Writing Feedback / IELTS Essay - Well qualified graduates without employement [5]

Hello again, this is my second essay on a following topic:
In many countries today there are many highly qualified graduates without employment.
What factors may have caused this situation and what, in your opinion, can/should be done about it?

In today, modern world people want to achieve more than at any time ever. This is why young persons decide to attend to university, or college. Unfortunatelly, many of them face a lot of issues, with one, most difficult for them- unemployement. In many countries, young, enthusiastic and highly qualified graduates can not find a job- this is not only a problem for young persons, but for a whole society as well.

To begin, it must be said that employement is well correlated with economic situation in country. If there are no enough companies and demand for graduates, obviously, they will not find a job. As far as I am concerned, government should reduce taxes in order to encourage citizens, to start their own business, which will lead to create more job opportunities by fast- growing industry.

Secondly, government could pay subsidies for companies, per every employed graduate. This would encourage industry to give a job more young people and help them to quickly become integrated with the labour market. This would not only help graduates, but also the whole society by reduced unemployment rate.

Thirdly, to say nothing of aside from finding a solution, there must be found a source problem. For instance, in my country, most of the universities do not teach students how to look for a job, write a curriculum vitae and other, necessary in further life skills. They concentrate on a theory, rather than teaching them more practicall skills. Furthermore, next source problem is a students' thinking. Most of them do not want to work during their course, or take a placement year, so their work history is empty when they graduate.

Taking everything into account, it is not easy to find one, straight solution for a problem stated in the topic. But, I am also convinced that changing students' way of thinking by academic tutors and few government's changes, can bring wonderful affects in the future. So more graduates will be prepared for their dream job' requirements and they will know how to achieve them.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 2 - Modern values; social status and material possessions [8]

Hello everyone, I have written an IELTS essey and here is the topic:
"A person's worth nowadays seems to be judged according to social status and material possessions. Old-fashioned values, such as honour, kindness and trust, no longer seem important.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience".
Ok, so there are 281 words, and if it matters it took me something like 30 minutes. I would be happy if someone would like to mark this essey and give me some tips.

Thanks in advance :)

It is obvious that our values and preferences change over flowing time. In the past- values such like honour or trust were the most important if it comes to person's worth. Today some people say that most of us look for more materialistic 'values'. But is it really so true and common?

To begin as far as I am concerned 'old- fasioned' values are still the main thing we are looking for in ours' friends. That is because when it comes to talk about problems, issues, or anything different which is important, we want to share it with person we can trust. Money and social status will not help us at that moment.

Furthermore people with good opinion and as it was called- 'old- fashioned' values are generally people who are most looked for by whole society- in my opinion. If it comes to business meeting, or problem solving these are the people the greatly part of society want to be with, because material possessions does not simply matter then.

But to be honest, it must be said that some people- especially teenagers, or kids sometimes look for rich- 'cool' kids. And that is because they want to be a part of a 'better'- in their point of view- group. But it is obvious that most of these people will change their attitude, point of view and values during the flowing time.

Summing up, personally I would never said that today- old- fashioned values like honour or kindness are useless. These values are never getting old, and because we are humans we will be always judge people by their personality rather than material status. That is because social status can be changed- personality often not.