Posts by conviction

conviction

Mar 23, 2014

Writing Feedback / IELTS-GT: it's important for parents to teach their children about the importance of money [3]

Naveed786

Few cents from my side

1. Essay is quite lengthy - 519 words. Save your time and yourself from mistakes. Try not to go beyond 300 words. Remember you will be given only 40 minutes to complete task 2.

2. Focus on punctuation rules to avoid losing marks unnecessarily. Google grammarbook+punctuation_rules. External links are not allowed.
3. Always proofread the task response after finishing it.

conviction

Mar 23, 2014

Writing Feedback / IELTS 2 - Retirement homes or Living with families? Which way is better for the elderly? [12]

Thank you all for your time and suggestions. I certainly appreciate it.

Well, I'd like to suggest you a bit different approach for your body paras. Follow this;

Thank you

I have seen this from some corners of the world. However, you'd better use the high standard one by putting a period before therefore, not semi-colon.

I learned it in a webpage that we can use semicolon in place of period to separate two sentences where conjunction has been left out. I thought of adding semicolon because it may make the essay more attractive and formal. I'd rather use a period to avoid committing mistakes.

Try not to split the subject and the verb by putting one comma.
Possible suggestion: the country (a comma) where we live in (a comma) is ...

India, the country where we live in, is bound by moral values and social responsibilities. - Are you suggesting this? I used comma before and after 'where we live in' because the expression is not essential and it may interrupt the sentence flow.

conviction:
nursing homes may offer professional service to old age people but it cannot provide
what refers to...???

My bad!!! Thank you for it.

conviction

Mar 22, 2014

Writing Feedback / IELTS 2 - Retirement homes or Living with families? Which way is better for the elderly? [12]

This is perfect, Dumi. Are you okay with the body of the essay, sentence structure, vocabulary, choice of words, and grammar?

conviction

Mar 21, 2014

Writing Feedback / IELTS 2 - Retirement homes or Living with families? Which way is better for the elderly? [12]

Thank you for your suggestions, MisterWandering. Looks like I will have to rewrite the whole essay to score band 7 :-)

conviction

Mar 21, 2014

Writing Feedback / IELTS 2 - Retirement homes or Living with families? Which way is better for the elderly? [12]

dumi
Please accept my apologies profusely for the misleading title. Your point is well delivered. I value your suggestion about presenting the introduction part in an attractive manner.

conviction

Mar 21, 2014

Writing Feedback / IELTS 2 - Retirement homes or Living with families? Which way is better for the elderly? [12]

Certainly appreciate your advise. Thank you.

conviction

Mar 20, 2014

Writing Feedback / IELTS 2 - Retirement homes or Living with families? Which way is better for the elderly? [12]

In many societies, elderly people often live in retirement homes. This is not appropriate because families should always care for their aging members. Do you agree?

Over the recent years, our attitudes toward elderly people have considerably changed. No one can deny the fact that a majority of old-age people are now residing in nursing homes. In my opinion, senior people should not be abandoned by their families at their old age. They will be in desperate need of emotional support more than any other period in life when they are old.

To begin with, it is the loneliness that elders suffer more than any other physical ailment during their old age; hence, it is essential that families should take care of the elders. In fact, having elderly people at home brings a lot of beneficial effects to the children. Children would be delighted to listen to historical events and stories from their grandparents. In addition, elders are the source of experience and they would be able to guide us when we stumble upon any issues. In fact, grannytheraphy often plays crucial role and still competes with highly sophisticated medical technologies.

India, the country where we live in, is bound by moral values and social responsibilities. Looking after elderly people has been part of our cultural system; therefore, it cannot be ignored. Furthermore, nursing homes may offer professional service to old age people but it cannot provide an environment of love and an unpaid care. Some people may contend that retirement villages are capable to aid elder people in the fast-moving world, but I believe it cannot give the hope and necessity to live.

In conclusion, we should not ignore the elders when they get aged. It is not only our moral responsibility but we are implying our children to take care of us when we get old.

I have rewritten the essay after reading others and would like to have your opinion.