monmomo04
Jun 18, 2014
Writing Feedback / SAT essay sample - how important is to look beyond superficial appearances? [5]
Thank you for your remarks. In fact, that was a first try.
Thank you for your remarks. In fact, that was a first try.
monmomo04
May 29, 2014
Writing Feedback / SAT essay sample - how important is to look beyond superficial appearances? [5]
Okay! I will try to make one longer next time. Do you have any suggestion about the paragraphs' structure? I find them weak.
Okay! I will try to make one longer next time. Do you have any suggestion about the paragraphs' structure? I find them weak.
monmomo04
May 29, 2014
Scholarship / We no longer live in the past; we strive to seek for a perfected global future [9]
I find the overall of your essay great. It's captivating.
However, here are some errors i have found
-She pressed the bio-gps button located on the console of her vehicle "which" immediately responding with a thought.
-With the use of Quantum technology, cars, computers and other electrical devices are able to process its/"their" information at the speed of light
I find the overall of your essay great. It's captivating.
However, here are some errors i have found
-She pressed the bio-gps button located on the console of her vehicle "which" immediately responding with a thought.
-With the use of Quantum technology, cars, computers and other electrical devices are able to process its/"their" information at the speed of light
monmomo04
May 28, 2014
Writing Feedback / SAT essay sample - how important is to look beyond superficial appearances? [5]
Can anyone score this essay and point out why and its weaknesses? Like how does it failed SAT essay criteria.
Prompt :In a culture obsessed with superficial appearances, our leaders should be those who can see beyond the surface. Judging a book by its cover is the job of the new consumer, but reading the book- pondering its contents and perhaps seeking to write new chapters- is the job of a leader.
Assignment: How important is it to look beyond superficial appearances?
Appearance is always often be the first considered in our way of seeing someone or something. But this have to be the first not the last. We are not little to be disappointed by outsider appearance instead of inner one.
For instance, a person who is looking for someone to be married with will always hide all his/her bad (or even very bad) comportements away. So he/she will have the potential of being well judged by others. Thus, this coming partner will be very disappointed and as a result mess this relation up shortly.
Not to be the last, appearance is known to be really convective. Its effects is used in marketing and, make the consumer thinks if something looks good, it is good. Therefore, a product that is well presented will often have a high rate of sell and be more attractive to consumer; unless they have tried it and get the real persuasion of it.
As presented by the examples below, we can see that appearance is slippery. Indeed, it's a matter to consider but it's not fair proof to to base our judgments on. Thus, leaders should be doubtful of appearance and look to see beyond.
Can anyone score this essay and point out why and its weaknesses? Like how does it failed SAT essay criteria.
Prompt :In a culture obsessed with superficial appearances, our leaders should be those who can see beyond the surface. Judging a book by its cover is the job of the new consumer, but reading the book- pondering its contents and perhaps seeking to write new chapters- is the job of a leader.
Assignment: How important is it to look beyond superficial appearances?
Appearance is always often be the first considered in our way of seeing someone or something. But this have to be the first not the last. We are not little to be disappointed by outsider appearance instead of inner one.
For instance, a person who is looking for someone to be married with will always hide all his/her bad (or even very bad) comportements away. So he/she will have the potential of being well judged by others. Thus, this coming partner will be very disappointed and as a result mess this relation up shortly.
Not to be the last, appearance is known to be really convective. Its effects is used in marketing and, make the consumer thinks if something looks good, it is good. Therefore, a product that is well presented will often have a high rate of sell and be more attractive to consumer; unless they have tried it and get the real persuasion of it.
As presented by the examples below, we can see that appearance is slippery. Indeed, it's a matter to consider but it's not fair proof to to base our judgments on. Thus, leaders should be doubtful of appearance and look to see beyond.
monmomo04
May 28, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS - Zoos are cruel or useful? [6]
It will be better if you balance the quantity of all the body's paragraphs. I mean you should try to develop more the crontethesis in the second paragraph which say zoos are cruel against animals.
It will be better if you balance the quantity of all the body's paragraphs. I mean you should try to develop more the crontethesis in the second paragraph which say zoos are cruel against animals.
