Writing Feedback / People should satisfy with their destiny because we can not change - Toefl exam essay [3]

Hello, I have test on January I need your help to improve my writting

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People are never satisfied with what they have; they always want something more or something different. Use specific reasons to support your answer.

life contains different kinds of people and each person has own destiny. everyone should satisfies with their destiny because we can not change. In fact, there are a lot people have coveted things such as work, house, kids and life in general.

firstly, lack of persuasion lead to people live a miserable life because they always think of failing.For example, a person has a job in a company and he has a good salary. on the other hand, he always looks to his friend, who is the owner of the company, because they are studied together in the university. In this case, he should be satisfy what he has and he dose not compare with others. Its a great to be ambitious, but we should obey our destiny and enjoy our life.

secondly, lack of persuasion lead to lack of enjoyment because they think of others rather than their-self. In fact, the people are like in racing to buy things and wear expensive cloths because they want to pretend. life is not just thing, we have to work hard to achieve our dream. life is not show of to others because we are human and we have mind to think wisely.

Thirdly, lack of persuasion lead to parents compare their kids with other kids. This a big problem because it effects in our kids negatively by losing their self-confident. As result of that, the kids abundant their parents and they feel upset from ever thing. In fact, the parent should be supportive; it means they must not push their kids down.

In brief, we should think meaningful and wise. We have to aisle to our dream without concern about unnecessary thing. Even though we do not have everything like others we should interest in our life. The life is short and we should exploit every moment in our life.