this forum. It's really beneficial to my study so I hope I can improve my writing here :)

And of course, I want to befriend with all of you in this thread. Hope that we can chat with each other

Hello everybody! My name is Chau, from Vietnam but at the moment I'm living in Perth that is the city of Western Australia.

hey I'm Vietnamese too
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