Writing Feedback / There are three main things that matter to me: God, family, and country. Stanford Essay [3]

Is this a good answer to the question? Do explain myself properly? Is it a high quality essay? Are there any grammatical errors?

I often find myself caring about things such as money, good grades, and what college I will get into, but I quickly bring myself back a step and look at the big picture. I ask myself why these things matter and I rapidly remember the real reason. I can trace nearly every one of my interests, desires, and passions back to three main things that matter to me, God, family, and country. My passion for service to others is prompted by my faith, my aspiration to get a good job stems from my desire to provide an exceptional lifestyle for my future family, and my decision to serve in the United States military after college comes from my intense love of country. There are countless examples of how most, if not all, of what matters to me eventually can be traced back to these three core things. Even though it took me nearly seventeen years to make the realization, I fully understand why. God, my family, and my country are all bigger than myself. I am going to die one day, but these three things will continue on. God is the beginning and the end, my family goes back generations and will continue for generations, and my lifetime will be just a blip in the overall history of my nation. These things matter to me because I want to devote the little time I have on earth towards noble goals that will last longer than my own lifetime.

Undergraduate / Harvard Supplemental Essay- There is no specific prompt in which to write about. [3]

I recently started writing a supplemental essay for college. I have been unable to continue writing it for the moment. I can't seem to write in a concise matter about the topic. I don't know if what I have is even salvageable or if I should just scrap it. Can you let me know if the underlying topic of the essay is any good and if the essay is beyond repair. I would also appreciate feedback about how to enhance the essay as well.

The great German philosopher, Fredrick Nietzsche once said, "He who has a why to live can bear almost any how." I began to discover my why when I was about ten years old. I was at a Six Flags, standing in a line to buy season pass tickets with my friends. Being pretty frugal with my money, I was the only one who was not buying a ticket. As a result, my friends started giving me a rough time and began making fun of me. The harassing continued on as we slowly made our way up to the front of the line. As my friends were getting ready to pay for their passes, a woman stepped in front of us and told the cashier that she was going to pay for my season pass. I was astonished. Why was this woman paying for my ticket? When I asked her, she told me that no one deserves to be picked on, but the thing she said next stuck with me forever. She asked for one thing in return, to pay it forward. Ever since she told me those words I have seen it as my duty to serve others. As I grew older, I began to entangle by duty to serve with the love of my country. As a result, I began to realize my why, service to the United States and her citizens. I have always loved the history, culture, and ideals of the United States and I have always wanted to contribute to them. I like to believe that I am engrained with in the United States. My family has served in the Civil War, the Pancho Villa Expedition, both World Wars, and the War on Terror. My great-great uncle was even the personal chauffeur to Robert Lincoln, the son of Abraham Lincoln. I am extremely obsessed with this nation and I want to see it succeed and prosper and will dedicate my life to its success just as so many before me have already done. My generation and myself owe it to future generations to preserve the way of life in which we are so blessed to have. I have come to realize that my first step in my service to this country is through military service.