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Posts by yuchiu
Name: YU CHIU
Joined: Apr 18, 2014
Last Post: Apr 26, 2014
Threads: 2
Posts: 5  

From: Taiwan
School: Raffles Design Institute

Displayed posts: 7
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yuchiu   
Apr 26, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS: advertising impact on people's choice of consumption [4]

Question: Today, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which there are sold. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Answer:
Nowdays, people's choice of consumption is heavily affected by various of advertising on television, street, magazine etc. This argument may be true that people will be swayed by the advertising and buy things they do not need it for their life. For exampleIn, in most asian countries, advertisement company usually hire popular singers or actors to advertise the products to boosts the sales, and some people, especially adolescent may buy things from their favourite singer advertised to support their idol instead of to fill their needs.

In addition, products usually look more gorgeous and with good quality in advertisement, people are more likely to buy goods impulsively without a second thought. A good advertisement can convince people to believe that it is what they want, even though it is not the real needs of the society. And there are always people purchase particular products swayed by advertising which makes it a trend to follow for other people who is unnecessarily need it.

However, buying habit is a very personal things for individuals, the advertisement is not the only cause for people to buy, sometimes it depends on one's needs and ability of consumption. It is unlikely to buy things impulsively for adults who have concern of arranging disposable income. Most of them have to allocate the money if they doing other purchase. On the other hand, children and adolescents who is not economic independence is more possible to buy things impulsively without considering whether they need it or not, since they do not have financial pressure from life and ability to define what is necessary.

In my opinion, I think buying habit is people's choice to make, not entirely affected by advertisements. But for children or adolescents who is not mentally develop, it might be hard for them not to swayed by advertising. So it is important that government needs to impose rules on particularly advertisement company (for example, toys company) to avoid youngster have bias thought on what they really need.
yuchiu   
Apr 26, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS: problem of obesity and how to solve it; parents & school all have a role [4]

hi there,
about grammar, there is some mistake : Another problem is that fewer and fewer persons are doing sports.
and here is some suggestion : High quality of life and having many facilities make our lifestyle more lazy. could be ''office and factory automation makes our lifestyle more lazy. ''

Many families have more than one car and they are using all the cars all the time to go to their destinations could be '' the reliance on cars also a directly cause of obesity'' hope this can help you. =)
yuchiu   
Apr 24, 2014
Writing Feedback / During this 25 year period, consumption of pizza and hamburgers by Australian teenagers increased [6]

Dear upinpin:
Australian teenagers increase sharply specially for pizza and hamburger. But, for fish and chip decrease sharply .
Pizza line shows from 1975 to 1995 increased sharply
I think you could use different word replacement to illustrates the curve line, it helps to enrich the essay (e.g.rapidly,quickly,suddenly), or you can try different structure like: During 25 years the consumption of fast food in Australia has a rapid increase in pizza and hamburger.

Hope this would help you.
yuchiu   
Apr 22, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS: 'sense of cooperation' - children should be competitive or cooperative? [11]

(Question: Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to be co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.)

Children Competition



Answer:
In present educational system there are variety of competitions in academic area and athletic area for children to attend, which could stimulating the will of children to learn and to achieve the best of them, and also be able to teach them teamwork skill. However, some people think it is better to make children be competitive than cooperative, both the values have its arguments.

A strong competition sense helps children having urge to learn or to practice for being the best among peers, and this factor is initially arises from the schools and parents, to encourage children to get the highest scores through the grading system. Even though a competitive child is usually more motivated to pursue a goal or to face difficulties independently, but it is also risky that children are becoming too competitive to cooperating with others. Being competitive leads them to success, but could also restrict them in many ways. For example, it might be hard for a competitive person to deal or manage in a team work project.

On the other hand, cooperation is also an essential quality for children, no matter in school activities or in communities. Having a good cooperating spirit helps kids to communicate and get along with others, which gives them more possibility to solve problems or to achieve a goal easily by working as a team. After all, in society, there is hardly anyone who could has big achievement by oneself. For example, famous singers or movie stars, despite of their talent to make them successful, there are always a team to manage works or deal with things.

In my point of view, though competitive child would have more motivation and perspective that leads them to success, but it would not help them much once they enter to society or company which required more about skill of team work. To sum up, I would say that schools and adults should put a sense of cooperation in children to make them becoming a useful adult whether in society or community.
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