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Posts by diana_pencheva
Joined: May 18, 2009
Last Post: Aug 20, 2009
Threads: 2
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diana_pencheva   
Aug 20, 2009
Graduate / "Dear Admission's Committee" - Addendum to a Personal Statement [9]

Thank you Simone and Sean, this was great help and exactly what I was looking for.
I will make the changes.

Yes, i agree, general has nothing to do with concise.I didn't express myself properly there, I meant it more in terms of-- should I skip some of the details and list the things I see as important-- like a general overview of the experience, without the analysis. I am going to leave it as an essay,though and hopefully they will have the time to read it :)

Anyhow, this has been tremendously helpful. Thanks for reading and editing, I realize it is not the most fun read in this forum ;)
diana_pencheva   
Aug 19, 2009
Undergraduate / Reading has always been a favorite pastime of mine. - Common App [14]

I could never become a writer with my displeasure of my own writing. Since I enjoy editing, however, I plan to become an editor

This makes it sound like you want to become an editor bacause you believe you failed as a writer.

I possessed a love for both reading and writing after I had met her, but thinking this way also made me want to read and write more. I sought to read diverse books and learn different ways of writing.

This is general, especially the first sentence.I am not sure what you are trying to say. Make it specific, what kind of books do you mean by "diverse," what are the "different" ways or approaches to writing that you utilized?

For the "selling yourself ideas" you can be more specific about what is editing for you as opposed to reading and writing.Do you have any feedback on your editing skills from that teacher or friends? May be you could mention the easiness of seeing the flaws in other people's writing. When describing the future without books try to create a vivid image of how you imagine such world and what an editor can do to positively affect and keep the balance in such reality.

Research what editors do, what has such a career to offer nowadays. What makes it attractive and meaningful for you?

These are only suggestions.
diana_pencheva   
Aug 18, 2009
Graduate / "Dear Admission's Committee" - Addendum to a Personal Statement [9]

Thank you, the examples were very helpful and gave me ideas of how to better organize the essay. I am sure there is still some wordiness in the revised version but that is a flaw of my writing style that I need to keep working on. These are the changes I made so far based on your suggestions.

READ ABOVE
diana_pencheva   
Aug 18, 2009
Graduate / "Dear Admission's Committee" - Addendum to a Personal Statement [9]

Thank you, these are excellent points and I agree with everything you said. However, since this is not my personal statement, but simply an update to my current status, I have been debating if it is necessary to explain every detail or the committee is looking for something more concise and informative.That made me decide to sound a bit more general. I might be wrong, though. Which sentences seem vague to you?

Thanks a lot.
diana_pencheva   
Aug 18, 2009
Graduate / "Dear Admission's Committee" - Addendum to a Personal Statement [9]

Hello everyone,

I was asked by one of the schools that I am applying to to write an addendum to my personal statement for a PA school. I need to describe my experience shadowing a Physician Assistant. I have never written an addendum before and was not sure how to organize it. I have questions like, should I title it, should I write the date, my name and ID number, should I address the Admission's committee as in a letter and etc..Also, I am not sure how long does it need to be. I assumed that all this things are most likely not too crucial but I would appreciate any tips.

Here is what I have so far:

Addendum to a PA Application Essay

Dear Admission's Committee,

This summer I had the opportunity to shadow PA M. in Emergency Medicine by following her all the way through an exciting and especially eventful day. I was astonished to directly witness her recover a patient from a severe allergic reaction while simultaneously assisting with two other emergency cases. She also got me involved by letting me help in providing first aid. Later on, she encouraged me to perform a basic eye check on a patient and introduced me to the computer system used in the clinic. Being able to see what pulmonary edema looked like on an X-ray was particularly exciting, however, most of all I was thrilled to observe a case of Lyme disease, which, as I was told, is not a common occurrence in the clinic.

While PA M. was diagnosing patients, she did not miss a chance to provide me with explanations and teach me facts about interpreting symptoms. After examining a patient with difficulty swallowing, who was quick to self-diagnose himself with strep throat, PA M. determined it was a viral infection instead. Her conclusion was based on the additional symptoms she caught by asking further questions. She pointed out that in medicine one of the most difficult parts in detecting a problem is when a patient tries to match their symptoms to a certain diagnosis. As a result of this, the doctors may not hear the entire history of symptoms, which ultimately can lead to a wrong diagnosis.

Another interesting aspect of this learning experience was witnessing how patient behavior could give rise to ethical issues. As when the daughter of a patient, without further explanation, requested that no man of color should be present in the room while her mother was being examined. She insisted the medical assistant, who was already helping her, to leave the room and somebody else to take over. Even though PA M. and Dr. S. were obviously disturbed by the accident, instead of simply reflecting anger back to the patient, they were subtle and gave the person a chance to explain the reasoning behind this request. We were informed that her mother has Alzheimer's and becomes extremely aggressive in the presence of Black and Asian people. Considering the degree of pain her mother was already experiencing, the daughter was trying to prevent additional complications. I was impressed by how professionally this matter was approached and resolved. This taught me to not only expect such patients but also to react by attempting to understand what is motivating their behaviors rather than showing personal emotions and anger back to them. Also, it gave me a different perspective on the various states of emotions a patient could be going through.

After this day I came home feeling a sense of accomplishment, confidence and better understanding of the Physician Assistant's significance to a human life. By spending time with PA M., I had a chance to openly observe the demands and rewards of the profession. Even though this opportunity reassured me in my aspiration to become a Physician Assistant, recognizing the serious dedication involved, helped me be more aware of the intensity of such work. My future plans for preparing involve starting the Premedical Volunteer Program of the Hospital of__ this September, which, will further expand my exposure to medicine and train me better for the challenges of PA school.

P.S. I am still debating if I should include the third paragraph, which starts with Initially...I am not sure it adds a lot to the experience and to what I have learned but I feel like I need a second opinion on that.

Thank you!!!
diana_pencheva   
Aug 18, 2009
Undergraduate / Reading has always been a favorite pastime of mine. - Common App [14]

This is a great first draft. However, I think you will need to work a little more on the organization of the essay as well as the content.

When you talk about home country, mention its name.

Also, until the very end of the essay it does not become clear that you want to be an editor and it does feel like it comes out of nowhere. There is no direct connection between reading books and editing. Make this transition smoother. Start the introduction with mentioning, in some way or another, your passion in editing and then proceed with why this is it--because you have always enjoyed reading. As a reader, I would want to know more why editing exactly? Was it because while you would read a book and this would make you want to talk to the author about it and ask millions of question about why this and that are written exactly this way? Was it because you would come up with a better way to develop that story? Did you enjoy composition classes in school? There is a lot more to editing than just reading and I, as a reader, would want to see that in your text so I can be convinced this is really the career for you.

I like very much your ideas of opposing technology to traditional books. Yet, technology is the future, are there any ways they can connect through editing? Keep working on it. I can see you are into something very good.
diana_pencheva   
Aug 18, 2009
Undergraduate / The Art Institute of Dallas admission essay [10]

Also,in addition to what others suggested, I think it will be good to make a direct reference to something specific in their program.This could be a class, an internship or a teacher, which makes their program particularly attractive to you. Possibly, research some of the professors and mention what do you like about his/her work. Tell a short story from your life, about who or what influenced you in this direction. Mention any experience that you already have in this field.

Good luck!
diana_pencheva   
May 19, 2009
Graduate / 'Traveling back in time' - Physician Assistant -- personal statament [8]

Thank you!!!! I agree about the boring opening line. This is my new intro paragraph but am not sure if it is better. Also, I am not mentioning the name of any particular school because this is an essay for a general application, which goes to many schools.

However, now I am 500 words over the characters limit:( Any suggestions about how and what to shorten?
diana_pencheva   
May 18, 2009
Graduate / 'Traveling back in time' - Physician Assistant -- personal statament [8]

The goal is to sound convincing and prepared for the challenging PA program.
Also, English is my second language so probably there are some awkward expressions in the text.
Here is the essay:

Traveling back in time to when I first moved to U.S. from Bulgaria, I recall the obstacles on the way and recognize that they have mirrored my own growth and achievements. Even though leaving everything I know and everyone I love was not an easy choice to make, observing myself grow from a timid girl into a self-confident individual as a consequence, helps me to differentiate the things that matter the most in my life. I believe that what brings fulfillment to one person is not necessarily what makes another happy. Just like beauty is in the eyes of the beholder the fulfillment in my eyes comes from helping and caring for people. I desire to pursue a career as a Physician Assistant in order to fully use my talents, capacities and potentials to be in service of others

Throughout my years as a student, I worked as a child caregiver for numerous families. This job not only gave me a chance to become familiar with the psychological and physical aspects of children's development but also allowed me to recognize the needs and demands of other human beings. Nonetheless, it has helped me to realize that caring for others provides the caregiver with an emotional payback in the sense of personal fulfillment and self-worth.

In my attempt to learn more about the medical field, right after I finished my bachelor's degree I began to actively devote my spare time to volunteering at the Emergency Department of Children's Hospital of Philadelphia. There I have the opportunity to constantly interact with patients, work along side Child Life staff, observe the work of doctors, nurses, physician assistants, and pediatrics as well as experience emergency room settings. Prior to this, my familiarity with the health professions was based on my experience as a patient in physical therapy. At that time, I was able to examine what an important role a therapist plays in patient's physical but also emotional recovery.

The most essential fact I discover from my health care experience is how vital each health care member is to patient care, recognizing the individual commitment and dedication required for this profession. At the present, I have a deeper comprehension about how challenging the physician assistant profession is but having a better insight on what it feels like to be a patient makes me confident that I will strive to listen, take care and seek a specific solution for each patient. I am specifically interested in current trends in medicine that incorporate a holistic approach to traditional medication, therefore, providing each patient with more options for success in the pursuit of personal health. I hope one day to work as a physician assistant in multi-racial, multi-cultural and socially diverse urban settings, as I believe that as a minority myself, coming from an economically disadvantaged family, I will be able to relate to a variety of different backgrounds. Moreover, my knowledge of foreign languages will be tremendously beneficial in such environment. Based on my experience at CHOP, I consider medical practice within economically and racially diverse populations as extremely rewarding and fulfilling.

I am prepared to work hard and accomplish my ambition as I am in no doubt this is the most suitable academic path for me. Dedicating my life to the study of the human body in order to help others would be not only an exciting honor but also an opportunity to touch the life of others.
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