Undergraduate / The Dirt Mound - Common App Essay [2]

I'm applying for college and wanted to get some outside suggestions. I'm filling out the Common App essay and the prompt I chose is "Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content. What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to you?"

There is also a 250-650 word limit on this essay.

I posted up the first version of this essay a while back but I fixed the issues mentioned and plan to send this essay to Purdue University after I get some reviews and suggestions.

Ever since I was in junior high school I have been fixated on remote control planes and small unmanned aerial vehicles. The interest ironically started out from a toy helicopter crash combined with my curiosity, igniting a life-long passion that eventually became my singular fixation and my ticket into the future. I built and crashed my first few planes before I joined a local group of hobbyists who were involved with the Tipton County Radio Control Club. They brought me to the top of an old, filled in landfill, now covered in lush, green grass that swayed with the slightest breeze blowing through the leaves of the surrounding trees. The designated flying field was at the highest point of the landfill. With well manicured fields still fresh with the scent of freshly mown grass, it stood in stark contrast to the newly created grassland spotted with flowering thistle that surrounded the base of the hill. The wind was almost perfect for flight on that calm summer evening.

Several other hobbyists also enjoyed the chance to fly and talk with friends, usually discussing a new plane that had just come out or reminiscing about events that happened before I met them. Some of them offered to help me learn to fly by trying their planes, and through them I built up the courage to fly my more fragile planes. On that day I had my first successful flights with my Nieuport 17 biplane, a World War I plane that took me nearly three weeks to complete. After landing the plane, I began to talk to the other pilots and learned the meaning behind the often repeated phrase "fly, crash, repeat."

I built more planes and several months later started a new project, a small drone that could be flown for short distances using a camera. Its four powerful blades flew very well during the maiden flight until I had to repeat the phrase "fly, crash, repeat" in a disappointed voice as my battle with gravity and the ground was lost. I retrieved my craft and began the repair process, delaying the project by two more months. The next flight was more successful as it flew faster and responded quicker than before. I knew it wouldn't crash from a mechanical failure again.

As I repeated the mantra "fly, crash, repeat" in my head, I realized the men who taught it to me were really teaching me a life lesson. Sometimes my attempts to fly in life will end in crashes that seem almost irreparable. When that happens I must push through the disappointment, fix the problem, and try again to achieve that final perfect flight. "Fly, crash, repeat," a phrase I learned on that mound of dirt and trash will shape my thoughts and prepare me to test the turbulent winds of time until I am ready to take flight and fly as high as my dreams will take me.

To me, the Tipton County Radio Control Club's flying field is more than just a place to learn the craft of flying RC planes and helicopters. It is the one place where I instantly feel perfectly content from the moment I arrive. It is a place where knowledge is poured into me from generations of pilots eager to share their passion. It is from this place that I will launch myself into my future and fulfill my dreams to be a professional drone creator.

This essay is 572 words long and a month in the works. Please tell me what you think about the essay, and as an experiment, tell me what you can derive about me and my personality from it.

Undergraduate / "fly, crash, repeat" - Common App Essay - The RC Field [2]

I'm applying for college and wanted to get some outside suggestions. I'm filling out the Common App essay and the prompt I chose is "Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content. What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to you?"

There is also a 250-650 word limit on this essay.

Here's what I have written so far:

Ever since I was accepted into Junior High school I have been fixated on remote control planes and small UAV's. The interest ironically started out from a toy helicopter crash combined with my curiosity, igniting a life-long passion that eventually became my singular fixation and my ticket into the future. I built and crashed my first few planes before I joined a local group of hobbyists with the same interests as me. They brought me on top of an old, filled in landfill where I had my first successful flights with my Neuport 17 biplane, an aircraft that took me nearly three weeks to complete. After landing the plane, I began to talk to the other pilots and learnt the meaning behind the phrase "fly, crash, repeat." I later built more planes before I started a new project, a small drone that could be flown for short distances from a camera. It had four blades and flew very well until I muttered the phrase "fly, crash, repeat" in a disappointed voice as my battle with gravity and the ground was lost. I retrieved my aircraft and began the repair process, delaying the project by a whole two months. The next time it flew, it was better than the first, flying faster and responding quicker and I knew that it wouldn't crash from a mechanical failure again. As my batteries slowly drained I realized how much I was like my own obsession. Like my planes, my parents spent a long time daydreaming about what it would be like to have a child. When the plan finally came together, that person was given the materials to cut, glue, and ultimately try to do their best to make an air worthy machine capable of surviving the turbulence that the winds of life are bound to give. There were times when the plane came dangerously close to the ground, only to find a way back up to where it should be. It was on that mound of dirt and trash that I realized that I was ready to test the winds and take flight and fly as far as I can before my batteries die, leaving me to gently glide back to the ground with old age.

I think this would be considerable as a unique place but something just seems off about this essay and I can't seem to be able to put my finger on it. I already did a word counter on it and it's at 373 words. This will be sent to Purdue University to hopefully get into the Aeronautical Engineering Technology department.