Posts by funny

funny_sun89

Sep 4, 2014

Writing Feedback / IELTS - Education should be considered as the most important factor in a country's success [10]

first of all, your introduction is too wordy. If I were you, I would write the introduction like this:

Economic progress is often used to measure a country's success. However, some people believe that other factors play more important roles, among which education should be considered as a leading element.

In the first body paragraph, why do you focus on so many aspects that it cannot persuade me to believe that education is the most important factor?

In my opinion, you should focus on the reasons why education is important in both of body paragraphs.

funny_sun89

Sep 2, 2014

Writing Feedback / ielts: private citizens, businesses and governments play equally roles in protecting the environment [2]

It must be recognized that human beings have never been facing more environmental problems than these days. Discussion concerning environmental protection often focuses on the responsibility of individuals and businesses; however, having said that, governments actually play a crucial role.

There is a widespread belief that the role of governments in protecting the environment is decisive. The notion is based on the premise that not everyone is so aware of the urgency of environmental problems that they spontaneously protect the environment. At the same time, a government is the largest system that can control, influence, or regulate the actions of citizens and organizations in a country. Therefore, the schemes of protection, including laws and politics must be designed carefully, comprehensively and effectively by the governments to make sure that all of the individuals and organizations participate in protecting the environment. Moreover, just governments can represent their whole countries to cooperate with other countries in order to make a global positive effect on the current state of the environment because the separate efforts of countries cannot preserve our planet.

One must not neglect to mention is that individuals and businesses have to participate in environmental protection through obeying their governments' managements. It is difficult to deny that there is a clear link between humans and environmental problems. That is to say, whenever and wherever humans live, they damage the ecosystem in some way. To be more specific, humans have been exploiting natural resources to meet their needs such as food, clothes, accommodation and medicine. Moreover, these needs nowadays are met by businesses that are applying advanced technology to environmental exploitation. Under these conditions, it is possible that the nature to be threatened by humans' demands as this exploitation is more and more far-reaching and harmful. Consequently, there is no point for private citizens and businesses in refusing to protect the environment.

In conclusion, protecting the environment is the duty of everyone and every organization. However, when all is said and done, there is little we can do to save the natural world without the full support of government.