Hello everyone, I have written an IELTS essey and here is the topic:
"A person's worth nowadays seems to be judged according to social status and material possessions. Old-fashioned values, such as honour, kindness and trust, no longer seem important.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience".
Ok, so there are 281 words, and if it matters it took me something like 30 minutes. I would be happy if someone would like to mark this essey and give me some tips.
Thanks in advance :)
It is obvious that our values and preferences change over flowing time. In the past- values such like honour or trust were the most important if it comes to person's worth. Today some people say that most of us look for more materialistic 'values'. But is it really so true and common?
To begin as far as I am concerned 'old- fasioned' values are still the main thing we are looking for in ours' friends. That is because when it comes to talk about problems, issues, or anything different which is important, we want to share it with person we can trust. Money and social status will not help us at that moment.
Furthermore people with good opinion and as it was called- 'old- fashioned' values are generally people who are most looked for by whole society- in my opinion. If it comes to business meeting, or problem solving these are the people the greatly part of society want to be with, because material possessions does not simply matter then.
But to be honest, it must be said that some people- especially teenagers, or kids sometimes look for rich- 'cool' kids. And that is because they want to be a part of a 'better'- in their point of view- group. But it is obvious that most of these people will change their attitude, point of view and values during the flowing time.
Summing up, personally I would never said that today- old- fashioned values like honour or kindness are useless. These values are never getting old, and because we are humans we will be always judge people by their personality rather than material status. That is because social status can be changed- personality often not.
you missed some punctuation, maybe it seems small,but when you put them in appropriate places,it may help you to raise your score and make the readers easier to catch your points as well
Yeah, I think that I could improve my punctuaction, but, by the way, do You think that it might be marked as band 6 essay?
why don't you choose another word istead of " old-fashioned" value because it repeats many times.
May be traditional thoughts...
Ok, thanks for tips :)
I hope to preview this forum more often- it is very helpful. Thanks again :)
eddies [Contributor]
25 / 1,208 
476 Well, I didn't see you write a strong introduction. The strong introduction is;
1. introduce the topic clearly
2. gives several sentences about the topic
3. states the thesis (the main idea) of the essay
it is obvious thatObviously, most of these people will change their attitude, point of view and values during the flowing time.
Thank You Eddies, I am going to write next essay and I am sure there will be a better introduction :)
It is obvious that our values and preferences change over flowingwith time. In the past- values such like honour or trust were the most important virtues of a person that defines his worthinessif it comes to person's worth . Today some people say that most of us look for more materialistic 'values'. But is it really so true and common?
Generally, it is recommended that you express your own opinion straight away in the last line of your intro for this particular task.
