Posts by Stevie

Stevie

Aug 23, 2014

Undergraduate / Supporting statement for exchange semester in Australian university, game technologies [3]

Hi Kevin, thanks first of all for your extensive feedback! Your challenge got me on the right path and I spent hours reading and re-writing my text in several versions since.

I still struggled a bit with the 200-300 word limit, as I often tend to write a lot of 'filler' text. But I'm more happy with my current text. I feel it's more focused and has more substance to it than before.

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Supporting statement, revised (285 words)
My journey into the world of computers began when my father, a financial analyst, introduced me to programming in primary school. I was intrigued by the possibility to create anything I wanted. I was able to create programs for my friends to practise maths or spelling, a website about my favourite games, anything my heart desired. I carried forth this drive to learn when I took on my 4-year IT apprenticeship at [company]. I reached my goal of getting the highest grades in my year, graduating with a 5.7 GPA (scale 1 to 6), and commenced with my undergraduate studies in Computer Science directly thereafter.

From developing computer programs, I learned to appreciate the value of creating and sharing experiences with others. I opted for several units from the Game Technology course to be able to comprehend the effort it takes to make a rich gaming experience, and to one day work on a game of my own with a team of like-minded friends.

It was during my fourth semester that I decided the time had come to leave home and take on a new challenge; a quest for personal growth and self-realization. I aim to gain confidence and grow more independent by proving that I can stand on my own two feet. These traits will help me achieve my goals and advance my career after graduation. Finally, I intend to make the most out of my stay and will take the opportunity to give something back to the community by signing up as a volunteer with the [university] student guild and the Big Help Mob. In the end, what you get out of an experience is determined by what you put into it.

Stevie

Aug 17, 2014

Writing Feedback / [IELTS] A discursive essay on visitors' attitude toward other countries's culture. [3]

I think you've done a good job argumenting from both sides, I agree with your view.

Foreigners from other countries should stick to the local culture for some reasons.

"Foreigners from other countries" -> foreigners are by definition from other countries, so you could maybe omit that part.

Since when every visitors feel like home when travelling, their attitudes to the host country would be more positive thus they definitely are encouraged to be back next time.

I would rewrite this sentence a little, perhaps something like this:
"If visitors feel at home when travelling, their opinion of the host country will be more positive (or favourable), thus encouraging them to visit the country again:"

Stevie

Aug 17, 2014

Undergraduate / Supporting statement for exchange semester in Australian university, game technologies [3]

Hi everyone

I am in the middle of my computer science studies in Switzerland and have decided to take the opportunity to go on an exchange semester in Australia next year. In particular, I want to go there to learn some fundamentals in game development (as it's only one semester out of a 3-year course), also to become more independent and grow personally. I have to hand in a 200-300 word supporting statement with my application, describing my "academic career and personal motivations for studying abroad".

After rewriting the statement a few times I ended up with the text below. I'm not sure if the balance of topics is right, and if I get my point across. It's my first time writing such a statement and I don't consider myself a good writer TBH :-P

I would be glad for any kind of feedback, and would like to be assured I did my best with the statement before sending it off :-)

Thanks ever so much already for reading
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Supporting statement
I would describe myself as an ambitious person who takes pride in his work, with an insatiable appetite for knowledge and new challenges. I have always been fascinated by technology, computers in particular. My fascination led me to take on an IT apprenticeship when I was 16 years old, which provided me with well-rounded skill set and practical experience. To further develop myself, I began my Bachelor studies in computer science directly thereafter, while continuing my work as an IT system administrator in the aerospace industry.

I aim to complete my studies with a grade A average and to start work as an application developer. My dream however is to take part in developing a video game. Imagining people all over the world immersed in a game that I helped shape, I believe I am able to make a difference and would be incredibly proud of such an accomplishment.

The latter is part of my motivation to leave my familiar surroundings and study abroad, as I hope to learn some game development fundamentals that I can then extend upon through self-study. More importantly however, I believe an exchange semester is a must for any student who has the opportunity.

While home is a special place, the world has so much more to offer. In particular, Australian universities are known for their multiculturalism and superb environment. I believe this diversity contributes strongly to the experience of living abroad and I hope to not only make new acquaintances from all over the world, but to exchange my ideas and perspectives with like-minded people. After spending half a year abroad, I am certain to be a more independent and confident individual, with renewed vigour and new perspectives on life.