psm9619
Sep 28, 2014
Undergraduate / Experiences / difficult situation / way of fun / contributing - STEM Application [3]
Honestly, from a view of non-native English speaker, I cannot really comment on grammar. But about contents,
For the first answer, I agree with Mmurray. I think you were trying to be more modest and not bragging but as long as you don't use some excessively hard jargon or big words, I feel that you would be a fine applicant who has an interesting and solid background in Computer Science.
For the second answer, when I read it for the first time, it was not clear what you were trying to say. Especially in third paragraph, you didn't explicitly announced your choice (Though I could guess it may have been "not joining in shooing team" ) but rather rounded your answer to be abstract and general. It would be better if you would clarify your choice in that situation and then end with general conclusion.
For the third one, I guess the contents look fine but in seventh sentence, why is the subject suddenly changed into "You"? Maybe you were trying to bring the reader closer and make them be more involved in your unique way of life but as a reader, it looks more like a grammar discrepancy and also gives a little surprising burden. Similar comment will be applied to the Second sentence of first answer.
I like your confidence and leadership described in your fourth answer. Just one thing you might want to consider is not only Leadership as a head but also Leadership as the one to embrace the whole team--like what really helps and makes you be a good leader that everyone wants. Whether you are a kind and understanding leader like a good brother, or generous but still exact in certain limit, or very responsible in your duty and respected by that, ,,, How do you lead your team? How do you make them follow you?
I'm currently editing my own essays(several of them) and will be posting them soon.
I would appreciate it greatly if you would be able to read and comment them later when they are posted! :D
Honestly, from a view of non-native English speaker, I cannot really comment on grammar. But about contents,
For the first answer, I agree with Mmurray. I think you were trying to be more modest and not bragging but as long as you don't use some excessively hard jargon or big words, I feel that you would be a fine applicant who has an interesting and solid background in Computer Science.
For the second answer, when I read it for the first time, it was not clear what you were trying to say. Especially in third paragraph, you didn't explicitly announced your choice (Though I could guess it may have been "not joining in shooing team" ) but rather rounded your answer to be abstract and general. It would be better if you would clarify your choice in that situation and then end with general conclusion.
For the third one, I guess the contents look fine but in seventh sentence, why is the subject suddenly changed into "You"? Maybe you were trying to bring the reader closer and make them be more involved in your unique way of life but as a reader, it looks more like a grammar discrepancy and also gives a little surprising burden. Similar comment will be applied to the Second sentence of first answer.
I like your confidence and leadership described in your fourth answer. Just one thing you might want to consider is not only Leadership as a head but also Leadership as the one to embrace the whole team--like what really helps and makes you be a good leader that everyone wants. Whether you are a kind and understanding leader like a good brother, or generous but still exact in certain limit, or very responsible in your duty and respected by that, ,,, How do you lead your team? How do you make them follow you?
I'm currently editing my own essays(several of them) and will be posting them soon.
I would appreciate it greatly if you would be able to read and comment them later when they are posted! :D
