biscuitsawce
Oct 11, 2014
Undergraduate / Assembling the puzzle pieces - my FSU admissions essay! [3]
After about 30 minutes, I came up with an introduction of my college application essay. This is a rough draft, so of course it is horrible. Thank you so much for taking time off your busy lives to help me revise my introduction!
This is the prompt:
This year's essay is described below and should be no longer than 500 words.
Florida State University is more than just a world-class academic institution preparing you for a future career. We are a caring community of well-rounded individuals who embrace leadership, learning, service, and global awareness. With this in mind, which of these characteristics appeals most to you, and why?
My introduction: When I was young, I was that kid who did not talk. I was taught many things at school, which I brushed off immediately. As I grew up, the puzzle pieces of what I was taught started to assemble. I started asking more questions at school, made exceptions to every idea that was taught to me, and shared that newly found knowledge to other people. My mind started to blossom, realizing that learning is never-ending. I was starving for the logic behind every question, annoying every teacher with undying questions on even the littlest of details. The biggest epiphany that struck me was how all my past knowledge builds on top of each other. 11 years ago when I did not know how to read, write, or solve math problems? Looking back, the improvement is unbelievable.
Another question. I did not directly state "Learning" as my choice in this essay. Should I do that?
After about 30 minutes, I came up with an introduction of my college application essay. This is a rough draft, so of course it is horrible. Thank you so much for taking time off your busy lives to help me revise my introduction!
This is the prompt:
This year's essay is described below and should be no longer than 500 words.
Florida State University is more than just a world-class academic institution preparing you for a future career. We are a caring community of well-rounded individuals who embrace leadership, learning, service, and global awareness. With this in mind, which of these characteristics appeals most to you, and why?
My introduction: When I was young, I was that kid who did not talk. I was taught many things at school, which I brushed off immediately. As I grew up, the puzzle pieces of what I was taught started to assemble. I started asking more questions at school, made exceptions to every idea that was taught to me, and shared that newly found knowledge to other people. My mind started to blossom, realizing that learning is never-ending. I was starving for the logic behind every question, annoying every teacher with undying questions on even the littlest of details. The biggest epiphany that struck me was how all my past knowledge builds on top of each other. 11 years ago when I did not know how to read, write, or solve math problems? Looking back, the improvement is unbelievable.
Another question. I did not directly state "Learning" as my choice in this essay. Should I do that?