Posts by merve

merve

Jun 15, 2014

Writing Feedback / "broken chopsticks" - letter to the shop manager; writing task in IELTS 8 [4]

I only found that out~~the problem~~ when I opened the package at home.

Your clerk had said your goods had very good quality when I was shopping. But the fact now is that many of the chopsticks can not be useful.

*general rule : but /and/or connect two sentences.

My suggestion is as follows :

Sales clerk told me that your good are of good quality while I was shopping but the broken chopsticks that came out from the box is implying otherwise.

merve

Jun 15, 2014

Writing Feedback / "broken chopsticks" - letter to the shop manager; writing task in IELTS 8 [4]

I am writeing to you as some of chopsticks which was bought (who bought them) from your shop last week were broken((not clear if you broke them or they were already broken when you purchased the box)

My suggestion is as follows :

I am writing this letter to inform you that last week I purchased a box of chopsticks from your shop and some of them came out broken.

merve

Jun 15, 2014

Writing Feedback / [IELTS] Do guns can really increase the level of violence? [7]

Some inhabitants argue that this case appears because the guns are always used by a police to solve a criminal act.

inhabitants : wrong word choice.because it implies a group of people living in a particular area

this case appears : wrong word choice because a case can appear at a court.I think here you are trying to explain that something "occurs" depending on something.

a police : singular v plural problem.when you are generalising ,it is better to avoid "a" / "an".Besides police is considered to be plural (short form of police force).If you would like to talk about a single policeman you can use "policeman" or "police officer". The same rule goes for the criminal act when generalising.

to solve a criminal act : wrong word choice .a criminal act is an illegal action therefore it is an offence. think about if you would use the word "solve" with "an offence".They don't go together well,and don't sound natural. Police can solve criminal cases or crimes.

Here is how I would write it :

Some people argue that this is due to the use of guns by police forces to solve crimes. .

merve

Jun 15, 2014

Writing Feedback / [IELTS] Do guns can really increase the level of violence? [7]

The number of criminality is ~~increase~~ (*grammer* +ing= increasing rapidly throughout the world.

--->doesn't sound natural .

1.Criminality is an uncountable Noun (dictionary meaning : criminal quality of a crime/offence.- like a concept).An offence / committed crimes are countable ,therefore either of them can be used with "The number of.." instead of uncountables.

2.Rapidly is used to describe "how fast" something happens. E.g.: The stock prices increased rapidly. If you are not able to give a reference to demonstrate how fast the numbers grow but you still would like to point out the importance/significance of the growth in numbers, you may want to use words like : dramatically , significantly , vastly,considerably,greatly,substantially. I tried to rewrite the same sentence below.I hope it helps.

My suggested version is : The number of violent crimes committed has increased significantly throughout the world.