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Posts by sweets13087
Joined: Jun 9, 2009
Last Post: Aug 20, 2009
Threads: 2
Posts: 8  
From: United States

Displayed posts: 10
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sweets13087   
Aug 20, 2009
Undergraduate / "The negative impacts of capitalism on the world" - issue of importance [9]

Thank you Simone and Sean for your input, I will certainly do more research. I am a bit weary of writing about such a controversial topic...yet I feel that if any institution would appreciate it, it would be UT austin. I also haven't been able to dabble very much in interesting concepts such as economic structures so I am really enjoying being able to research and learn a thing or two. The first sentence of my paragraph is bold to say the least, and I will reword it to accurately depict what I was trying to get across. Again, thank you for your criticism, I just recently discovered essayforum.com and am so appreciative of a website that is dedicated to helping others in the literary process.
sweets13087   
Aug 19, 2009
Undergraduate / "The negative impacts of capitalism on the world" - issue of importance [9]

This is my opening paragraph

Last summer, the United Nations formally acknowledged that the detrimental impacts of capitalism have outweighed its aggregate benefits and stated that actions must be taken to harness its destruction. Fueled by consumerism, capitalism has deprived us of culture, natural resources, and to an extent, life. The consequences of capitalism are felt by the vast majority of the world's population. According to the World Health Organization, roughly 18 million people die from poverty-related causes each year. Rocketing prices for basic foods such as rice and wheat have led to violent riots in places like Haiti, Bangladesh, and Egypt. Although many Americans believe that their greatest encounter with starvation will be the midnight infomercial begging for donations, the grim reality is that the predicament of poverty for most is closer than they realize. Approximately fifty percent of those living in America are expected to live at least one year in poverty, some of which never ascend from their unfortunate circumstance. These numbers can only climb when considering that the impacts of the current economic depression have not fully developed.
sweets13087   
Aug 19, 2009
Undergraduate / "The negative impacts of capitalism on the world" - issue of importance [9]

Prompt: Choose an issue of importance to you - the issue could be personal, school related, local, political, or international in scope - and write an essay in which you explain the significance of that issue to yourself, your family, your community, or your generation.

I was thinking of writing about the negative impacts of capitalism on the world. I want to briefly touch on work standards (or lack thereof), child labor, environmental devastation, and the phenomenon of mcdonaldization. Is this topic appropriate?
sweets13087   
Aug 10, 2009
Undergraduate / Barrier between me and my dream career; UT AUSTIN; SOP [10]

I added a paragraph that explains why I am applying to UT's liberal arts school instead of their school of engineering.

I woke up for the fifth time that morning. Each time I awoke, I anxiously checked the clock waiting for six o'clock to roll around. Finally, the desired hour approached. In a matter of minutes, I got up and attempted to prepare for my first day of classes at San Antonio's community college.

I made my way to the bus stop, hoping that everything would go well so that I may arrive on time to class. I was twenty years old, without a vehicle, nervous, but also determined to pursue my dreams. As I rode the bus downtown amongst crying children, single mothers, drunks, and the homeless, I made a promise to myself. I vowed to be successful that semester and every semester to follow. I vowed to arrive early, ask questions, give answers, and put everything I had towards my goal. I felt a surge of excitement as I realized I had a clean slate ahead of me. I had every opportunity available to me and I was committed to completing what I said I would do.

For the past year and a half, my life has been nothing but a revolving door between work and school and I could not possibly be any happier. I pay for my rent, bills, and school through the long work hours I invest at work each week. I have overcome the inconvenience of having to spend four hours each school day to get to and from campus in order to be successful. I have retained my thirst for knowledge and applied my curiosity towards subjects I never would have thought to be interesting in the past. I attribute my new interest in technology to my sociology professor who introduced me to ted.com, a technology and design website. I can thank my history professor for my critical approach to the world, my biology professor for my fascination with genetics, the human genome project in particular, and my French professor for my optimistic attitude towards my goals and acceptance of culture.

I am a walking composition of stitched ideas and influences, constantly adapting and adjusting, taking in my environment and choosing from it the aspects I relate to the most. Just as any other, my goal in life is to attain a sense of self actualization. Personally, that entails learning what I am and how I relate to the world. Thus, here lies the nucleus of my interest. I find it exciting that our perception of the environment is constantly changing and expanding, that what we know today is only the foundation for the discoveries tomorrow holds.

When listening, or should I say watching, Brian Cox's update on the progress of the CERN supercollider on ted.com, I was exposed to a quote by Humphry Davy that I enjoyed very much. He stated that "Nothing is so dangerous to the progress of the human mind than to assume that our views of science are ultimate, that there are no mysteries in nature, that our triumphs are complete and that there are no new worlds to conquer." It is for the preceding reason that I wish to realize my dream of becoming a patent attorney.

I have every intention to graduate with a bachelor's degree in mechanical engineering so that I may be eligible to practice patent law after attending law school. My attention to detail, strong interest in the world of science and technology, and love of hard work make me the ideal candidate for such a career. I will be using my personal skills to be actively involved in the latest discoveries in science and advances in technology. Unfortunately, we are not all blessed to be born with a knowing of where we want our lives to take us. For some, there is no question to what our life's work is. For others, like myself, a journey is involved in choosing a career.

I began my studies under the impression that I would be attending law school to practice corporate law, therefore I was in the pursuit of a liberal arts degree. I have taken courses that are transferable to the University of Texas's Liberal Arts program. It was during the course of writing this essay that I realized that I prefer for the subject matter of my work to deal with science and technology and satisfy my urge to constantly learn. I am aware that because not all of my classes are transferable to the University of Texas's Crockwell School of Engineering and I have not met the prerequisite of having completed the Calculus sequence I am not eligible for admission. Therefore, I have decided to still apply to the University of Texas in hopes that I may attend the Spring semester as having an undeclared major, take the Calculus sequence and Physics courses there, and apply to the Crockwell School of Engineering in Fall.

If given the opportunity, I have no doubt in my ability to fulfill whatever it is I set my mind to. I am aware that this goal will take years to complete, yet I am just the type of person to realize this dream. Now that I near my last semester before transferring to a four year university, I feel satisfied in my approach to my academic career and know that as long as I remain the ambitious individual that I have always been, I will be successful in any endeavor.
sweets13087   
Jul 25, 2009
Undergraduate / Barrier between me and my dream career; UT AUSTIN; SOP [10]

In my honest opinion, I feel that any tactic or approach for writing a statement of purpose is quite unoriginal. Everything that I wrote in that essay is honestly how things went down for me. I thought I had a whole plan worked out, and when it came down to putting it on paper in the form of an essay, I realized that I had not thought out my plans as well as I should have. I have been attempting to write this essay for over a year and am tired of trying to think of original and witty tactics. I have the ability to bs my way through anything, but I think I have reached a point where I realize that some things that seem monotonous and directed, such as admission essays, actually serve a purpose. These essays should be difficult to write, they should take time, and most of importantly, they should be sincere. But I do appreciate your critique and judgement, and will definitely reevaluate the manner in which I convey my thoughts.
sweets13087   
Jul 23, 2009
Undergraduate / Barrier between me and my dream career; UT AUSTIN; SOP [10]

I am taking a new approach to the statement of purpose essay. This follows a stream of consciousness style, but I need it to fit an essay format (different bodies maybe...lol) and I could use some help breaking it up
sweets13087   
Jul 23, 2009
Undergraduate / "My work experience" -- Too...nonchalant? [9]

What is the prompt for a common app? And I think the last sentence needs to be broken into two.

It's shown me how lucky I really am. Soon I will be pursuing my dreams, an opportunity not often taken by today's youth.
sweets13087   
Jun 10, 2009
Undergraduate / Barrier between me and my dream career; UT AUSTIN; SOP [10]

I would like to keep this essay relatively short and direct...

I have a tendency to take anything that has my name behind it very seriously, including this essay. It is because of this ambition that I have had trouble completing my statement of purpose. I initially read the prompt almost a year ago, when I first considered the University of Texas for the school to continue my studies, and have been thinking of the question at hand ever since. I have always dreamed of becoming an attorney, my competitive nature, attention to detail, and love for structured debate are testaments to that dream. However, until I was faced with producing a statement of purpose, I had never really thought of what exactly I wanted to do after law school. I was debating between corporate law or international law, yet I did not feel particularly excited about either one. So I decided to do what I do best when I don't have an answer to a question, I researched. After exploring different careers dealing with law, I stumbled across a division of law that works with intellectual property. I became interested in practicing intellectual property law instantly, specifically the category of intellectual property that deals with patents. The description of the personal requirements for a patent attorney mirrored those I already possess. One must have a tenacious grip on the pursuit of knowledge, an interest in science and technology, and the desire to put forth a determined effort in their career. There seems to be only one barrier between me and my dream career: a bachelor's degree in either technology or science. Up until this point, I had assumed that I could complete a bachelor's degree in anything I chose and it would make no difference when I applied to law school. This is generally true, except for the field of patent law. Some may consider it a mistake to change my major once I have already applied so much towards a liberal arts degree, yet I feel that it would be a bigger mistake for me to not pursue what truly interests me. Thus, I have decided to work towards a bachelor's degree in mechanical engineering. Although at this point in my collegiate career I have yet to take any mathematics or science classes, one must not assume that I do not have an interest and the ability to succeed in those departments. In fact, my mother, father, and brother have pursued the fields of computer engineering and computer science. I grew up in a home based on analysis and logic, to which I can attribute to my aspiration to pursue not only a law degree, but an engineering degree as well. Put simply, my statement of purpose may be summarized by the following sentence. My intentions are to graduate from the University of Texas with a bachelor's degree in mechanical engineering, graduate from the University of Texas Law School, and practice patent law. It will be difficult, but it will also be worth it.
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