KM97
Oct 4, 2014
Writing Feedback / My Castle - it all started from one brick. This is the place I feel comfortable in. [2]
Can some one pls rate my essay and help review it for me? Thanks in advance :)
It all started from one brick.
2014
It stands proudly at five metres tall. Its grandiose sight meeting the eye as it did six years ago. The very same paper roll wrapped around the towering figure still in its exactly same position. The nostalgic feeling in the air tempts me to enter my haven one final time, and though my overgrown legs may find that difficult, my gut tells me otherwise.
2008
The first brick is always the trickiest, as there are many tempting places to place it, but only one that will make the cut. The third and fourth are more of a challenge as they will decide the direction i tend to proceed in. The next are tie breakers; those are the bricks that will dictate my success, either making or breaking my castle, with the whole structure to be based upon them. i feel their whole weight squeezing my body to the ground, with the choking dusty smell of the pilows enticing me to let go, as i carry them on to place them at the right spot. Soon enough, i am faced with the last bricks. The bricks that will top off my castle brilliantly, or else usher its demise. My mind is on the brink of explosion, my body on the brink of collapsing, the fragile case i am dealing with making this case all the more stressful, but in a quick rush of adrenaline, and one deep gasp for air, i let go.
Suddenly, I sense something different in the walls surrounding me. The room is definitey dimmer. The space around me is also clearly smaller, and the ceiling a couple of feet closer to my head. I am not in my room nor am i at home. I am at two different places at the same time. My body is at my castle, my mind at a peaceful place far from earth. I continue my paths along the hall of my castle, as i take some glances at the delicately placed walls around me, each symbolising my sweat and work. The result is surely worth it though; The result of having A castle that would stand by my side, to hear all my secrets for the next five years of my life. Slowly yet surely it would grow into my familys everyday life. It was no longer an anomily in the house, as its presence was now synonymous with mine. Its The serenity id sense floating around this place pushing me further and further out from everday life. Around me now was a world of a different texture and feel. The stingy coldness of our universe was overcome by the warmth i felt inside my own castle. The noisy nature of life standing outside the doors of my castle, so clearly contrasting with the peacefullness behind those gates.
2014
I leave my castle one final time to find myself pulled back to where it all began, the first brick next to the gate. I gaze half heartedly at prepossessing castle where i have managed to find inner peace and calm, before i try to gather up the strength to take it down. I leave no signs of remorse though as the time is right to embark on new pastures. I know My first brick will once again be the trickiest, but i am ready. It is in my hands now, and i am most definitely prepared from my experiences.
And surely The last brick will be the most rewarding.
Can some one pls rate my essay and help review it for me? Thanks in advance :)
It all started from one brick.
2014
It stands proudly at five metres tall. Its grandiose sight meeting the eye as it did six years ago. The very same paper roll wrapped around the towering figure still in its exactly same position. The nostalgic feeling in the air tempts me to enter my haven one final time, and though my overgrown legs may find that difficult, my gut tells me otherwise.
2008
The first brick is always the trickiest, as there are many tempting places to place it, but only one that will make the cut. The third and fourth are more of a challenge as they will decide the direction i tend to proceed in. The next are tie breakers; those are the bricks that will dictate my success, either making or breaking my castle, with the whole structure to be based upon them. i feel their whole weight squeezing my body to the ground, with the choking dusty smell of the pilows enticing me to let go, as i carry them on to place them at the right spot. Soon enough, i am faced with the last bricks. The bricks that will top off my castle brilliantly, or else usher its demise. My mind is on the brink of explosion, my body on the brink of collapsing, the fragile case i am dealing with making this case all the more stressful, but in a quick rush of adrenaline, and one deep gasp for air, i let go.
Suddenly, I sense something different in the walls surrounding me. The room is definitey dimmer. The space around me is also clearly smaller, and the ceiling a couple of feet closer to my head. I am not in my room nor am i at home. I am at two different places at the same time. My body is at my castle, my mind at a peaceful place far from earth. I continue my paths along the hall of my castle, as i take some glances at the delicately placed walls around me, each symbolising my sweat and work. The result is surely worth it though; The result of having A castle that would stand by my side, to hear all my secrets for the next five years of my life. Slowly yet surely it would grow into my familys everyday life. It was no longer an anomily in the house, as its presence was now synonymous with mine. Its The serenity id sense floating around this place pushing me further and further out from everday life. Around me now was a world of a different texture and feel. The stingy coldness of our universe was overcome by the warmth i felt inside my own castle. The noisy nature of life standing outside the doors of my castle, so clearly contrasting with the peacefullness behind those gates.
2014
I leave my castle one final time to find myself pulled back to where it all began, the first brick next to the gate. I gaze half heartedly at prepossessing castle where i have managed to find inner peace and calm, before i try to gather up the strength to take it down. I leave no signs of remorse though as the time is right to embark on new pastures. I know My first brick will once again be the trickiest, but i am ready. It is in my hands now, and i am most definitely prepared from my experiences.
And surely The last brick will be the most rewarding.
