Unanswered [5] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by uci31
Name: UCI
Joined: Oct 22, 2014
Last Post: Oct 22, 2014
Threads: 2
Posts: 3  
Likes: 1
From: Indonesia

Displayed posts: 5
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uci31   
Oct 22, 2014
Essays / How can business management bring you to your successness? [3]

Hi, i am soo very stuck to make an essay about goal that we can reach in business management? what should i write about goals in business management and administration ? please help me.. the date line is days - 11 :"(
uci31   
Oct 22, 2014
Writing Feedback / Ielts that competitive sports, both team and individual [4]

Advantages : you and your trainer can only focus on your own, you can fastly fix your lackness in sport. you can do sport as long as you want, as long as you feel until you are exhausted without thinking other people's ability so it will probably make you satisfied of your own ability.

Disadvantages : It will affect on your low motivation to win, or you merely practice it alone so you won't have wider relationship with other people.

Hope this help. anyway, please help me to check my essay as well :)
uci31   
Oct 22, 2014
Writing Feedback / In personal live, we have some responsibilities towards other people (TOEFL) [5]

Overall, i think your essay is really good. But there are some points i don't think it fits in your essay. I'm sorry if this opinion doesn't really good in improving your essay.

Firstly, most people's lives are filled with tasks that they don't enjoy doing. <---- Who says this? Well it doesn't prove that most people don't enjoy their tasks. It will be good if you put this sentence with evidence of article.

we have a professor who isn't good at human relationships I think it's better to say who isn't good at relationship with other people.

Nobody has a life with a lot of fun i think it's better you to put " I think" or "In my point of view" (before) "nobody has a life with a lot of fun " because it sounds like your opinion
uci31   
Oct 22, 2014
Scholarship / From each organizations I joined, other members trusted me as a head of division in the organization [3]

Question: Please describe your related experience within this field of study. How would this program of study build on your past education, training, and/or experience? If you are new to this field, why did you choose this field? (Your response should be a minimum of two paragraphs. Your response helps us to match your interests with college programs.) *my proposal field of study is business management and administration

I have always liked and enjoyed meeting a lot of people, managing things, guide people and joining some events and organizations. During my school and college life, I provided little time to busied my self and have played diverse roles in the organization and events. To support this interest, I would like to describe my experiences. From junior high school until my college time, I have always been a part of student council and trusted to be a leader in it. I also have joined other organizations, such as choir, language, fashion, and religion based organizations.

From each organizations I joined, other members trusted me as a head of division in the organization and my responsibility was to guide and manage other members to undergo their own tasks in developing the organization according to responsibility in division I lead. My position as a chief in those different organizations certainly give me different tasks as well. As an example, in my University, I became a head of Art Appreciation, Culture, and Language division in student council and take charge in activities like exhibition, art performance, english debate and speech, writing competition and other activities related to art, culture and language. From the beginning of work process, I discussed with my members about things we need to accomplish in our division. The task was divided equally for each person, according to my member's interest and ability in how we made an art exhibition that contained other student's artworks, or English competition, etc.

In addition, I was also actively volunteering some social events. One of them was Autism Care Indonesia (ACI). I had regular opportunities to have conversation and play with children with autism, and ADHD. I helped raise the funds that could potentially change someone's future and introduce the organization to a lot of people so they will know and help poor children with autism by making association with psychology students as its members to let them apply their knowledges in interacting with those children.

please help me to correct the grammar and if there's something missing, please tell me :) thank you so much
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