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Posts by Revin
Name: Revin Gohil
Joined: Jun 7, 2014
Last Post: Aug 1, 2014
Threads: 2
Posts: 4  
From: India
School: Wisdom High

Displayed posts: 6
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Revin   
Aug 1, 2014
Writing Feedback / The wide-spread use of labor-saving devices has only made our life much more hectic. [3]

Warm Greetings Users and Experts,
I'm appearing for an essay competition soon in the age category of 15-16 years old. Please do help me by pointing out my errors in this essay.

Thank you :D
Regards
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In this present day and age, we are surrounded by a myriad of devices which aid us in reducing our work.These devices, which help abase our workload, are collectively termed as "labor-saving" devices. Interestingly, all devices created so far are contrived with the object of abating our toil and hence, all of them are classified as labor-saving devices, right from calculators to laptops to vehicles.However, there is much argument about the fact of these machines effectively reducing our workload. Incontrovertibly, they help in lessening our drudgery in respect of a particular task but pragmatically, I believe that with their invention and widespread use, there has been an augment in our overall labor work, making our lives much more hectic

Foremost,I'd like to differentiate between the erstwhile and contemporary generation as it is oft believed that people in the primordial times led a rather stress-free life. This belief is utterly veracious for they lived with an aim of only thriving through their lives. These people,unsophisticated in nature, only yearned to acquire adequate eatables for themselves so as to live their lives. However, with a precipitation of some kind of scientific temper imbued in the later generation, mankind making revolutionary discoveries. With an accreit of such products, we started fabricating higher goals and aims for ourselves. Adopting such goals did succor in further development in the field of science and technology but alongside also engendered in the development of a plethora of stress amongst people.

The invention of such devices has not only made our work easy but also widened the prospect of our work . To further corroborate with my opinion, I shall cite a particular example to which many of us can relate to. For instance, if a corporate,bourgeois employee with a perfunctory vocation, is bestowed a personal laptop from his employer, this gesture will be perceived as one of approbation. Also, for the employee, it might signify lesser work as he could thereafter use the portable device to complete his pending work even when he is away from office. However, there is no such limit on the amount of work that can be done and hence, he would end up working much more,gradually lessening his personal time which is replaced bu his laptop work. This dearth of private time is what makes our life more hectic.Furthermore, through a multitudinous number of surveys psychologists have deduced that citizens of a developed country, in comparision with developing countries, lead a much more hectic lifestyle. These results can be co-related with the fact that citizens of developed countries are much more exposed to such "labor-saving devices" than the latter,

Humans, as we know, have got the inevitable propensity of always wanting more. These devices, instead of helping us to reduce our work, further assist us in our pursuit of gaining "more", a pursuit which is impossibly to be achieved. Hence, to make optimum utilization of these beneficial gadgets, we must draw a line between their use and over-dependence of on them, a restriction which is of utmost importance if we desire to live bereft of copious stress.

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Revin   
Jun 11, 2014
Writing Feedback / Nuclear weapons, boon or curse ? [6]

Dear Madam,
I am really grateful to you for reviewing and correcting bits and parts of my essays ! I'd like to thank you for taking off the time to do so and I'll surely try and follow your advice :D

Warm regards.
Revin   
Jun 8, 2014
Writing Feedback / Nuclear weapons, boon or curse ? [6]

post something meaningful

Sir, I do not see how an essay talking about the demerits of use of nuclear weapons is not "meaningful". In fact, it possesses much more of a "meaningful" element since it describes the destabilization of world peace, something that it is of utmost importance since it has the most wide-spread and devastating effect.

Peace :3
Revin   
Jun 7, 2014
Writing Feedback / [IELTS] Increased taxation on petrol and diesel fuel to discourage private cars? [12]

Hey Salmon,
Foremost, I'd like to clarify that I'm no expert :3

Your essay is very well written. It's short, crisp and rather-straight forward. However, the topic pertains to flammable resources being environmentally unfriendly so I strongly feel that you should include alternatives to demean environment destruction in your essay.

Other than that, its excellent, as you have added in a number of consequences if such a thing were to happen and that is a powerful technique.All in all, its a good one. :'D

Cheers
Revin   
Jun 7, 2014
Writing Feedback / Ielts - fast food is good or bad? [10]

Hey there Helpmeet !
I've skimmed through your essay and here is a piece of advice from me - If you are preparing for IELTS, you've a long way to go my friend. Firstly, you should start by widening your vocabulary and in tandem also read as many model essays as you can. :'D

I'd like to help you by pointing out a few errors herein.
1) Fast-food, is to be considered as a singular term and hence, singular verbs apply to it. Similarly, there is a multitude of errors relating to the use of singular or plural verbs.

2)Lack of use of articles
3)Mis-used punctuation

P.S Try to format the thread out in a better way, it becomes rather cumbersome for us to review :'D
Cheers,
Revin
Revin   
Jun 7, 2014
Writing Feedback / Nuclear weapons, boon or curse ? [6]

Greetings writers !
I've come up with an essay pertaining to the topic : Since the invention of nuclear weapons we have had a long period of GLOBAL peace and stability. Are nuclear weapons global peacemakers or killing devices?

I'd really appreciate any reviews on my essay :D

INVENTION OF NUCLEAR WEAPONS
Nuclear weapons are considered to be the most pernicious form of weaponry and there is much controversy about the aftermath of its invention. The first nuclear weapon, which was the nuclear bomb, was contrived by the United States of America in 1945. Not three weeks later, the world witnessed a catastrophic and a gruesome incident- The Hiroshima and Nagasaki shelling. Americans dropped two nuclear bombs on these places, expeditiously but rather in a rather sacrilegious, putting an end to the Pacific War. Ever since then, a myriad of countries have started concocting their own nuclear weapons. Irrefutably, the question arises, what effects nuclear weapons have on global peace and stability.

A multitude of countries, in an attempt to protect their various rights and to fortify their defence units, have begun to manufacture nuclear weapons. There are five states classified as "Nuclear Superpowers" under Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty and an approximate other ten which have successfully detonated nuclear weapons in past. With advancement in technology and science, there is advancement in military weapons as well. Many countries, fearful of being dominated by other nuclear states, are piqued to manufacture their own nuclear weapons. Hence, we arrive at an incontrovertible conclusion that militarization with respect to nuclear weapons is at an augment.

In my opinion, deploying nuclear artilleries and manufacturing such weapons of mass destruction, is deleterious to world peace and stability. It exacerbates the tensions between nations with historically unsatisfactory relations and strains ties between conciliatory nations. Moreover, countries have a propensity to use nuclear weapons as means of attack since they do cataclysmic destruction and its after-effects prevail on in generations to come. Hence, it has become highly probable that an inconsequential activity might trigger a brutal nuclear war, precipitating devastatingly unreasonable consequences. Nuclear weapons thus, in no way set parameters for achieving global peace.

Before concluding, I'd like to elucidate that nuclear technology can be used for meritorious work as well such the generation of electricity. It is of utmost importance to prohibit manufacturing of nuclear weapons as they drive us away from the ultimate goal of achieving global peace. United Nations must play a pro-active role in demilitarizing nuclear states and establishing more Nuclear-Free Territory Zones, adding to the contemporary five, and to foster peaceful settlement of disputes. All in all, we need to demean the chances of another war, which would claim a gargantuan number of lives and cause much more destruction than previous wars.

A thank you in advance. :'D
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