Unanswered [12] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by Muza
Name: Muzaffar Nrumukhammadov
Joined: Jul 6, 2014
Last Post: Jul 20, 2015
Threads: 1
Posts: 1  
Likes: 1
From: Uzbekistan
School: AL under WIUT

Displayed posts: 2
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Muza   
Jul 20, 2015
Writing Feedback / It's more important to work at a job you enjoy , even if the salary is low. [7]

Well i put myself 6.0 score, and i will do explain why. Overall your essay is pretty good and expresses fully your ideas; it is clear to catch your way of thinking, and it is important to note that the statements your mentioned are base on your own experience, which enhances your score. To be honest i am not quite fond of your introduction, it seems to common and lacks some strong academic words ( as some parts do). In addition, looking through many essays i've never witnessed intro part startign with "We" :( Moving next, " uninteresting" and "boring" in some way are synonims don't you think? in the sentence "In fact the job covers most of the day and most of the life." it is better to say that it does occupy a large part of our lives.

"to live someone else life" should be to live someone's live. There are some repeations of starting phrases like "in fact". Actually i brefly read your essay and these are notes i noticed (pardon me it the first time i check someone's essay), but your essay undoubtedly deserves 6.0 and there is potential for further development. Good luck!!!
Muza   
Jul 6, 2014
Writing Feedback / The diagram below shows how salt is removed from sea water to make it drinkable. [3]

The flow chart elucidates the process of saltwater treatment by deliverance of salt from it. There are basic stages of processing before water is fit for drinking.

First of all, seawater flows via a pipe to the first stage of a pre-treatment filter, where being under explosure of processing, is disjoined to debris, sending them back to the sea as backwash, and to the quite treated water, directed to the next filter. Saltwater is subsequently forced through a membrance at high pressure so as to detach salt and other undrinkable dashes from water molecules by returning them back to the sea as seawater concentrate. Afterwards, freshwater is post-treated by adding various elements such as lime, chlorine and flouride, in order to kill any harmful bacteria, minimizing its risk to people's health. Thereafter, refined water is stored in warehouses before it is purveyed for minor trade points.

Overall, after such multistage process, through physical and chemical purification, water is ready for safe utilization.